GreyCTB
Student
- Aug 26, 2022
- 120
Hey guys, long time no see.
I haven't been on here in a long time. The last time that I posted was about 2 months ago when I made my goodbye thread.
You know, I didn't actually ctb. I had everything ready and was just about to do it, but at the very last second I decided not to. I don't even remember why.
The days and weeks after that I still did not enjoy my life at all. I still longed for death, and I didn't really understand why my life was so bad. To be honest it felt like hell.
Well, a few weeks later I came accross a book that literally changed my life and started my recovery journey. It described what I was going through so accurately and no therapist or mental health institute would have even be able to explain 1% of what I read.
The book is called "Industrial society and it's future" and it's written by Ted Kazcinsky. I don't care what anybody says, this man is a fucking prophet and I genuinely believe that the majority of you would be able to benefit from this.
After reading it entirely and spending some time accepting what was written in there I started getting out of depression. Easily 50% of my suicidal feelings were ended by coming to acceptance with what was written in there, and I think honestly it would help a lot of you guys as well.
Basically, humans have a natural need for autonomy. If this need is not met AKA too much change is forced on you, it leads to depression. But the reverse is also true, if you could have anything you want at an instant, it would lead to very serious psychological issues eventually.
This is one of the biggest reasons why so many people are depressed these days. It's because society and the government imposes change on all of us, and we have no say in what happens or does not happen.
Think about the lockdowns and the pandemic for example. You & I have no say whether or not we get fined when we go outside without a mask.
Now, when we're talking about being forced to wear a mask, it's relatively harmless, but the truth is that we're being imposed increasingly intrusive changes. I personally think that in 10-15 years maybe it will become illegal in the west to have an opinion that opposes the mainstream. In 20 years maybe we could have Artificial Intelligence that will enable the government to impose as much restrictions on us as they want.
That feeling of not having a say in what happens in society was one of my biggest reasons to CTB, I just didn't fully realize it. And coming to terms with these facts allowed me to be free. The truth will ALWAYS set you free.
On the other hand, Ted Kazcinsky writes about something called the "power process". This is the innate need for humans to go through some type of battle and coming out victorious.
The power process consists of setting a goal, putting in effort to achieve the goal, and having success in attaining the goal.
Back when cavemen were around, all of this was plain and simple. Their goals were to get food, get water, make a shelter, and fend off any dangerous animals. But in modern times it's not so simple, as food, water and shelter are more easily obtainable, and if you do not have to exert enough effort to fulfill your biological need for the power process you will either 1. Fall into hedonism (watching TV all day, drugs, junkfood, etc.) 2. Start finding something else to fight for. This is also called "surrogate activity"
Think about what physicists are doing. Most of them are studying things which are completely trivial. Deep down, nobody really cares about discovering all the fundamental particles with a large hydron collider like they do at CERN. If their experiments would end up being a failure they wouldn't really be upset. But they go there everyday and keep themselves busy with particle physics anyways because it is a goal that they set, they assert effort to achieve the goal, and they have some form of success in obtaining it. Therefore their biological need for the power process is fulfilled. This is also applicable to writers, musicians, mathemathicians, biologists, etc. If you ask most of these kinds of people why they enjoy their profession, they will say it's because of the satisfaction that they get from it.
So why am I saying all of this? It's because 1. it's way too easy to not fulfill the power process and fall into hedonism these days, and this could be one of the problems you are having that makes you want to ctb. 2. It's possible to go through the power process without gaining any success in what you do, and this is also a serious reason for ctb. I lived both of these, they were my biggest reasons for wanting to ctb, and ever since I was aware of them I have been able to take steps to fix it.
I cannot accurately describe all of this like the book does, so if anything I wrote applies to you, I would like to seriously advice you to go and read the book. You can find it for free online. It does a way better job of explaining everything than me.
By the time I was done reading the book I was freed from my mental issues. My depression went away but I was still suicidal sometimes because I was unable to succeed in so much things, but at least I was in a better position mentally.
A few weeks after that I came accross something else that helped me to be more successful in everything that I do. This basically fixed the other half of my reasons to ctb.
So, my life is far from perfect, but I'm free now. I don't care anymore what happens to society. WW3 might start, maybe AI will take over or the world might end, but I'm happy. I'm finally able to be truly happy and it feels so good. I've been spending more of my time doing what I want and I'm finally taking steps towards fulfilling my dreams, they're small steps but it's so much better than being suicidal and having months go by without having the energy to do anything.
If my story helps at least 1 person then I'll be happy. I'm really sorry for everyone here who is still suicidal, I wish I could do more for you guys right now. Hopefully in the future I will have the resources to set something up to help all of you, it's something I'm fighting for at least.
I haven't been on here in a long time. The last time that I posted was about 2 months ago when I made my goodbye thread.
You know, I didn't actually ctb. I had everything ready and was just about to do it, but at the very last second I decided not to. I don't even remember why.
The days and weeks after that I still did not enjoy my life at all. I still longed for death, and I didn't really understand why my life was so bad. To be honest it felt like hell.
Well, a few weeks later I came accross a book that literally changed my life and started my recovery journey. It described what I was going through so accurately and no therapist or mental health institute would have even be able to explain 1% of what I read.
The book is called "Industrial society and it's future" and it's written by Ted Kazcinsky. I don't care what anybody says, this man is a fucking prophet and I genuinely believe that the majority of you would be able to benefit from this.
After reading it entirely and spending some time accepting what was written in there I started getting out of depression. Easily 50% of my suicidal feelings were ended by coming to acceptance with what was written in there, and I think honestly it would help a lot of you guys as well.
Basically, humans have a natural need for autonomy. If this need is not met AKA too much change is forced on you, it leads to depression. But the reverse is also true, if you could have anything you want at an instant, it would lead to very serious psychological issues eventually.
This is one of the biggest reasons why so many people are depressed these days. It's because society and the government imposes change on all of us, and we have no say in what happens or does not happen.
Think about the lockdowns and the pandemic for example. You & I have no say whether or not we get fined when we go outside without a mask.
Now, when we're talking about being forced to wear a mask, it's relatively harmless, but the truth is that we're being imposed increasingly intrusive changes. I personally think that in 10-15 years maybe it will become illegal in the west to have an opinion that opposes the mainstream. In 20 years maybe we could have Artificial Intelligence that will enable the government to impose as much restrictions on us as they want.
That feeling of not having a say in what happens in society was one of my biggest reasons to CTB, I just didn't fully realize it. And coming to terms with these facts allowed me to be free. The truth will ALWAYS set you free.
On the other hand, Ted Kazcinsky writes about something called the "power process". This is the innate need for humans to go through some type of battle and coming out victorious.
The power process consists of setting a goal, putting in effort to achieve the goal, and having success in attaining the goal.
Back when cavemen were around, all of this was plain and simple. Their goals were to get food, get water, make a shelter, and fend off any dangerous animals. But in modern times it's not so simple, as food, water and shelter are more easily obtainable, and if you do not have to exert enough effort to fulfill your biological need for the power process you will either 1. Fall into hedonism (watching TV all day, drugs, junkfood, etc.) 2. Start finding something else to fight for. This is also called "surrogate activity"
Think about what physicists are doing. Most of them are studying things which are completely trivial. Deep down, nobody really cares about discovering all the fundamental particles with a large hydron collider like they do at CERN. If their experiments would end up being a failure they wouldn't really be upset. But they go there everyday and keep themselves busy with particle physics anyways because it is a goal that they set, they assert effort to achieve the goal, and they have some form of success in obtaining it. Therefore their biological need for the power process is fulfilled. This is also applicable to writers, musicians, mathemathicians, biologists, etc. If you ask most of these kinds of people why they enjoy their profession, they will say it's because of the satisfaction that they get from it.
So why am I saying all of this? It's because 1. it's way too easy to not fulfill the power process and fall into hedonism these days, and this could be one of the problems you are having that makes you want to ctb. 2. It's possible to go through the power process without gaining any success in what you do, and this is also a serious reason for ctb. I lived both of these, they were my biggest reasons for wanting to ctb, and ever since I was aware of them I have been able to take steps to fix it.
I cannot accurately describe all of this like the book does, so if anything I wrote applies to you, I would like to seriously advice you to go and read the book. You can find it for free online. It does a way better job of explaining everything than me.
By the time I was done reading the book I was freed from my mental issues. My depression went away but I was still suicidal sometimes because I was unable to succeed in so much things, but at least I was in a better position mentally.
A few weeks after that I came accross something else that helped me to be more successful in everything that I do. This basically fixed the other half of my reasons to ctb.
So, my life is far from perfect, but I'm free now. I don't care anymore what happens to society. WW3 might start, maybe AI will take over or the world might end, but I'm happy. I'm finally able to be truly happy and it feels so good. I've been spending more of my time doing what I want and I'm finally taking steps towards fulfilling my dreams, they're small steps but it's so much better than being suicidal and having months go by without having the energy to do anything.
If my story helps at least 1 person then I'll be happy. I'm really sorry for everyone here who is still suicidal, I wish I could do more for you guys right now. Hopefully in the future I will have the resources to set something up to help all of you, it's something I'm fighting for at least.
