Venting I need someone to tell me it’s going to be okay

[february in alaska]

People always say "it's going to be okay" as a way to keep you alive. They say keep holding on, and stay strong, and that they're there for you. All their comfort is there with the intention of keeping you alive. I know people mean well with those phrases but it just makes me feel guilty and like more of a burden or disappointment. I can't reach out to anyone without them feeling some obligation to save me or putting expectations on me

Just once, I wish someone would hug me and tell me it's okay if I go. I need someone to tell me it's all going to be okay once I'm gone. And that I don't need to keep holding on or staying strong anymore.

I can't reach out without people thinking I'm looking for recovery. But I'm not asking for help. I'm just asking to not have to be alone. This is so difficult.

Man. I've felt so hopeless today. A new low for sure. I can't believe I only have a month to go. I appreciate this place so much. You all are the only ones who will understand

 

[AliceinNeverland]

I know the feeling. No one should have to be on their own, without the most vital thing that we humans need - connection. Sending virtual hugs and love; I hope you find peace with whatever choice you make.

 

[Scattered-Soul]

I can't give you a hug unfortunately but I hope that at least my words could provide some comfort. I know what it's like and I hate when people say those phrases, after years of hearing them they almost feel venomous. You deserve people to respect your decision, to understand you and be there for you without constantly pushing those expectations upon you and to actually listen and accept you for once. It's okay that you want to go and it's okay to go in general, everything will be okay afterwards as well. You don't owe anything to anyone.

 

[kishka]

It will be okay. I promise it will be okay no matter what you do. The world will keep spinning once you leave it. Things will continue on and be okay. You do not have to be strong for anyone or anything but yourself. It is okay to feel like you want to leave, and it's okay if you actually do it. All that should matter is you doing what you need to so you can find peace. If that is something to help yourself while you're alive or if that's ending your life, it is okay. I wish I could give you a hug while I saw this but I'm sending one virtually to wherever you happen to be.

 

[themisfell]

Hey, I know when you have all these types of thoughts, it can feel extremely isolating. It's terrifying because it feels like you can't even speak your mind without something terrible happening. But no one is here to judge you for how you feel, or what you think, or anything else. It might help to try and watch something you like, or play a game that you enjoy. Even if it's not super enjoyable in the moment, I hope it's able to help you calm down, as truthfully, no one here wants you to feel hopeless or helpless, and no one here wants you to suffer. I wish you the best, truly.

 

[lovechaos]

It's going to be okay if you kill yourself People around you will move on humans are so good at moving on and whatever feeling is backing you from killing yourself is not even real It's is just an illusion of a brain if you look yourself from perspective of non living things it's nothing People are born they fight they eat they dance they die that's it

 

[Sylveon]

I can relate to this. All those seemingly comforting phrases keep adding up over time, and it gets almost suffocating after a point because you feel like you're burdening others and feel obliged to continue for them, but know that whatever you decide to do, it's gonna be okay; you don't have to keep pushing yourself for the sake of others; you deserve peace too no matter what you decide to do, and as the other user said, you deserve people who can understand and respect your decision.

I can't give you a hug, but have this virtual one.

 

[Argo]

A lot of the time, even in these kinds of communities, people can be motivated by self interest. Especially if they like someone, or feel some attachment. I remember I had a friend 6-7 years ago who I was pen pals with on reddit. He was very intelligent, we talked about how dystopian our world is, about physics, and philosophy. He acquired some N and went hiking into the middle of nowhere to take it. We exchanged messages until his last minutes. I remember telling him that I'd love to cook something for him some day , I told him that on his last day alive. ( I love to cook, it's huge a hobby for me)
Me saying that was motivated by my enjoying the company of this friend. I didn't care that this person was exhausted, wanted to just go to sleep, or close the book on this life that can be so unrewarding and exhausting.
My point is I will try not to be that way. I don't think anyone can with any certainty tell you it will be okay. Death and Life are both mysteries, and we are all just monkeys with clothes on, treated like farm animals by more powerful monkeys with clothes
The one helpful thing I do have to say to you, and I'm sorry if this comes off as vague, is just to reflect on what exactly worries you. What is it that motivates this post? What is the fear or the discomfort? Because that's the thing to be solved, right? We can approach any fear with a gentle posture, an attitude of kindness towards ourselves, and it becomes more manageable or solvable this way. Even if that investigation shows that there is no solution to the worry, that itself is a solution-- because it suggests to stop worrying about something that literally has no solution. And once you see that, that's when you can have precious peace.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I can only send you a virtual HUG and it's ok to leave if this is your true desire and you have thought about it thoroughly.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

here's another one:

 

[hopelessgirl]

Virtual hug for you <3

 

[huphup]

I struggle with this a lot too. I wish someone could tell me it would be ok to just CTB.

 

[february in alaska]

A lot of the time, even in these kinds of communities, people can be motivated by self interest. Especially if they like someone, or feel some attachment. I remember I had a friend 6-7 years ago who I was pen pals with on reddit. He was very intelligent, we talked about how dystopian our world is, about physics, and philosophy. He acquired some N and went hiking into the middle of nowhere to take it. We exchanged messages until his last minutes. I remember telling him that I'd love to cook something for him some day , I told him that on his last day alive. ( I love to cook, it's huge a hobby for me)
Me saying that was motivated by my enjoying the company of this friend. I didn't care that this person was exhausted, wanted to just go to sleep, or close the book on this life that can be so unrewarding and exhausting.
My point is I will try not to be that way. I don't think anyone can with any certainty tell you it will be okay. Death and Life are both mysteries, and we are all just monkeys with clothes on, treated like farm animals by more powerful monkeys with clothes
The one helpful thing I do have to say to you, and I'm sorry if this comes off as vague, is just to reflect on what exactly worries you. What is it that motivates this post? What is the fear or the discomfort? Because that's the thing to be solved, right? We can approach any fear with a gentle posture, an attitude of kindness towards ourselves, and it becomes more manageable or solvable this way. Even if that investigation shows that there is no solution to the worry, that itself is a solution-- because it suggests to stop worrying about something that literally has no solution. And once you see that, that's when you can have precious peace.

Thanks for writing this out, it really did give me something to think about. I have definitely had my own self interested reasons for not wanting people to leave, although these days I find myself mostly happy for people who have managed to escape. I hope your friend is in a more peaceful place

I know your questions were mostly rhetorical, but I still feel frustrated when I have no solution. I wish I could come to terms with them, but it's so hard. If it was simply fear of the unknown, or SI, or having to CTB in a painful way, I think I could get past that.

Right now I spend most of my time worrying about my mom. She's the one thing that makes me hesitate and could be the reason I end up not going through with my plans. I don't know how to deal with the fact that I either have to continue going through my own pain or give all that pain to her. My tiny stupid mortal brain just isn't equipped for it, haha.

Anyway, sorry. You don't need all that either. I really love the idea of "approaching fear with a gentle kindness to ourselves". I needed to hear that, thank you

 

[lifewasawillowtv]

I understand where you're coming from, the guilt and anger when someone says that to me is actually driving me insane. I may not know you in person and not be able to give you a hug irl, but I'm sending a virtual hug and I hope you find some comfort from it through the screen, if only for a few moments <3

 

[Aim]

I am struggelig with exacly the same thing as you, there is nothing wright or wrong answer in this case. But as long as it feels right to you! Then that is what matters. I have never met anyone that has looked down or talked bad about anyone that has cbt,d., My experiense is that people often empazize more after a person died. Like everything made so much sence then suddenly, however, sending lots of hugs and good thoughts your way<3

 

[lechtard]

People always say "it's going to be okay" as a way to keep you alive. They say keep holding on, and stay strong, and that they're there for you. All their comfort is there with the intention of keeping you alive. I know people mean well with those phrases but it just makes me feel guilty and like more of a burden or disappointment. I can't reach out to anyone without them feeling some obligation to save me or putting expectations on me

Just once, I wish someone would hug me and tell me it's okay if I go. I need someone to tell me it's all going to be okay once I'm gone. And that I don't need to keep holding on or staying strong anymore.

I can't reach out without people thinking I'm looking for recovery. But I'm not asking for help. I'm just asking to not have to be alone. This is so difficult.

Man. I've felt so hopeless today. A new low for sure. I can't believe I only have a month to go. I appreciate this place so much. You all are the only ones who will understand

I understand the feeling of that, I doubt ill ever recover from the point I am in but, I'm certain "it's going to be okay". As hard as it sounds if you get enough help it will be, can't really hug you but people support you and if you want to get better people will support you, and if you want to CTB people won't dislike you for it. It will be okay, stand strong and if you fall people that care even online will be your mattress. :)

 

[Vesiira]

People always say "it's going to be okay" as a way to keep you alive. They say keep holding on, and stay strong, and that they're there for you. All their comfort is there with the intention of keeping you alive. I know people mean well with those phrases but it just makes me feel guilty and like more of a burden or disappointment. I can't reach out to anyone without them feeling some obligation to save me or putting expectations on me

Just once, I wish someone would hug me and tell me it's okay if I go. I need someone to tell me it's all going to be okay once I'm gone. And that I don't need to keep holding on or staying strong anymore.

I can't reach out without people thinking I'm looking for recovery. But I'm not asking for help. I'm just asking to not have to be alone. This is so difficult.

Man. I've felt so hopeless today. A new low for sure. I can't believe I only have a month to go. I appreciate this place so much. You all are the only ones who will understand

I understand how frustrating it is to hear that phrase. For some of us it won't get better. We hold on until we simply can't anymore. I'm sending you a virtual hug, my friend. If you choose to go, it WILL be okay. It will hurt, there will be tears, pain, grief. It's a part of life. We cannot control that. As time goes on, things will lessen. Eventually it will pass, just like time does. You aren't alone, not on here. <3

 

[H25pital Order]

It's okay not to be okay!

 

[Angel of Spades]

i hope you can feel my bearhug through the screen. it's okay to not want to be here anymore, and it's okay to let go and move on. whatever you want for yourself is okay. you are NOT a burden nor are you a disappointment. you're okay, it's okay, you can let go now, you don't have to keep fighting this battle that the world is so insistent on forcing us into.

you're not alone, we're all here for you. you'll never be alone, especially since all of us are still out here, and once you're gone, you'll get to meet all the people who have already boarded their buses. you don't have to hold on anymore. just make sure you save us all a seat on the bus when the time comes :)

 

[february in alaska]

i hope you can feel my bearhug through the screen. it's okay to not want to be here anymore, and it's okay to let go and move on. whatever you want for yourself is okay. you are NOT a burden nor are you a disappointment. you're okay, it's okay, you can let go now, you don't have to keep fighting this battle that the world is so insistent on forcing us into.

you're not alone, we're all here for you. you'll never be alone, especially since all of us are still out here, and once you're gone, you'll get to meet all the people who have already boarded their buses. you don't have to hold on anymore. just make sure you save us all a seat on the bus when the time comes :)

thank you for this. I really do love the metaphor of a bus that's taken over this forum. I hope I'll be able to sit next to so many people I've met here, and we won't have to be completely alone when we go.

this forum is surreal. we're strangers, we don't even know each others names, and yet we know some of the most intimate personal thoughts of each other. we're the ones having final conversations with each other. you people don't know me and you still know me better than anyone else on this earth. I hope there's some kind of peace out there for all of us

 

[Angel of Spades]

thank you for this. I really do love the metaphor of a bus that's taken over this forum. I hope I'll be able to sit next to so many people I've met here, and we won't have to be completely alone when we go.

this forum is surreal. we're strangers, we don't even know each others names, and yet we know some of the most intimate personal thoughts of each other. we're the ones having final conversations with each other. you people don't know me and you still know me better than anyone else on this earth. I hope there's some kind of peace out there for all of us

i love using the metaphor a lot — it just makes me feel so much more surrounded by everyone else (in a good way) to think of us all reserving seats and purchasing tickets for the bus so that we're all together when the time comes.

it really is; i just hope at least having these little conversations is enough to help you remember that we're all here for you if no one else is. life sucks so fucking much, and that's why we all get a little corner of the internet to be together with that mindset.

 

[Some place nice]

I wish I could give you a hug, but I can't. I can tell you that you don't need to be strong anymore, everything will be just fine, you have fought to hard to stay and if you decide to keep fighting, you'll still be ok. If you decide not to keep on than I hope you find the love, happiness, and peace that you deserve. You are so strong to have made it this far and I am very proud of you. I hope the future starts to look up for you.