I need advice or insight on something.

[Garbage Person]

This is related to relations with an ex and our children. I'll try to keep it super short and to the point.

I was in a crisis center for 10 days and just got out Tuesday. I got in touch with my ex on Wednesday evening to see how they were, let her know what my plans are, and finished the conversation by asking to see them the next evening (Thursday). I never got a response, not that evening, not Thursday, or yesterday. I tried to be respectful in case she was busy but I grew tired and just tried again. She agreed that we would meet tomorrow afternoon in a local park, weather permitting. I thought all was well, but then she sent one final text after the planning, it read as follows:

"Are we not gonna talk about how you never texted me about seeing them the last time you asked?"

Okay, what the fuck is this? I haven't responded and don't think I will. This seems like instigating a fight. As an adult that's trying to be respectful, I don't feel I should have to blow her phone up or beg and plea for an answer. This text she sent is just proof that she blew off my original request. Should I have to show some kind of annoying persistence with text messages just to see my kids? I've been so tempted to respond and let her know that she answered her own question by showing her true colors and blowing off my question. My honest feelings are that I hope she ends up in a fatal car accident and burns to death, but I can't say that. Any input here that I'm not seeing? Am I correct in seeing things the way I do? I'm confused and don't want this to evolve into a fight. I hate the power she holds and I feel like my own children have become bait for her own sick pleasure. Please give me a hand here, I have nowhere else to ask this or turn fo guidance.

 

[so tired or manic]

it's there a way to get an inbetween person involved? I don't know enough about custody, or even where you are, to have a good answer. I know lawyers will set up visitation in some situations. it sounds like if she's not going to work with you as a reasonable human then it might be a good idea to try to find a third party who can work with both of you.

I wish I had better resources.

 

[Garbage Person]

@so tired or manic I'm just thankful for a response, this has me so stressed out. I've tried to get the few family members I have to play that role but no one is involved or interested in even seeing the kids. She had talked to me in the past about signing over my parental rights but I believe that would involve having another able parent to take my place. I wish I had a friend that was well versed in laws involving parenting. I'd like to look into options but I'm pretty much flat broke right now and it's discouraging. I'm in the state of Illinois. My biggest fear is eventually getting slapped with child support payments for kids I don't even get to raise or see. That would be instant suicide territory for me, and about the only way my life could get real bad and quick. I would gladly sign over my kids if it's an option. I love them, but this is a nightmare and they deserve better.

 

[so tired or manic]

I've met people who got paid under the counter so they didn't have to pay for child support. if it's not recorded, they can't take it.

child support is based on how much you're making.

 

[Garbage Person]

@so tired or manic Same here, it would be the only way for me to get by. It would still completely fuck my plans for what I'm trying to do (social work). I don't know for sure but I've heard you can lose your license if you're unable to pay child support and I'm pretty sure it also just stacks up as another form of debt. I was never prepared for this stuff, I can't believe I was dumb enough to have kids with someone so quickly. I loved and cared for her so much at one time. I never saw it all coming down to moments like these. It's the first time in my life I ever wanted time travel to be a thing.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

So she didn't respond and you kept it cool. Then you asked again and she responded.

Now she's saying that she didn't not respond, but that you are the one who didn't respond. Is that correct?

I wouldn't lose my shit. She may not have gotten your text. If someone else has access to her phone they may have deleted it. Or she could be fucking around with you. I'd stay cool and send her screen shots, ask her if that's what she's referring to, because you were under the impression she was the one who wasn't answering but perhaps she didn't get the messages.

 

[Garbage Person]

Really, what a bitch. It had to be intentional too. That sentence features a glaring contradiction without me even needing to point it out.
@GoodPersonEffed I think she got the text and is implying that I'm bad for not sending follow up messages looking for a prompt response. Unless I'm reading it wrong, but I didn't ask her how they were doing today, just asked if I could see them tomorrow. It's a bit of a mind fuck, as if she's trying to guilt me for her lack of a response.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Really, what a bitch. It had to be intentional too. That sentence features a glaring contradiction without me even needing to point it out.
@GoodPersonEffed I think she got the text and is implying that I'm bad for not sending follow up messages looking for a prompt response. Unless I'm reading it wrong, but I didn't ask her how they were doing today, just asked if I could see them tomorrow. It's a bit of a mind fuck, as if she's trying to guilt me for her lack of a response.

All I can say is to ask questions, like, "Can you clarify?" If she's being shitty, she'll probably act shitty, or, it may catch her up and she may back off if she wasn't aware she was being aggressive. But if you're in error, then you'll get clarification.

 

[Garbage Person]

@GoodPersonEffed Thanks a lot. When I made this, you actually came to mind and I was hoping you'd drop in and give your two cents. You were there for me when I made my first thread and your words stuck with me. I certainly will not lose my shit. I don't want to give her the satisfaction of a fight or getting me flustered and making myself look bad. She is the only individual I've known in 31 years that can manipulate my feelings, I assume it's the connection due to the kids. Breakups never really got to me either until it came to ours, for the same reason. I'm assuming I'll get no response or she'll just immediately patronize me for not nagging her about seeing them, especially if I send something neutral like "can you clarify?" with a screens hot of my original text from days ago asking to see them. It's a shame that text messages generally don't hold up in court from my understanding. This seems like a good example of how she twists things to instigate a fight or make me look/feel shitty.
@GoodPersonEffed Okay, so I sent a screenshot of the text I sent on Wednesday with the text: "Can you clarify what you meant in your last message? I'm thinking you may not have received my message about seeing them when I messaged you on Wednesday. I was just giving you time to respond in case you were busy. I'm excited to see them and mean no harm."

Her response was a screenshot of the same chat. Turns out I'm the one who didn't get her response about seeing them where she said "sure". Now this all makes sense and I just feel like an asshole. I just wasted like two hours thinking about this misunderstanding, all due to a technical hiccup. Ugh.

 

[AvaAdore]

I would reply I noticed you didn't respond but I want to keep the peace between us as much as possible.

 

[Garbage Person]

@AvaAdore Luckily, it was a huge misunderstanding due to me not receiving her response. I'm really getting tired of having this issue with my phone, even if it is a rare occurrence. This time, it caused me to stress over something I didn't need to and I could have seen my kids two days ago.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

At least you didn't make an ass of yourself! Those two hours sucked...but she doesn't know that.

 

[Garbage Person]

@GoodPersonEffed Word! I've been pretty good lately about stepping back and thinking about things instead of just letting my emotions take the reins. Seems to be working in my benefit most of the time. Hopefully she doesn't lurk here. This thread is a shining example of how I'm a total spaz, always assuming the worst and over thinking.

 

[so tired or manic]

glad you found out. sucks it happened though. wish it was easy to get a good plan. they're expensive and don't like when you owe another plan money. yaaay capitalism

 

[Garbage Person]

@so tired or manic I think winning a large sum of money would actually fix most of my issues. I really want to buy a plot of land in this area for the growing homeless population and form a small community that operates on small tribal ideals with very few rules outside of whats already in place by state and federal government bodies. I get sick of participating in their games. Our leaders (corporations) don't have our best interests in mind and the only important voting we can do is with our wallets.

 

[Uzera]

@so tired or manic I think winning a large sum of money would actually fix most of my issues. I really want to buy a plot of land in this area for the growing homeless population and form a small community that operates on small tribal ideals with very few rules outside of whats already in place by state and federal government bodies. I get sick of participating in their games. Our leaders (corporations) don't have our best interests in mind and the only important voting we can do is with our wallets.

I just ran across this thread and didn't realize it was new at first. I got to see you have your problem AND get the relief all in a minute lol. Glad things worked out. I was gonna say don't blow up you should try and talk to her and then if shes a total bitch thats a different issue.