I need help but I don't know what to do

[saunabliss]

I don't have anyone in my life that cares for me. I lost the love of my life. I'm all alone and I blame myself 100%. I ended up in a very dark place because of my actions alone.

I don't see any way out. If I knew a surefire way to recover I would do it in a heartbeat but my heart and my body have told me for almost two decades that I will always be unhappy. I will never get over my depression and I will always be alone.

Talking to people didn't work. I once told my long-time "best friend" that I had suicidal thoughts and she quickly ended the call and pretended the conversation never happened. I told one ex that I was depressed and he broke up with me afterward. I have tried to keep an open and positive mind and if you meet in me person, I'm always laughing and making jokes. But that's just a facade, a mask to cover my pain.

I spoke to numerous therapists but in the end, I never connected with any of them except one and I couldn't see her anymore because I couldn't afford it. They didn't seem genuine, like they really didn't care about me. All I ever wanted was to have just one person to genuinely care. That's my only wish in life.

I'm not perfect person. I've made so many mistakes in life. But if there's any way I can avoid CTB, if there's any chance that I can live a happy life, then I want to take it.

I don't have the strength in me to go on like this anymore. I'm so tired.

 

[DrPepper709]

Know you're not alone. I wrote a similar post, so I just wanted you to know you're not the only one.

If I were you, I'd first start by reevaluating who your friends are because that's a really poor way to handle someone who is suicidal, and the same goes with your ex, but he's your ex, so good job there. Secondly, I would see if there's anything in life that's remotely worth living for. For me its my business, I want to make it happen so I'm sticking around but that's it. For now, that has to be enough. What's your reason gonna be? You need to find something bigger than yourself that will help you stay for a few more months, and think small. At least, that's helped me.

 

[saunabliss]

Know you're not alone. I wrote a similar post, so I just wanted you to know you're not the only one.

If I were you, I'd first start by reevaluating who your friends are because that's a really poor way to handle someone who is suicidal, and the same goes with your ex, but he's your ex, so good job there. Secondly, I would see if there's anything in life that's remotely worth living for. For me its my business, I want to make it happen so I'm sticking around but that's it. For now, that has to be enough. What's your reason gonna be? You need to find something bigger than yourself that will help you stay for a few more months, and think small. At least, that's helped me.

Thanks DrPepper. I used to only live for work and I was good at it. But my last job was very traumatizing for me. If I was happy at my job, then I don't think I would be suicidal even if I don't have any friends.

I'm really glad that you have your business and I hope it grows and helps you in your journey. I hope I can find something that's worth living for.

 

[DrPepper709]

Thanks DrPepper. I used to only live for work and I was good at it. But my last job was very traumatizing for me. If I was happy at my job, then I don't think I would be suicidal even if I don't have any friends.

I'm really glad that you have your business and I hope it grows and helps you in your journey. I hope I can find something that's worth living for.

I hope you can, too!

 

[Silent Raindrops]

DrPepper709 said it best.

There comes a time when it's time for you to be there for you, put yourself first and figure out where you want to go and the best way to get there.

There is no definite answers to all the questions you ask yourself. Sometimes you just have to search for them by yourself.