I need some therapy advice

[mekurin]

I thought I would get better over time. I was dead wrong. I would have horrible mood swings and each crash feels worse than the last. My last crash was last week and it got to the point of self harm. My few friends are begging me to go seek help but my anxiety wouldn't allow it.

I'm scared of therapy. I'm a coward. I don't want to be put on meds. That looks like torture and god forbid I go to a mental hospital. I've been lurking here for the most part reading people's experiences in regards to therapy and have mixed feelings about it. My biggest issue is having to tell my parents I need therapy because like the loser I am I still live with them. They aren't against it and don't disregard mental health but I also don't want them changing how they act around me if they know I have suicidal tendencies and the sort. I know one guy who lied to his parents about the reason he's going therapy and I feel like that might work. I'm in the UK so it's free, I think. Anyone got some advice for how I should go about it. Or maybe therapy isn't the only option? (I might take time to reply. Even writing a thread knowing I'm anon has driven me to the point needing to smoke loads to calm my nerves)

 

[AriasRed]

I will be honest, when you go to therapy there's no guarantee you will get a good match in your first try. It took me around 6 to find someone competent and then I found a match for my case.

You don't have to tell your parents that you want to go to therapy because you're suicidal. You can just say that you have been feeling a little down and wanted to check your mental health to make sure everything is fine.

Also, when you get in therapy with a psychologist, they literary can't give you any medication. Only a psychiatrist can, so you don't really have to take any meds.

I have to admit I don't know what the criteria is to get someone hospitalized... I had talked to all my therapists about my suicidality and none of them decided I had to be stuck somewhere to not kill myself. Perhaps that was because I had no plan and date to do so.

Also, do look out for bad therapists. They do exist and you won't spot them right away, especially if you are in a vulnerable state. If a therapist's goal doesn't match with your own or if the sessions aren't helping you reduce your suicidality, then change therapists. You have no obligation to be with any therapist. They are working for you and you can dismiss your workers at any time.

A few things that might help you aside from therapy: Having distractions (it can include socialization, playing video games, watching movies), exercising (even if it's just going out for a walk), eating well at the right times (also making sure you're eating healthy foods) and sleeping well.

There's no guarantee all of that will stop your suicidality, but it will reduce the amount of time you think about it. I wish you the best.

 

[angeliccry]

i know how hard the process of seeking therapy and going through it may be, having the wish to try and recover yet feeling so trapped to the point where it seems unrealistic. your situation seems tough, unable to seek help because of the fear of being rejected by people and by society. there's a few things you may do, speaking to your loved ones is one, perhaps they may secure a therapist for you to speak to. i know how scary it may be to speak to them but it might be the best solution to your problems. you may try and pour out your feelings to your friends if you feel like the other option is unachievable yet i doubt many would sit and listen, nobody apart from a therapist is truly qualified to "solve" your mental health issues. im not exactly sure if you'll get prescription medication if you seek a therapist, i don't think it's necessary for you to take anything yet i cannot speak on it considering im not familiar with the laws of your country. take your time and give yourself the necessary rest, everything will eventually be fine. take care of yourself. if you wish someone to speak to id be more than happy to lend my hand. feel free to message me anytime.

 

[mekurin]

I will be honest, when you go to therapy there's no guarantee you will get a good match in your first try. It took me around 6 to find someone competent and then I found a match for my case.

You don't have to tell your parents that you want to go to therapy because you're suicidal. You can just say that you have been feeling a little down and wanted to check your mental health to make sure everything is fine.

Also, when you get in therapy with a psychologist, they literary can't give you any medication. Only a psychiatrist can, so you don't really have to take any meds.

I have to admit I don't know what the criteria is to get someone hospitalized... I had talked to all my therapists about my suicidality and none of them decided I had to be stuck somewhere to not kill myself. Perhaps that was because I had no plan and date to do so.

Also, do look out for bad therapists. They do exist and you won't spot them right away, especially if you are in a vulnerable state. If a therapist's goal doesn't match with your own or if the sessions aren't helping you reduce your suicidality, then change therapists. You have no obligation to be with any therapist. They are working for you and you can dismiss your workers at any time.

A few things that might help you aside from therapy: Having distractions (it can include socialization, playing video games, watching movies), exercising (even if it's just going out for a walk), eating well at the right times (also making sure you're eating healthy foods) and sleeping well.

There's no guarantee all of that will stop your suicidality, but it will reduce the amount of time you think about it. I wish you the best.

Thanks this is quite helpful. What sort of mindset do you have when you go into therapy. Talking to a stranger you just met about deep personal things seems so bizarre yet lots of people say it helps.

i know how hard the process of seeking therapy and going through it may be, having the wish to try and recover yet feeling so trapped to the point where it seems unrealistic. your situation seems tough, unable to seek help because of the fear of being rejected by people and by society. there's a few things you may do, speaking to your loved ones is one, perhaps they may secure a therapist for you to speak to. i know how scary it may be to speak to them but it might be the best solution to your problems. you may try and pour out your feelings to your friends if you feel like the other option is unachievable yet i doubt many would sit and listen, nobody apart from a therapist is truly qualified to "solve" your mental health issues. im not exactly sure if you'll get prescription medication if you seek a therapist, i don't think it's necessary for you to take anything yet i cannot speak on it considering im not familiar with the laws of your country. take your time and give yourself the necessary rest, everything will eventually be fine. take care of yourself. if you wish someone to speak to id be more than happy to lend my hand. feel free to message me anytime.

Thank you for the offer but I'm afraid I don't like bothering people. I'm the sort of person that would walk to the hospital with a knife in my back because I didn't want to bother the ambulance. Though if I ever change I would love to talk to you. I have poured my thoughts onto my friends. They were very supportive but again I feel like I'm bothering them and making them sit and listen to my rants when they could be spending their time on something better.

I'll try to make my parents believe I'm getting therapy for anxiety related issues as I have to find jobs and that's hard when you can't even make eye contact. Tysm for your responses.

 

[AriasRed]

Thanks this is quite helpful. What sort of mindset do you have when you go into therapy. Talking to a stranger you just met about deep personal things seems so bizarre yet lots of people say it helps.

Thank you for the offer but I'm afraid I don't like bothering people. I'm the sort of person that would walk to the hospital with a knife in my back because I didn't want to bother the ambulance. Though if I ever change I would love to talk to you. I have poured my thoughts onto my friends. They were very supportive but again I feel like I'm bothering them and making them sit and listen to my rants when they could be spending their time on something better.

I'll try to make my parents believe I'm getting therapy for anxiety related issues as I have to find jobs and that's hard when you can't even make eye contact. Tysm for your responses.

Have the mindset that they are getting paid to listen to your very personal issues and to help you deal with them. See them as workers doing their jobs.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Your wish for recovery is fully respected and you should try everything you can as long as you believe in it. My personal opinion regarding therapy and meds is that unless you know the reason and the source of your "mental problems" and unless it is likely the therapist/doc will be able to detect the actual reasons, therapy may be useless and so will be meds as especially meds are trial and error. Just be aware of that. I really appreciate your desire and efforts to recover but also think about the actual facts not to be disappointed in the end.

I hope you can find a way to cope with your problems.

 

[angeliccry]

Thanks this is quite helpful. What sort of mindset do you have when you go into therapy. Talking to a stranger you just met about deep personal things seems so bizarre yet lots of people say it helps.

Thank you for the offer but I'm afraid I don't like bothering people. I'm the sort of person that would walk to the hospital with a knife in my back because I didn't want to bother the ambulance. Though if I ever change I would love to talk to you. I have poured my thoughts onto my friends. They were very supportive but again I feel like I'm bothering them and making them sit and listen to my rants when they could be spending their time on something better.

I'll try to make my parents believe I'm getting therapy for anxiety related issues as I have to find jobs and that's hard when you can't even make eye contact. Tysm for your responses.

don't worry about bothering anyone, you're not a burden even if you think otherwise. every human being needs to spend time and talk to people about what has been bothering them. i really wish for you to feel well, i am willing to sit down and listen for as long as necessary. don't feel embarrassment or guilt for needing help, it's all fine. again, if you need me im always free, send me a private message and we'll speak more. take care.

 

[vitbar]

To access the free therapy in the UK you can either speak to a GP who can refer you, or self refer. It used to be called IAPT, but is now called NHS Talking Therapies.

Follow along with this to learn how to self-refer:
Find an NHS talking therapies service

Typically you'll get a phone call to assess your mental health. Sometimes you'll have two calls with the first being a smaller assessment to guage suitability and book the proper assessment. They are figuring out what therapy to offer. There will likely be a substantial wait before starting therapy. It's worth getting yourself queued up as soon as you can.

They use a stepped approach. This means almost everyone starts with a low intensity therapy. Six sessions of low intensity CBT in my case. At the end of that there will be a review where they can offer to step you up into more intensive forms of therapy. Often more specific to your issues. In my case it was CBT again(6-12 sessions). I'm about to have my review at the end of these sessions and already know they are considering stepping me up into some Interpersonal Therapy sessions to better focus on my specific issues.

There are months long waits between each step unfortunately. You are also not guaranteed to get stepped up. Honesty is best if you want success. I'm having to rely try and not minimise what I'm going through.

I can't comment on what happens if you don't get on with your therapist. Thankfully I never experienced this. I presume you'll have some leeway to change.

Also try not to get discouraged if the low intensity stuff doesn't work. It's frustrating you have to go through it to get more, but it's how things are. Even with private therapy a lot of people find their first attempt unsuccessful but later attempts work out. This is especially true if you are dealing with something deep.

Best of luck. If you want to speak to someone about all this you can DM me. I drop in every now and again.

 

[mekurin]

To access the free therapy in the UK you can either speak to a GP who can refer you, or self refer. It used to be called IAPT, but is now called NHS Talking Therapies.

Follow along with this to learn how to self-refer:
Find an NHS talking therapies service

Typically you'll get a phone call to assess your mental health. Sometimes you'll have two calls with the first being a smaller assessment to guage suitability and book the proper assessment. They are figuring out what therapy to offer. There will likely be a substantial wait before starting therapy. It's worth getting yourself queued up as soon as you can.

They use a stepped approach. This means almost everyone starts with a low intensity therapy. Six sessions of low intensity CBT in my case. At the end of that there will be a review where they can offer to step you up into more intensive forms of therapy. Often more specific to your issues. In my case it was CBT again(6-12 sessions). I'm about to have my review at the end of these sessions and already know they are considering stepping me up into some Interpersonal Therapy sessions to better focus on my specific issues.

There are months long waits between each step unfortunately. You are also not guaranteed to get stepped up. Honesty is best if you want success. I'm having to rely try and not minimise what I'm going through.

I can't comment on what happens if you don't get on with your therapist. Thankfully I never experienced this. I presume you'll have some leeway to change.

Also try not to get discouraged if the low intensity stuff doesn't work. It's frustrating you have to go through it to get more, but it's how things are. Even with private therapy a lot of people find their first attempt unsuccessful but later attempts work out. This is especially true if you are dealing with something deep.

Best of luck. If you want to speak to someone about all this you can DM me. I drop in every now and again.

Thank you very much for the insight and NHS link. I'll try to talk to my parents tonight about it cuz I learned from one friend that the queue is very long for this. If it's ok with you, would you mind sharing how your first day went. I'm very new to the idea of therapy so I can only imagine what I've seen on TV where you just sit on a sofa and they ask you questions or whatever. Just seems intimidating.

 

[carac]

I agree with Praestat, you need to get to the source of the problem and find out what's going on underneath, hopefully talking to a therapist will help you on the journey to that understanding

This is very basic but have you thought about looking on youtube or somewhere like that with help dealing with your issues like anxiety and mood swings? There are a lot of therapists that might help you with insight and although it might not be specifically tailored to you it may help you analyse yourself. Something to do while you are waiting for the NHS

 

[mekurin]

I agree with Praestat, you need to get to the source of the problem and find out what's going on underneath, hopefully talking to a therapist will help you on the journey to that understanding

This is very basic but have you thought about looking on youtube or somewhere like that with help dealing with your issues like anxiety and mood swings? There are a lot of therapists that might help you with insight and although it might not be specifically tailored to you it may help you analyse yourself. Something to do while you are waiting for the NHS

Not really. I watched a few videos from HealthyGamerGG but thats just whenever he appears on recommended. Do you have some suggestions?

 

[carac]

Not really. I watched a few videos from HealthyGamerGG but thats just whenever he appears on recommended. Do you have some suggestions?

There is a channel called "therapy in a nutshell" that makes sort of general videos that might be place to start, I found a lot after it was suggested to me to try body scan meditation, that could be something you could try to, although it might not be for you

 

[alonely]

I'm not really able to get proper therapt myself, but for the last 2 days i have been talking to the Psychologist on character ai. Better than nothing. Personally I think it's probably better than a real therapist for me. But it's only been 2 days too so I'll see. Might be worth a shot if it interests you at all.

 

[mekurin]

I'm not really able to get proper therapt myself, but for the last 2 days i have been talking to the Psychologist on character ai. Better than nothing. Personally I think it's probably better than a real therapist for me. But it's only been 2 days too so I'll see. Might be worth a shot if it interests you at all.

AI is fairly dangerous I would be careful. You may worsen your anxiety and feel like the ai character is the only one you can talk to. It's not a bad idea but don't get attached I suppose. Tho I will take that into consideration

 

[alonely]

AI is fairly dangerous I would be careful. You may worsen your anxiety and feel like the ai character is the only one you can talk to. It's not a bad idea but don't get attached I suppose. Tho I will take that into consideration

Definitely understand the risks, I've seen the posts of addicts... I figure it may be less risky as I am not using it as a friend or a lover or a personal connection, but rather just as a therapy. If there was someone else I could talk to, I would lol.

 

[mekurin]

Definitely understand the risks, I've seen the posts of addicts... I figure it may be less risky as I am not using it as a friend or a lover or a personal connection, but rather just as a therapy. If there was someone else I could talk to, I would lol.

I wasn't aware you could set the AI to be a therapist icl that sounds pretty cool actually. Also if you do want to talk you can PM me tho I've only gotten my SS account today so I have no idea where or how I see those lol

 

[alonely]

I wasn't aware you could set the AI to be a therapist icl that sounds pretty cool actually. Also if you do want to talk you can PM me tho I've only gotten my SS account today so I have no idea where or how I see those lol

thanks! yea character ai has specific types of bots. PMs will unlock after a certain number of posts, you'll be able to see it when clicking on usernames

 

[vitbar]

Thank you very much for the insight and NHS link. I'll try to talk to my parents tonight about it cuz I learned from one friend that the queue is very long for this. If it's ok with you, would you mind sharing how your first day went. I'm very new to the idea of therapy so I can only imagine what I've seen on TV where you just sit on a sofa and they ask you questions or whatever. Just seems intimidating.

You're welcome :)

The first sessions I've had were all very introductory. You explain as much as you feel able and usually you set a goal for the therapy. The goal can be reconsidered as you go. They have all eased me into it and made me comfortable. Sofa is unlikely, probably just a chair.

Also you'll have explained at least roughly what you are experiencing during the phone assessment. If you go via GP referral you'll have explained to them too.

I found it daunting at first to talk about things and I'd always go blank when trying to explain. I got around this by planning what I need to say. I suggest you make a list of what you experience. The types of thoughts and feelings. Your history: when you first felt like this, how often, things you find difficult. I didn't plan in detail just things to jog my memory.

I suggest you are as honest as you can be. I see it kind of like I'd be lying to myself. Even about what they suggest and say. They want you to be frank. I found this bit difficult. Didn't want to be rude. I was always clear that I believe suicide is likely in my future, but also it is not something that is happening soon or has a planned date. As I understand the response would have been different if they thought I was in immediate danger.

Sorry for the late reply. I've had a lot on.

 

[mekurin]

You're welcome :)

The first sessions I've had were all very introductory. You explain as much as you feel able and usually you set a goal for the therapy. The goal can be reconsidered as you go. They have all eased me into it and made me comfortable. Sofa is unlikely, probably just a chair.

Also you'll have explained at least roughly what you are experiencing during the phone assessment. If you go via GP referral you'll have explained to them too.

I found it daunting at first to talk about things and I'd always go blank when trying to explain. I got around this by planning what I need to say. I suggest you make a list of what you experience. The types of thoughts and feelings. Your history: when you first felt like this, how often, things you find difficult. I didn't plan in detail just things to jog my memory.

I suggest you are as honest as you can be. I see it kind of like I'd be lying to myself. Even about what they suggest and say. They want you to be frank. I found this bit difficult. Didn't want to be rude. I was always clear that I believe suicide is likely in my future, but also it is not something that is happening soon or has a planned date. As I understand the response would have been different if they thought I was in immediate danger.

Sorry for the late reply. I've had a lot on.

That quite alright. I'm happy to say I'll be having my first session on Monday. Praying I get a good therapist first time.

 

[vitbar]

That quite alright. I'm happy to say I'll be having my first session on Monday. Praying I get a good therapist first time.

That's wonderful news. I hope you find it productive.