scarletbriar
The Ghost Widow
- Jun 16, 2025
- 2
Hi everyone, I just wanted to post here since I really wanna succeed right now and get my thoughts out really quick.
I've been thinking about this for months and months now and I feel like I'm just wasting even more time by "feeling" into it. Just a few weeks ago, my dad reprimanded me for not keeping my shit together, while justifiably, I fear what he's going to do to me because he quite literally said he's going to kill me if he gets angry. And I don't want to die at the hands of somebody like that; I want my death to be on my terms.
It's just so funny because this family is one of the reasons I have felt so demotivated for life in a long time since I was a kid. Everyone tells me to just get over it but they will never get the feeling of being depressed *since you were little.* Not just an episode—literally since I was a *child.* Now, it's gotten worse since I'm trying to convince myself to get it over with—I've not been taking proper care of myself in a while and I feel so disgusting and numb.
It's so stupid that I actually had a dream and tried to be normal. I had friends and a (semblance of a) life but it's my brain that has been sabotaging me for a long time. Considering the continued lows and state of my non-existent education, I see no future for me at this point. It's all just one vicious cycle that I'm gonna be submerged in over and over again no matter how hard I try. All I wanna do is just sleep. Eternally. I am so tired...
Tonight, I'm gonna hang myself and hopefully get the true peace I've been longing for since I was 8.
So yeah, in case I don't reply within the next 7 days, I'm probably dead by then. Hope I succeed, that's all!
I've been thinking about this for months and months now and I feel like I'm just wasting even more time by "feeling" into it. Just a few weeks ago, my dad reprimanded me for not keeping my shit together, while justifiably, I fear what he's going to do to me because he quite literally said he's going to kill me if he gets angry. And I don't want to die at the hands of somebody like that; I want my death to be on my terms.
It's just so funny because this family is one of the reasons I have felt so demotivated for life in a long time since I was a kid. Everyone tells me to just get over it but they will never get the feeling of being depressed *since you were little.* Not just an episode—literally since I was a *child.* Now, it's gotten worse since I'm trying to convince myself to get it over with—I've not been taking proper care of myself in a while and I feel so disgusting and numb.
It's so stupid that I actually had a dream and tried to be normal. I had friends and a (semblance of a) life but it's my brain that has been sabotaging me for a long time. Considering the continued lows and state of my non-existent education, I see no future for me at this point. It's all just one vicious cycle that I'm gonna be submerged in over and over again no matter how hard I try. All I wanna do is just sleep. Eternally. I am so tired...
Tonight, I'm gonna hang myself and hopefully get the true peace I've been longing for since I was 8.
So yeah, in case I don't reply within the next 7 days, I'm probably dead by then. Hope I succeed, that's all!
