IF SOMEONE COULD TAKE A MINUTE TO READ OR RESPOND, I'M IN A BIT OF A CRISIS. You guys are my last human contact.
Yes, I know it's my third or fourth post today. I'm sorry. I probably won't be around much longer to post stuff anyhow.
I have a chronic illness that has no official cure (trigeminal neuralgia, the infamous suicide disease). I've already gotten surgery for it 8 months ago, and, as everything in my life, it got worse. Because that didn't work, most likely nothing will, according to the surgeon. I tried killing myself today with a nitrogen tank, and I failed because the air was blowing out the top for some reason and not through the tube. No one knows about it though, except through here of course. My mom is going to force me to go to a mental hospital in two days and get temporary guardianship of me to KEEP ME THERE because she wants to get rid of me for a while (I haven't even expressed my desire to die to her, so I don't know how'll she'll go about doing so when she doesn't have guardianship OR proof that I'm suicidal). I have no children, no job (because I'm disabled), so it's not like I'm leaving anything behind. The only motivation I had was the book series that I wanted to write for 8 years. But that's not going to happen as long as I'm chronically ill anyhow, and if I never get better, well.... Yeah. If alternate universes exist, maybe I'll write it there. If you've read this far, I congratulate you. You're awesome. I know life is shit, and I feel you.
Because encouraging suicide is illegal, which I think it is, I apologize if I'm going against the rules.
My question is: How can I finally accept my fate and have the courage to make my decision? Because I'm not turning back. I refuse to experience this existence.
BONUS: I'm agnostic, so I don't know what happens after death. I'm leaning towards reincarnation because I want another chance at life. If I'm wrong and nothing happens, even better! Just a non-so-fun question: what do you think happens after death?
Yes, I know it's my third or fourth post today. I'm sorry. I probably won't be around much longer to post stuff anyhow.
I have a chronic illness that has no official cure (trigeminal neuralgia, the infamous suicide disease). I've already gotten surgery for it 8 months ago, and, as everything in my life, it got worse. Because that didn't work, most likely nothing will, according to the surgeon. I tried killing myself today with a nitrogen tank, and I failed because the air was blowing out the top for some reason and not through the tube. No one knows about it though, except through here of course. My mom is going to force me to go to a mental hospital in two days and get temporary guardianship of me to KEEP ME THERE because she wants to get rid of me for a while (I haven't even expressed my desire to die to her, so I don't know how'll she'll go about doing so when she doesn't have guardianship OR proof that I'm suicidal). I have no children, no job (because I'm disabled), so it's not like I'm leaving anything behind. The only motivation I had was the book series that I wanted to write for 8 years. But that's not going to happen as long as I'm chronically ill anyhow, and if I never get better, well.... Yeah. If alternate universes exist, maybe I'll write it there. If you've read this far, I congratulate you. You're awesome. I know life is shit, and I feel you.
Because encouraging suicide is illegal, which I think it is, I apologize if I'm going against the rules.
My question is: How can I finally accept my fate and have the courage to make my decision? Because I'm not turning back. I refuse to experience this existence.
BONUS: I'm agnostic, so I don't know what happens after death. I'm leaning towards reincarnation because I want another chance at life. If I'm wrong and nothing happens, even better! Just a non-so-fun question: what do you think happens after death?
