I need some advice and dofferent perspectives

[FoxSauce]

Well for starters ik talk about my parents a lot but honeslty this confuses me. Is not the first time things like this happens

For some context on the situation: I bought my mom hair cream that cost like 8.97 .

I told her that she could pay me back whenever, I didnt want her to stress her out at all.

Let's move to 3 weeks later the packages arrived amd so on. Today I talked to her calmly and privately I reminded her like hey: you need to pay me the cream I gave you

She responded with : WoW just wow, your seriously charging me for that? I payed your phone bill for 2 months should I charge you that too? Cuz if you want I can charge you that is gonna be 112 dollars amd other things I have bought you and all the times you didnt have money for medical appointments. Is it really worth it?

I didnt say anything cuz honestly I didnt see the point. Plus im not sure if this was some manipulation tactic or im in the wrong for asking her for her to pay me.

Im really at an impasse, I rather ask here for maybe some advice or regain a new perspective. Also if im wromg in this situation feel free to point it out.

 

[pharma]

Dude i lent my mother $5,000 and I haven't seen a dollar of that back. She's 100% manipulating you, especially if she was the one who offered to pay your phone bill. IDK how old you are, but your parents are literally responsibly for your health/ continued existence. My mother has rfused to pay abck the 5k saying that I owe her for keeping me alive. Don't be like me lmfao grow a backbone and ask for the $10 back. Buying her gifts is one thing but if she asked you to go out and buy something, it comes with the implicit agreement that you will be paid back

 

[asaṅkhata]

You're in the wrong here.

 

[FoxSauce]

You're in the wrong here.

How so ? If i may ask respectfully please

Dude i lent my mother $5,000 and I haven't seen a dollar of that back. She's 100% manipulating you, especially if she was the one who offered to pay your phone bill. IDK how old you are, but your parents are literally responsibly for your health/ continued existence. My mother has rfused to pay abck the 5k saying that I owe her for keeping me alive. Don't be like me lmfao grow a backbone and ask for the $10 back. Buying her gifts is one thing but if she asked you to go out and buy something, it comes with the implicit agreement that you will be paid back

Wow im so sorry that happened. Thank for your for input on this

Dude i lent my mother $5,000 and I haven't seen a dollar of that back. She's 100% manipulating you, especially if she was the one who offered to pay your phone bill. IDK how old you are, but your parents are literally responsibly for your health/ continued existence. My mother has rfused to pay abck the 5k saying that I owe her for keeping me alive. Don't be like me lmfao grow a backbone and ask for the $10 back. Buying her gifts is one thing but if she asked you to go out and buy something, it comes with the implicit agreement that you will be paid back

Im actually 21-

 

[CursedReality]

I don't usually touch stuff like this but.. this might put things into perspective for you? If not then at least i hope it makes you think. Anyways.. when it comes to family matters, i tend to turn the other cheek. I've been ripped off 10k by my mother before, as well as her doing the same to my siblings.. but even with that context, she's old now and has early onset dementia. I'd give anything to have her back to her "Manipulating" old self just because that's me i guess. I suggest letting it go and just tryna clarify it better in the future. Just because someone does that to you doesn't mean you have to stoop to that level. Hugs though, these types of matters hurt the heart sometimes.

 

[FoxSauce]

Guess not is 8 bucks anyways right? Guess is not a bid deal

 

[Forveleth]

In my life, $9 is not that much. If my mother asked me to buy her something for $9, I would not even bother asking for money back and I think she would get annoyed because she knows I do not need the funds. However, everyone's financial situation is different and $9 means a lot to some people. So, I would say this depends on your financial situation.

What bothers me about this situation is this:

I payed your phone bill for 2 months should I charge you that too?... amd other things I have bought you and all the times you didnt have money for medical appointments.

If that money was freely given to help you, she can not use that as something to hold over your head. My mother has said something similar to this to me before and I wanted to retort that I can send her the bills from my therapist since that cost exists thanks to her. Even if you can afford the $9 just fine, your mother should not be using this threat as a reason to not pay for it. This is definitely manipulative.

 

[FoxSauce]

In my life, $9 is not that much. If my mother asked me to buy her something for $9, I would not even bother asking for money back and I think she would get annoyed because she knows I do not need the funds. However, everyone's financial situation is different and $9 means a lot to some people. So, I would say this depends on your financial situation.

What bothers me about this situation is this:

If that money was freely given to help you, she can not use that as something to hold over your head. My mother has said something similar to this to me before and I wanted to retort that I can send her the bills from my therapist since that cost exists thanks to her. Even if you can afford the $9 just fine, your mother should not be using this threat as a reason to not pay for it. This is definitely manipulative.

Honestly yeah I wanted those nine dollars for honeslty to help out or even groceri3s or gas for the car. Since well im in charge of groceries other things so 9 bucks can help even for meds and medical appointments

But yeah I wont definitely ask for it back. Is not worth the hassle.

I just felt like an asshole for even asking.

 

[pharma]

How so ? If i may ask respectfully please

Wow im so sorry that happened. Thank for your for input on this

Im actually 21-

TBH i don't agree with the others here. She's guilt tripping you about it which is insane. Maybe I grew up in a poor family but 10$ is like. An hour or so of working? That's how I see things

 

[FoxSauce]

TBH i don't agree with the others here. She's guilt tripping you about it which is insane. Maybe I grew up in a poor family but 10$ is like. An hour or so of working? That's how I see things

Well I see why 9 dollars isnt a big deal. I wont bother her for that.

Is true, I should be Hella greatful for what she gave me and I am.

But if I have a bit ont pocket for gas and or groceries then thats a win. I never minded giving her anything or too anyone feels nice to pay for other people. Rn I feel like an asshole for asking.

 

[CursedReality]

Well I see why 9 dollars isnt a big deal. I wont bother her for that.

Is true, I should be Hella greatful for what she gave me and I am.

But if I have a bit ont pocket for gas and or groceries then thats a win. I never minded giving her anything or too anyone feels nice to pay for other people. Rn I feel like an asshole for asking.

Honestly, your feelings on the subject DO matter. I don't think it's that big of a deal tbh, but i agree with the manipulation thing. It starts small and get's bigger as time goes if you don't say anything. Sometimes dealing with family isn't always easy though either depending on the person. Having had countless arguments over trivial stuff, it does get better as you start to say what you felt like because of what happened.

 

[FoxSauce]

Honestly, your feelings on the subject DO matter. I don't think it's that big of a deal tbh, but i agree with the manipulation thing. It starts small and get's bigger as time goes if you don't say anything. Sometimes dealing with family isn't always easy though either depending on the person. Having had countless arguments over trivial stuff, it does get better as you start to say what you felt like because of what happened.

Ive tried but but well she'll saying the same thing, ofc she says im ungreatful and selfish plus ik I shouldn't but she wont talk to me for days if I dont do what she wants.

Ik how it goes, I realize is better to keep quiet and move on. It hurts yes but expressing them is just gonna make it worse.

The times I have stand up for myself makes things so much worse.

She has a way to make you feel like utter shit.

But deep deep down I believe also shes a good person i just wish she would change her ways thats all. Idk if thats a lot to ask

 

[CursedReality]

Ive tried but but well she'll saying the same thing, ofc she says im ungreatful and selfish plus ik I shouldn't but she wont talk to me for days if I dont do what she wants.

Ik how it goes, I realize is better to keep quiet and move on. It hurts yes but expressing them is just gonna make it worse.

The times I have stand up for myself makes things so much worse.

She has a way to make you feel like utter shit.

But deep deep down I believe also shes a good person i just wish she would change her ways thats all. Idk if thats a lot to ask

I can't give good advice on how to make her change, but i do know how it feels to have that happen to you. That isn't asking alot at all, if anything i'm the type of person to try and do exactly that. Keep quiet and move on. But yenno, venting helps too. It at least keeps you sane. I don't suggest tolerating that behaviour in all honestly, but if you're stuck in your situation there's not much you can do. Sometimes it does get better though.

 

[FoxSauce]

I can't give good advice on how to make her change, but i do know how it feels to have that happen to you. That isn't asking alot at all, if anything i'm the type of person to try and do exactly that. Keep quiet and move on. But yenno, venting helps too. It at least keeps you sane. I don't suggest tolerating that behaviour in all honestly, but if you're stuck in your situation there's not much you can do. Sometimes it does get better though.

Your right thank you for you advice, really. I appreciate it

 

[caesium]

I'd generally recommend never expecting family members to pay you back for anything. In my experience they'll find some way to either not pay you or delay it as much as possible, and are more likely to act entitled about the situation. At some point (at least to me) the drama isn't worth the money.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Did she ask you to buy the cream for her or, is it something you thought she would like so- you decided to get it? The latter sounds more like it was a gift of sorts. I suppose we don't usually present someone with a gift and then ask them for the money.

My Dad suffers with dry skin. So- I bought and sent him some cream I find to be really good for that. I payed for that because it wasn't something he directly asked for. If on the other hand- I'd told him I used it and he asked me to buy some for him, chances are- he would have sent me the money. I doubt I'd chase for it though- if I'm honest but, at the moment, I don't need to so much- I have work.

So- I think it depends on the scenario. To some extent, I think parents have a point. I'm assuming she pays the bills. The rent/mortgage. Likely buys the food you all eat etc. I'm not sure many people do realise how much they're saving when they live with parents. Even if you are contributing rent or towards bills, it's likely a fraction of what you would pay on your own. So- I can sort of see it why parents get annoyed when their children chase (comparatively) small amounts.

I think they also might feel a bit offended that it lowers the relationship into something transactional. The gesture to buy something for someone is nice- on its own. To then ask for the money though- takes the edge off.

I remember reading in a previous post that your Mum 'stole' some of your sisters shampoo- was it? But then, I can't remember if your sister had actually bought that or, your Mum. But, if you'd bought her cream in order to try and stop her stealing yours or your sisters (obviously, I don't know that,) she might also be thinking back to that disagreement.

There again- you know your mother better than anyone. If she is the sort of person to exploit others, it makes sense you would try to nip any of that in the bud.

 

[FoxSauce]

Did she ask you to buy the cream for her or, is it something you thought she would like so- you decided to get it? The latter sounds more like it was a gift of sorts. I suppose we don't usually present someone with a gift and then ask them for the money.

My Dad suffers with dry skin. So- I bought and sent him some cream I find to be really good for that. I payed for that because it wasn't something he directly asked for. If on the other hand- I'd told him I used it and he asked me to buy some for him, chances are- he would have sent me the money. I doubt I'd chase for it though- if I'm honest but, at the moment, I don't need to so much- I have work.

So- I think it depends on the scenario. To some extent, I think parents have a point. I'm assuming she pays the bills. The rent/mortgage. Likely buys the food you all eat etc. I'm not sure many people do realise how much they're saving when they live with parents. Even if you are contributing rent or towards bills, it's likely a fraction of what you would pay on your own. So- I can sort of see it why parents get annoyed when their children chase (comparatively) small amounts.

I think they also might feel a bit offended that it lowers the relationship into something transactional. The gesture to buy something for someone is nice- on its own. To then ask for the money though- takes the edge off.

I remember reading in a previous post that your Mum 'stole' some of your sisters shampoo- was it? But then, I can't remember if your sister had actually bought that or, your Mum. But, if you'd bought her cream in order to try and stop her stealing yours or your sisters (obviously, I don't know that,) she might also be thinking back to that disagreement.

There again- you know your mother better than anyone. If she is the sort of person to exploit others, it makes sense you would try to nip any of that in the bud.

Yeah she did take the shampoo my sister bought without asking.

No she ask me if i could get her one, I said ok no problem, I told her she could pay me back when she can.

Then again kinda my fault since I didnt hear a reply from her. I dont mind buying her a gift when she needs too tho but i thought that money back could help with other things like groceries and such.

But in all honesty Im not gonna ask for it back. Seems petty of me to fight over almost 9 dollars.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah she did take the shampoo my sister bought without asking.

No she ask me if i could get her one, I said ok no problem, I told her she could pay me back when she can.

Then again kinda my fault since I didnt hear a reply from her. I dont mind buying her a gift when she needs too tho but i thought that money back could help with other things like groceries and such.

But in all honesty Im not gonna ask for it back. Seems petty of me to fight over almost 9 dollars.

That does seem resonable of you then- if she actually asked you to buy it. It would kind of imply she would give you the money. But yeah- seems like chasing for the money may be more trouble than it's worth now.

I may have misunderstood the situation too- if you are also buying the groceries etc. Does your Mum work, do you? If that isn't too personal a question. Is she expecting you to support the household?

 

[FoxSauce]

That does seem resonable of you then- if she actually asked you to buy it. It would kind of imply she would give you the money. But yeah- seems like chasing for the money may be more trouble than it's worth now.

I may have misunderstood the situation too- if you are also buying the groceries etc. Does your Mum work, do you? If that isn't too personal a question. Is she expecting you to support the household?

Dw I can amswer Yes I do work, so does she. If i dont cooaporate I have to move out. Honestly which is honestly reasonable, I pay groceries, appointments, meds, gas and my phone bill. (I dont mond cooperating again seems pretty reasonable)