I need some advice please

[JC2111]

I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year. Lately things have been getting worse. He often pressures me into sex even though I don't want to do it. He will say things like 'do you not love me?' or 'I thought you wanted to be with me'. This is just the beginning of it. If I continue to say no, he will literally beg me until it wears me down and tell me that it's my fault he's horny so I should sort it out, even when I haven't initiated anything sexual. If this doesn't work, he resorts to calling me names and stuff like 'prude'.

A couple of days ago, he came over to my house and we were watching a movie together. Literally 10 minutes into the movie he was pestering me for sex. I told him no. I don't think I could have been any clearer. But still, he did it anyways. It lasted the whole movie. I'm sorry this is not very detailed, I just really don't want to think about it. It's been affecting my mood over the last couple of days. I can't stop thinking about it. It's made me feel worthless to him.

I was in recovery from suicide attempts and having depression. But this has sort of spiralled me out of control. I don't wanna be alive anymore honestly.

What do I do? I love him but can't go on like this…

 

[CantDoIt]

I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year. Lately things have been getting worse. He often pressures me into sex even though I don't want to do it. He will say things like 'do you not love me?' or 'I thought you wanted to be with me'. This is just the beginning of it. If I continue to say no, he will literally beg me until it wears me down and tell me that it's my fault he's horny so I should sort it out, even when I haven't initiated anything sexual. If this doesn't work, he resorts to calling me names and stuff like 'prude'.

A couple of days ago, he came over to my house and we were watching a movie together. Literally 10 minutes into the movie he was pestering me for sex. I told him no. I don't think I could have been any clearer. But still, he did it anyways. It lasted the whole movie. I'm sorry this is not very detailed, I just really don't want to think about it. It's been affecting my mood over the last couple of days. I can't stop thinking about it. It's made me feel worthless to him.

I was in recovery from suicide attempts and having depression. But this has sort of spiralled me out of control. I don't wanna be alive anymore honestly.

What do I do? I love him but can't go on like this…

Hey, I'm sorry you are going though this. It sounds like your boyfriend is coercing you into sex, which is a huge violation of your boundaries and classifiable as sexual assault.

I can't give you specific advise on what to do as it is ultimately your choice, but I would say that you could be clear with him how you feel and see how he reacts, or you could break up with him. Ultimately, he is the incorrect party here and you deserve to handle the issue however you see fit.

 

[Nikitatos]

How long have you been with him?

 

[Grumble]

I would say that you could be clear with him how you feel and see how he reacts, or you could break up with him. Ultimately, he is the incorrect party here and you deserve to handle the issue however you see fit.

Yes, I think it's fair to say to him exactly what you have said to us here.

@JC2111 -- Is there anyone you can talk to about his? A trusted family member or friend? We can try to advise as best we can, but I feel like you'd be best served by someone you have immediate, intimate access to.

Just to reinforce this, what he's doing to you is wrong in the strongest possible terms, and frankly I think it's worth considering breaking up without having a conversation about it at all. However, if you want to try to save the relationship, then I would go with telling him what you've said to us here.

 

[yowai]

I think its the wrong subforum for this haha but anyway
How old are you and your bf?
Did you tell him you're uncomfortable with this behavior? Is it always like this or is it possible to sometimes spend time without it being sexual? Maybe you both have different needs and drives and arent meant for each other in the long run, maybe he doesn't understand what consent is or that pressuring someone ruins the mood
If being with him is ruining your mental health then the relationship is toxic and you should just go your own way

 

[maniac116]

I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year. Lately things have been getting worse. He often pressures me into sex even though I don't want to do it. He will say things like 'do you not love me?' or 'I thought you wanted to be with me'. This is just the beginning of it. If I continue to say no, he will literally beg me until it wears me down and tell me that it's my fault he's horny so I should sort it out, even when I haven't initiated anything sexual. If this doesn't work, he resorts to calling me names and stuff like 'prude'.

A couple of days ago, he came over to my house and we were watching a movie together. Literally 10 minutes into the movie he was pestering me for sex. I told him no. I don't think I could have been any clearer. But still, he did it anyways. It lasted the whole movie. I'm sorry this is not very detailed, I just really don't want to think about it. It's been affecting my mood over the last couple of days. I can't stop thinking about it. It's made me feel worthless to him.

I was in recovery from suicide attempts and having depression. But this has sort of spiralled me out of control. I don't wanna be alive anymore honestly.

What do I do? I love him but can't go on like this…

That's really not the actions of a guy who loves you. That's a selfish act.
I hope you draw the line with this guy. Love or not he's violating your most personal boundaries

 

[ashtoreth]

If talking and setting boundaries doesn't make this stop, my advice is get the fuck out of there. i know you're in love and attached, but if this keeps going, it will fuck you up. every time that he gets his way, it reinforces him learning that he can do it. i had a similar thing going on for years, and i can tell you it's not gonna get better and you will end up feeling broken and despising physical stuff. i don't know how to make you see what i see, but i wish i could. i see a definite danger to your wellbeing and health. make it stop, either way. it's already making you suicidal now, for god's sake.
and no, it's not your fault he's horny. he is responsible for his own feelings and actions, and being horny, even if you had a part in it, does NOT make it okay in any way to continue after a refusal. that's like the people who say it's women's fault they get assaulted because they dress like this or whatever. no. that's a feeble excuse to not responsibly direct your own behaviour.
i wish you the strength to stop this.

 

[Tesha]

Well, you asked for advice - so I'm going to give it.

You need to value yourself more, put your needs and wants first, and accept that you cannot control his coercive behaviour.

Please, for your own mental and physical wellbeing, leave him.

He is not worth your time or effort to try and explain how you're feeling in the hope he'll change his behaviour.

You are worth more.