Help i make everyone unhappy

[Moroze]

i have bpd, and myalgic encephalomyelitis, they call it chronic fatigue syndrome.

where i live, most havent heard of it or don't believe it being real. my doctor says i have all the symptoms but no one listens. he says its a disabling condition but i dont receive illness payments.

i'm so tired. some days i don't shower. some days i don't eat. i can barely do anything. sometimes, it hurts to move. im bedridden every day.

they say i'm lazy. bpd makes me seem unstable.

i just exist and make everyone unhappy
i dont have a job
i have nothing but one friend

a friend i constantly hurt because of the bpd

even though they mean the world to me.

hard to set up ctb because of the fatigue, but i need to.

 

[SanagiMezamete]

Wow, I'm so sorry. That just sounds awful. Invisible diseases are a double whammie because other people are naturally inclined to dismiss symptoms they they can't see. So you're gaslit on top of everything else. BPD is really rough too.

I'm glad to hear you have a friend but it's sad you feel like you're hurting them. I don't know what the answer to that is. I've been struggling a lot with that feeling myself, that I'm always pulling the people in my life down. To some extent your friends are there for you to lean on, but what if I'm just too much for them? Everyone has a limit. And losing people is crushing.

Please don't feel bad for existing or for being the way you are <3 It's not your fault. You deserve supportive friends like everyone else. Wishing the very best for you.