Venting I miss you

[On Replay]

I'm not the best at expressing myself. I've read more up here than what I contribute. Feel like I never have the right thing to say, like I don't and will never fit in anywhere. From those who say they have it all to those who say "I'm mentally unstable". LITERALLY someone said that to me today, went to get more alcohol after fighting the urge ALL DAY. Mind you I had to walk there, so yes, the urge was strong.

The cashiers there were so nice, playful even, with one giving me a fist bump after teasing me about the kind of tequila I was getting.

When I went to the counter, the other employee said "Don't mind us, we're mentally unstable" all I could say was "haha ME TOO" Small talk about how I had no friends and the two guys commenting . I can't remember everything verbatim or "word for word" but I ended up leaving with one of the guys giving me his number and saying I could reach out any time and that I at least had one friend.

I took it kindly. Knowing I'd never reach out.

Lost the point of what I was wanting to say from the beginning.

Oh right "I miss you" after re-reading the title I created.

Why do I miss the one person who made me feel the most like shit ?

Maybe because he's the one person who made me feel the most seen. I miss him so much. But I guess call me crazy, because he's also the one person who has made me feel like the biggest piece of shit (besides me myself)

Excuse my rambling, let me get back to Joji. (Happens to be what I was listening to before pausing)

 

[WhatPowerIs]

It is almost cruel how twisted our own emotions can be regarding the people who have hurt us (but were really supposed to love us).

 

[On Replay]

Joji- Glimpse of Us

It is almost cruel how twisted our own emotions can be regarding the people who have hurt us (but were really supposed to love us).

I wish I did love me. But I've never hated anyone more than me

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I wish I did love me. But I've never hated anyone more than me

I can sadly relate to that.

 

[theboy]

Natural masochism

 

[Sadboyspecimen]

I feel this

 

[On Replay]

Natural masochism

What do you mean

 

[theboy]

What do you mean

humans are masochists by nature. Maybe that explains why you love that guy who treated you badly.

 

[On Replay]

humans are masochists by nature. Maybe that explains why you love that guy who treated you badly.

What makes you think we're that by nature, out of curiosity

 

[Spyro24]

I'm in a similar situation... I love her and I miss her. I think about her every second of every minute of every hour of every single day. She is the reason I'm alive today but she is also the reason I feel like complete shit and nearly killed myself once.

 

[On Replay]

I'm in a similar situation... I love her and I miss her. I think about her every second of every minute of every hour of every single day. She is the reason I'm alive today but she is also the reason I feel like complete shit and nearly killed myself once.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you as well. It's not easy , I know. Throughout it all, even in the bad, I still wanted it to work. But it wasn't healthy, wasn't safe. No one needs anyone who makes them feel like shit, especially to the point they want to kill themselves. I believe it takes a lot to WANT and COMMIT to taking your life. Love lost, That's an awful feeling. I feel empty without him, but I know deep down he didn't want the best for me. He preyed on my weakness and craving for love.

I hope you find someone who loves and cherishes you so much (if that's still what you want) it's always nice to have someone there

 

[Lynx.]

I often find myself in a similar place. Although I do not miss people in particular, especially those who made me feel like crap, I still miss the moments in time which had those people in them.

In a way, I long for the days where I could at least spend the day in company of other people without my mind drifting to melancholic thoughts. I also long for attention and affection, of course; and back then when they were in my life I could actually laugh and enjoy myself truthfully.

Nowadays I'm just a shell of what my former personality was.

I genuinely think I'm doing better without them all, right now, and yet I can't help but to think of those 'what-if' scenarios in my head and to wander back to better times...

Being a human is kind of weird... So many needs and desires that make us miss times or people who weren't even good to us in the first place...

 

[akana]

love joji

 

[Spyro24]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you as well. It's not easy , I know. Throughout it all, even in the bad, I still wanted it to work. But it wasn't healthy, wasn't safe. No one needs anyone who makes them feel like shit, especially to the point they want to kill themselves. I believe it takes a lot to WANT and COMMIT to taking your life. Love lost, That's an awful feeling. I feel empty without him, but I know deep down he didn't want the best for me. He preyed on my weakness and craving for love.

I hope you find someone who loves and cherishes you so much (if that's still what you want) it's always nice to have someone there

That's exactly what I want and what I've been looking for... someone who truly loves me. But I've already lost all hope of ever finding that person

 

[On Replay]

That's exactly what I want and what I've been looking for... someone who truly loves me. But I've already lost all hope of ever finding that person

I hope you find that person. I really do

 

[Spyro24]

I hope you find that person. I really do

I hope you do too!

 

[Al0neAlwayz]

I'm in a similar situation... I love her and I miss her. I think about her every second of every minute of every hour of every single day. She is the reason I'm alive today but she is also the reason I feel like complete shit and nearly killed myself once.

Same here. I miss my ex husband with every breathe that I take. Every day I wake up and am heartbroken that my current situation is in fact reality and not a horrible nightmare that I've yet to wake up from. Doesn't feel real that after all the time we were together (almost 25 yrs) I was so easily thrown away like a piece of trash...

 

[theboy]

What makes you think we're that by nature, out of curiosity

Simple: The devil exists