Hi all!
First off, I want to thank everyone here for your unlimited kindness and support. Thank you to all the staff and mods for keeping this place running. I know I would have chosen a not so good method without this site, so thanks for all the resources and support. I wish I knew how to use PayPal or Bitcoin because I actually have a good chunk of money and wish I could donate to SS before I go.
Anyway, I'm hoping to leave possibly tonight or early morning if I don't wimp out. I'd like to have my last bowl of tilimuk mud slide ice cream first. It's vanilla ice cream with peanut butter swirls and chunks. Very, very good, ten/ ten would recommend.
My method, unfortunately, is SN. I tried ordering from A, but I never heard from him after I sent him money through WU, and my patience is rapidly waning, and my despair is rapidly growing so... Not a good combination.
I won't be following Stan's guide. I have no meto, no ant acids, and no beta blockers. I do have ondansitron and another anti emetic that I don't know what it's called b/c I'm blind and can't read the bottle, so will combine them, though I don't know how much of each I should take.
I'm also taking Ibuphrophen as a painkiller. Two pills equals 400 milligrams, I think. Really wish I could read the bottles of what I got, hahaha, but I'll just take two and hope for the best.
Then, as far as SN goes, I don't have a tablespoon or a scale, but I have a spoon that is more closed in rather than open and it feels like maybe it's about the size as a tablespoon, so I'll use that. I'm only about a hundred pounds, so I probably don't need 25 grams of SN anyway. I know I'll sound stupid, but I don't know how much a tablespoon is b/c my mom never took the time to show me how to cook and measure stuff, so... bla.
I'm going to use cold washcloths over my head to cool off, and I plan to send future delivery voice mails to my family. If you have verizon, you can send future delivery voice mails to people who are on Verizon. I don't really know how far out to leave the message, though.
I was thinking two days, but is that too long? Should I send the message 24 hours in advance, rather than 48?
In the message, I'm going to tell them to call for a herse and not to come to my house. Someone trained should find me, not a family member or friends.
I hope to have a celebratory funeral. I understand people will be sad, but I hope it will be more a celebration of life rather than one big depression fest. I hope and wish for my friends/fam to remember me as the happy go lucky person I used to be and sometimes still am when I'm manic.
Like I said, I don't know if I'll chicken out or not, but I'll self-ban if it gets serious. Is that all I have to do, self ban and you will all be protected?? Or do I have to do something else besides self ban?
I'm not really sure how to confirm my death once I'm gone. I do know a member who might be willing to confirm. They know my name and where I live, so maybe they will come back and confirm if an obituary comes out. Also, it might make the news b/c my mom volunteers for Nami and I am blind, so those are the only clues I feel comfortable leaving.
Oh, and I'm in the US.
Sorry, that's all you get, hahaha!
Anyway, thanks again for everything. You all mean so much to me, and I love you all. I know I never posted much, but I do care about this community with my whole heart and soul. And, I'll come back and haunt whoever tries to shut it down if I'm successful for sure!
Love,
Cupcake
First off, I want to thank everyone here for your unlimited kindness and support. Thank you to all the staff and mods for keeping this place running. I know I would have chosen a not so good method without this site, so thanks for all the resources and support. I wish I knew how to use PayPal or Bitcoin because I actually have a good chunk of money and wish I could donate to SS before I go.
Anyway, I'm hoping to leave possibly tonight or early morning if I don't wimp out. I'd like to have my last bowl of tilimuk mud slide ice cream first. It's vanilla ice cream with peanut butter swirls and chunks. Very, very good, ten/ ten would recommend.
My method, unfortunately, is SN. I tried ordering from A, but I never heard from him after I sent him money through WU, and my patience is rapidly waning, and my despair is rapidly growing so... Not a good combination.
I won't be following Stan's guide. I have no meto, no ant acids, and no beta blockers. I do have ondansitron and another anti emetic that I don't know what it's called b/c I'm blind and can't read the bottle, so will combine them, though I don't know how much of each I should take.
I'm also taking Ibuphrophen as a painkiller. Two pills equals 400 milligrams, I think. Really wish I could read the bottles of what I got, hahaha, but I'll just take two and hope for the best.
Then, as far as SN goes, I don't have a tablespoon or a scale, but I have a spoon that is more closed in rather than open and it feels like maybe it's about the size as a tablespoon, so I'll use that. I'm only about a hundred pounds, so I probably don't need 25 grams of SN anyway. I know I'll sound stupid, but I don't know how much a tablespoon is b/c my mom never took the time to show me how to cook and measure stuff, so... bla.
I'm going to use cold washcloths over my head to cool off, and I plan to send future delivery voice mails to my family. If you have verizon, you can send future delivery voice mails to people who are on Verizon. I don't really know how far out to leave the message, though.
I was thinking two days, but is that too long? Should I send the message 24 hours in advance, rather than 48?
In the message, I'm going to tell them to call for a herse and not to come to my house. Someone trained should find me, not a family member or friends.
I hope to have a celebratory funeral. I understand people will be sad, but I hope it will be more a celebration of life rather than one big depression fest. I hope and wish for my friends/fam to remember me as the happy go lucky person I used to be and sometimes still am when I'm manic.
Like I said, I don't know if I'll chicken out or not, but I'll self-ban if it gets serious. Is that all I have to do, self ban and you will all be protected?? Or do I have to do something else besides self ban?
I'm not really sure how to confirm my death once I'm gone. I do know a member who might be willing to confirm. They know my name and where I live, so maybe they will come back and confirm if an obituary comes out. Also, it might make the news b/c my mom volunteers for Nami and I am blind, so those are the only clues I feel comfortable leaving.
Oh, and I'm in the US.
Sorry, that's all you get, hahaha!
Anyway, thanks again for everything. You all mean so much to me, and I love you all. I know I never posted much, but I do care about this community with my whole heart and soul. And, I'll come back and haunt whoever tries to shut it down if I'm successful for sure!
Love,
Cupcake
