I m new and I need your help

[Iseeblue_711]

I m thinking of ending things, and I can t really get any poison, or weapons at the moment, I also don t have anything stable to hang myself from.I thought about jumping from the block, but I m scared that I won t die and I ll just remain paralyzed for life.In a way, I would also like, IN A WAY, to be found and revived, just so the people around me would know what I m going through and fucking care a little, and take me serious, because, at the moment, it seems like nobody really gives a shit.But I can t say that actually dying would bother me.I mean, t s better than living like this in any way.I bought a syringe with the thought that maybe, I ll die from injecting air into my veins, but I later discovered that that s bullshit.I also thought of cutting my veins but for it to work you need to cut very deep, and it also hurts like hell(I m self harming, and that hurts a lot, imagine how bad it would hurt cutting even deeper).I searched about killing yourself with something I do have, like Paracetamol or Ibuprofen, but that would just destroy my liver and nothing else so....I would like some suggestions, like what other methods I can be revived from, or not, like I said, I m okay with dying too, nobody takes me serious anw, or after I do it and survive, they ll just make fun of me and consider me by the definition of crazy in our "loving" society, instead of trying to understand and help me.Other suggestions can be like, what other pills can I use that would 100% be affective.I already did most of my letters, and I also got here, so I think I m ready to take the next step.

 

[Ghost2211]

Hello, welcome to the group. I'm sorry to hear life has brought you to such a painful point, and that you're struggling to find a method that works for you. Pills are not going to be a solution I'm sorry say, but how about stick around for a bit and get to know us? You have plenty of reading on different methods accessible here, and you can always reach out if you need a friend.

 

[Mm80]

I m thinking of ending things, and I can t really get any poison, or weapons at the moment, I also don t have anything stable to hang myself from.I thought about jumping from the block, but I m scared that I won t die and I ll just remain paralyzed for life.In a way, I would also like, IN A WAY, to be found and revived, just so the people around me would know what I m going through and fucking care a little, and take me serious, because, at the moment, it seems like nobody really gives a shit.But I can t say that actually dying would bother me.I mean, t s better than living like this in any way.I bought a syringe with the thought that maybe, I ll die from injecting air into my veins, but I later discovered that that s bullshit.I also thought of cutting my veins but for it to work you need to cut very deep, and it also hurts like hell(I m self harming, and that hurts a lot, imagine how bad it would hurt cutting even deeper).I searched about killing yourself with something I do have, like Paracetamol or Ibuprofen, but that would just destroy my liver and nothing else so....I would like some suggestions, like what other methods I can be revived from, or not, like I said, I m okay with dying too, nobody takes me serious anw, or after I do it and survive, they ll just make fun of me and consider me by the definition of crazy in our "loving" society, instead of trying to understand and help me.Other suggestions can be like, what other pills can I use that would 100% be affective.I already did most of my letters, and I also got here, so I think I m ready to take the next step.

You sound very impulsive are you sure you want to be rushing like this with such a big decision?

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Hey, that might sound like a really stupid suggestion, but have you actually told people you want to care how you feel? It might have a more positive effect than a suicidal gesture, that can also give you a lifetime of health issues.
There are multiple effective methods you can find via this thread, but you have to be really sure that death is what you're seeking, you know.

 

[Iseeblue_711]

Hey, that might sound like a really stupid suggestion, but have you actually told people you want to care how you feel? It might have a more positive effect than a suicidal gesture, that can also give you a lifetime of health issues.
There are multiple effective methods you can find via this thread, but you have to be really sure that death is what you're seeking, you know.

I told one of my "parents"(it s not a parent actually but I don t wanna get in details, I also have to mention that I m 18, but still in highschool, last year, so I don t live alone or smth) that my traumatic past experiences haunt me and that I want to go to a psychologist, I really wanted to give life another chance, so I went to the one in my highschool, but I realized that she doesn t have time for me, nor does she care really, and also the school isn t fully open so I can t go to her whenever I feel the impulse to kill myself, and right know I can t go to a paid psychiatrist either, so I feel kinda trapped, unable to do anything for the better or worse.Also, the only 2 close friends I have know about everything, but they can t help me with anything.For a week, I think, I ve been more down than usual, and a lot more angry, so I told them that I really need a pause from everything and they took it WAY too personally, and blamed me that, they also have problems but they don t let their friends down, or that I m just being dramatic, which, to be honest, made my mental state worse and made me feel very guilty for being the way I am, and also also, I ve seen photos of them with, you know, best friends vibe, and that made me think that I m not her a part of the friendship anymore or smth, like I feel like they re doing this on purpose, just because I needed a pause and that I refused to talk to them(and others too) until I would feel better....one of them said that she doesn t want to leave me be alone, even tho that s what I need rn, because she s afraid that I might do smth "stupid", as she calls it, which is totally true, but the way she made me feel guilty doesn t really match with the definition of "caring for someone".They also use to call me a "coward" whenever I told them I want to do it, with the thought that that will stop me, totally wrong.
So I can t say that I haven t told anyone that I need help, I m just unable to get it even if I try to.
Sorry for the long paragraphs....I know you all have your own problems and this might boring, but it s the only option besides suicide hotline, which I m afraid to call and ask for help.

You sound very impulsive are you sure you want to be rushing like this with such a big decision?

I might be impulsive, but not in this case.I ve been fantasizing about suicide for almost 2 years, so I really, really had enough time to put my thoughts on it, I just didn t have the guts to do it.And at the moment when it started I also wasn t so desperate and depressed.But now, I m failing school, I m unable to get professional treatment, my friends are shitty because I need time alone, and I start to think that they are toxic, I have a dysfunctional family with a missing parent, the other "parts" of the family, either forgot about me, or they just don t give a shit, the memories about my past trauma don t leave me alone, I was also bullied 9 years, from kindergarten until I finished primary school, so now I have a really low self esteem, living with suicidal thoughts every day is just tiring, and so on, so on.I m not happy from any point of view so I feel like this is the only option that would make it all disappear.

Hello, welcome to the group. I'm sorry to hear life has brought you to such a painful point, and that you're struggling to find a method that works for you. Pills are not going to be a solution I'm sorry say, but how about stick around for a bit and get to know us? You have plenty of reading on different methods accessible here, and you can always reach out if you need a friend.

How I feel at the moment, I don t know if I m able to stay here for long.

 

[Panna]

How I feel at the moment, I don t know if I m able to stay here for long.

That's perfectly fine, you don't have to stop here for too long if you don't want to. Just know that there is plenty of people here like rosey who are more than willing to listen or to talk to you if you need it. This place is wonderful in that sense. Come in from the storm of life to take a breather and rest before moving onward towards recovery or death.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

So I can t say that I haven t told anyone that I need help, I m just unable to get it even if I try to.
Sorry for the long paragraphs....I know you all have your own problems and this might boring, but it s the only option besides suicide hotline, which I m afraid to call and ask for help.

There is absolutely no need to apologize for sharing your feelings here. This is what this space is here for. You can talk about everything, even your darkest thoughts, at whatever length you want, and we will listen while also providing you safety and anonimity. Sure, some people can't really support you because they have their own issues, but no one is forced to participate in your thread, so you are not bothering anyone.
I see that your situation is quite complicated. I don't think your friends were trying to hurt you on purpose, although I understand why it might feel like that. You are all still quite young, and they probably just don't know how to handle it when someone they care about is feeling suicidal.

If you don't mind my question, what would you hope to achieve by making a suicidal gesture (attempting suicide and then getting revived)?

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Welcome.

 

[Lilacmoon]

Welcome... I am glad and sorry both that you are here. I hope you find some solace. Hug?

 

[Ghost2211]

.
How I feel at the moment, I don t know if I m able to stay here for long.

I hope you find peace in whatever you choose to do. I hope you take the time to make a solid plan though.

 

[TheQ22]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I think the best thing you could do is try and step back from those thoughts and feelings and work out how you really feel and what you really want to do.

Like you say - act in haste, repent at leisure.

 

[Iseeblue_711]

There is absolutely no need to apologize for sharing your feelings here. This is what this space is here for. You can talk about everything, even your darkest thoughts, at whatever length you want, and we will listen while also providing you safety and anonimity. Sure, some people can't really support you because they have their own issues, but no one is forced to participate in your thread, so you are not bothering anyone.
I see that your situation is quite complicated. I don't think your friends were trying to hurt you on purpose, although I understand why it might feel like that. You are all still quite young, and they probably just don't know how to handle it when someone they care about is feeling suicidal.

If you don't mind my question, what would you hope to achieve by making a suicidal gesture (attempting suicide and then getting revived)?

This question made me really think about what would change in my life if I would do it an survive, and I realized that the answer is:nothing(for the better).Trying to kill myself but survive would actually be a waste of time and just something stupid altogether.When I said that I want, in a way, to survive, I thought that maybe, this way, I would get the help I need, that I wouldn t have to wait until the school opens to talk to their psychologist, so that that psychologist can recommend me a paid one(if I can afford it) and then get better.If I would do an attempt, at least, people around me would take me serious and give me help(one friend of mine said that i m not very good at being suicidal if I didn t do it in 2 years, which made me feel sick)

 

[GrumpyFrog]

When I said that I want, in a way, to survive, I thought that maybe, this way, I would get the help I need, that I wouldn t have to wait until the school opens to talk to their psychologist, so that that psychologist can recommend me a paid one(if I can afford it) and then get better.If I would do an attempt, at least, people around me would take me serious and give me help(one friend of mine said that i m not very good at being suicidal if I didn t do it in 2 years, which made me feel sick)

You want to a psychologist/therapist and get professional help, right? I don't know where you are from, but in most places you can talk to your doctor and be referred to therapy/counselling in the hospital, that would be either state-funded or covered by your insurance depending on how the healthcare system works in your country. If you tell a doctor you feel suicidal they will definitely take you seriously. However, if you tell them you're ready to act on those feelings, they might take you a little too serious and hospitalize you, I am not sure you'd want that, but that isn't necessary a bad thing as well, just be aware of it.

I'm afraid your friends might not be a source of support you'd like to receive even if you do scare them into taking you seriously. Not all people are mature enough to handle something as heavy, especially not many very young people, and from what you're saying it doesn't seem like you're friends are nearly mature enough. You might convince them you're serious about being suicidal, but it's unlikely they would be more helpful to you afterwards. I think a counsellor and even people on this site are a better option if you want someone to talk to about your problems.

 

[Mm80]

I told one of my "parents"(it s not a parent actually but I don t wanna get in details, I also have to mention that I m 18, but still in highschool, last year, so I don t live alone or smth) that my traumatic past experiences haunt me and that I want to go to a psychologist, I really wanted to give life another chance, so I went to the one in my highschool, but I realized that she doesn t have time for me, nor does she care really, and also the school isn t fully open so I can t go to her whenever I feel the impulse to kill myself, and right know I can t go to a paid psychiatrist either, so I feel kinda trapped, unable to do anything for the better or worse.Also, the only 2 close friends I have know about everything, but they can t help me with anything.For a week, I think, I ve been more down than usual, and a lot more angry, so I told them that I really need a pause from everything and they took it WAY too personally, and blamed me that, they also have problems but they don t let their friends down, or that I m just being dramatic, which, to be honest, made my mental state worse and made me feel very guilty for being the way I am, and also also, I ve seen photos of them with, you know, best friends vibe, and that made me think that I m not her a part of the friendship anymore or smth, like I feel like they re doing this on purpose, just because I needed a pause and that I refused to talk to them(and others too) until I would feel better....one of them said that she doesn t want to leave me be alone, even tho that s what I need rn, because she s afraid that I might do smth "stupid", as she calls it, which is totally true, but the way she made me feel guilty doesn t really match with the definition of "caring for someone".They also use to call me a "coward" whenever I told them I want to do it, with the thought that that will stop me, totally wrong.
So I can t say that I haven t told anyone that I need help, I m just unable to get it even if I try to.
Sorry for the long paragraphs....I know you all have your own problems and this might boring, but it s the only option besides suicide hotline, which I m afraid to call and ask for help.

I might be impulsive, but not in this case.I ve been fantasizing about suicide for almost 2 years, so I really, really had enough time to put my thoughts on it, I just didn t have the guts to do it.And at the moment when it started I also wasn t so desperate and depressed.But now, I m failing school, I m unable to get professional treatment, my friends are shitty because I need time alone, and I start to think that they are toxic, I have a dysfunctional family with a missing parent, the other "parts" of the family, either forgot about me, or they just don t give a shit, the memories about my past trauma don t leave me alone, I was also bullied 9 years, from kindergarten until I finished primary school, so now I have a really low self esteem, living with suicidal thoughts every day is just tiring, and so on, so on.I m not happy from any point of view so I feel like this is the only option that would make it all disappear.

How I feel at the moment, I don t know if I m able to stay here for long.

No worries you seem sure about what you want to do i just hope you don't rush a method and hurt yourself unneccasarily. I'm sorry your at this point.

 

[Iseeblue_711]

I

You want to a psychologist/therapist and get professional help, right? I don't know where you are from, but in most places you can talk to your doctor and be referred to therapy/counselling in the hospital, that would be either state-funded or covered by your insurance depending on how the healthcare system works in your country. If you tell a doctor you feel suicidal they will definitely take you seriously. However, if you tell them you're ready to act on those feelings, they might take you a little too serious and hospitalize you, I am not sure you'd want that, but that isn't necessary a bad thing as well, just be aware of it.

I'm afraid your friends might not be a source of support you'd like to receive even if you do scare them into taking you seriously. Not all people are mature enough to handle something as heavy, especially not many very young people, and from what you're saying it doesn't seem like you're friends are nearly mature enough. You might convince them you're serious about being suicidal, but it's unlikely they would be more helpful to you afterwards. I think a counsellor and even people on this site are a better option if you want someone to talk to about your problems.

I kinda have a difficult situation, you see, I have 18 but I m still in highschool, which means I still live with my "parents", so I had to talk about this with them first, and one of them told me that she s gonna pay me a psychologist, but first I have to talk to the one at school so she can give me an advice on what psychologist I should go to.So we agreed on that, and I surely know that she s not gonna change her mind and that she ll probably shout out at me for insisting to go to the doctor(who is just a normal one, not a psychologist)and ask for advice(she s kinda hot headed).And...another thing that blocks my way for receiving treatment directly is the fact that she doesn t know that I m suicidal, like I told her that I don t feel good because of things that happened in my childhood, and that I also have anxiety, and she just told me that anxiety doesn t exist, that I just need to be more open and that I need to forget what happened, which, if I were able to, I wouldn t be here right now.But after all, we agreed on special treatment. So I can t go to her and just implore treatment because I can t tell her the real motive(she wouldn t understand and she would call me crazy, and it s enough that s she watching my every move).Also, on the first days when I went to the counselor, she got mad at me for not texting her that I m coming home and she took a file that I needed to give the next day to the counselor, and hid it until I gave up and told her I m sorry, just so I can get it back(and after I cried my eyes out because I needed help and I couldn t get it)
So I don t really trust her on this thing anymore, but I still need her help(but that doesn t mean I m gonna tell her more than she needs to know, the only people that know are my two close friends and another one that found out recently, but I trust nobody else on this, because I just don t open up to people about....really anything)
And ....the friend that I mentioned, that said that I m not good at being suicidal, is 22.....so, you would expect someone, at that age, to be mature enough to understand, but no...
26

I

I kinda have a difficult situation, you see, I have 18 but I m still in highschool, which means I still live with my "parents", so I had to talk about this with them first, and one of them told me that she s gonna pay me a psychologist, but first I have to talk to the one at school so she can give me an advice on what psychologist I should go to.So we agreed on that, and I surely know that she s not gonna change her mind and that she ll probably shout out at me for insisting to go to the doctor(who is just a normal one, not a psychologist)and ask for advice(she s kinda hot headed).And...another thing that blocks my way for receiving treatment directly is the fact that she doesn t know that I m suicidal, like I told her that I don t feel good because of things that happened in my childhood, and that I also have anxiety, and she just told me that anxiety doesn t exist, that I just need to be more open and that I need to forget what happened, which, if I were able to, I wouldn t be here right now.But after all, we agreed on special treatment. So I can t go to her and just implore treatment because I can t tell her the real motive(she wouldn t understand and she would call me crazy, and it s enough that s she watching my every move).Also, on the first days when I went to the counselor, she got mad at me for not texting her that I m coming home and she took a file that I needed to give the next day to the counselor, and hid it until I gave up and told her I m sorry, just so I can get it back(and after I cried my eyes out because I needed help and I couldn t get it)
So I don t really trust her on this thing anymore, but I still need her help(but that doesn t mean I m gonna tell her more than she needs to know, the only people that know are my two close friends and another one that found out recently, but I trust nobody else on this, because I just don t open up to people about....really anything)
And ....the friend that I mentioned, that said that I m not good at being suicidal, is 22.....so, you would expect someone, at that age, to be mature enough to understand, but no...

26 yo*
I got distracted and wrote 22