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wait i'm goated
- Feb 12, 2023
- 407
not posting this on the main forum because i don't think it belongs there. this is not really a vent.
things are still constantly getting worse. i came to many conclusions about my situation and why things are as bad as they are. people say i'm overthinking or something, but my theories are constantly being proven right. everything proves itself all the time and that's what it's been like for years, even when i try my hardest to look for something that will prove me wrong. lame + my birthday coming up is making me feel crazier. i gotta get my shit together before then or it will be infinitely worse later on.
the nightly anxiety attacks come back sometimes so i'm having trouble sleeping. i've been trting to approach the issue in a different way. my plan was to bore myself to sleep and i thought reading the bible while panicking would help. it was difficult to read because my thoughts were racing, i read the same few words over and over. the anxiety eventually lessened and it got easier to read, it didn't bore me at all. it's been so long since i felt this enamored with something. idk if i can say that it helped because i'm not sure how i feel overall. regardless of whether or not im feeling anxious, i've been forcing myself to stay awake as long as possible and read it. i think i absorb some of the themes and messages better while sleep deprived. it makes work a bit difficult but it could be worse, so i don't mind. anyways, if i dont do this then i will just have an anxiety attack and i will be sleep deprived anyway. i think i'm better when i'm running on empty, i don't have the energy to get annoyed at the daily inconveniences.
idk how much sense this made because i'm still really tired.
things are still constantly getting worse. i came to many conclusions about my situation and why things are as bad as they are. people say i'm overthinking or something, but my theories are constantly being proven right. everything proves itself all the time and that's what it's been like for years, even when i try my hardest to look for something that will prove me wrong. lame + my birthday coming up is making me feel crazier. i gotta get my shit together before then or it will be infinitely worse later on.
the nightly anxiety attacks come back sometimes so i'm having trouble sleeping. i've been trting to approach the issue in a different way. my plan was to bore myself to sleep and i thought reading the bible while panicking would help. it was difficult to read because my thoughts were racing, i read the same few words over and over. the anxiety eventually lessened and it got easier to read, it didn't bore me at all. it's been so long since i felt this enamored with something. idk if i can say that it helped because i'm not sure how i feel overall. regardless of whether or not im feeling anxious, i've been forcing myself to stay awake as long as possible and read it. i think i absorb some of the themes and messages better while sleep deprived. it makes work a bit difficult but it could be worse, so i don't mind. anyways, if i dont do this then i will just have an anxiety attack and i will be sleep deprived anyway. i think i'm better when i'm running on empty, i don't have the energy to get annoyed at the daily inconveniences.
idk how much sense this made because i'm still really tired.
