BurgundySnap
Sick of being sick
- Jul 19, 2023
- 72
This is less of a ramble and more of a word salad, so many apologies.
In recent years, I find myself thinking more and more about the friends I have lost who have died. At some point we had each other, then one day they were gone. I was so close to them, so it feels as if I know things that quite literally no one else will ever know about these people I loved. And even though they are gone, I still feel I cannot tell anyone. If I go to a friend, then I fear I would be seen as evil and an enabler since they do not understand and are against suicide in any reasoning wholeheartedly. And I am too reclusive to ever approach anyone here, no matter how nice.
It just feels like I am the only person who will ever know "the truth" about what my friends went through before they died. And I think from an outside perspective, it would just look like I am too sentimental about these people.
One of their anniversaries is coming up soon, and another following soon after, and I do not feel ready to relive it. The last messages, the thanks, the goodbyes. My heart keeps breaking, and I never have enough time to let it scab over before it breaks again.
I wish I had a keepsake to hold close, or a tombstone to visit.
Maybe I could finally get some closure.
In recent years, I find myself thinking more and more about the friends I have lost who have died. At some point we had each other, then one day they were gone. I was so close to them, so it feels as if I know things that quite literally no one else will ever know about these people I loved. And even though they are gone, I still feel I cannot tell anyone. If I go to a friend, then I fear I would be seen as evil and an enabler since they do not understand and are against suicide in any reasoning wholeheartedly. And I am too reclusive to ever approach anyone here, no matter how nice.
It just feels like I am the only person who will ever know "the truth" about what my friends went through before they died. And I think from an outside perspective, it would just look like I am too sentimental about these people.
One of their anniversaries is coming up soon, and another following soon after, and I do not feel ready to relive it. The last messages, the thanks, the goodbyes. My heart keeps breaking, and I never have enough time to let it scab over before it breaks again.
I wish I had a keepsake to hold close, or a tombstone to visit.
Maybe I could finally get some closure.
