Venting I love to see myself getting hurt

[hot]

It feels so fucking good when i do sh and fucking cut my fucking ugly and pathetic body. I dont even think that i deserve any recovery or fucking good treatment. I dont fucking deserve it. The only dopamine i get in my fucking day is when i cut my fucking legs again. It feels so fucking good when i see the blood dripping down on my fucking pathetic disgusting body. I want to hurt myself so bad and i enjoy it so fucking much when iam doing it. I cant fucking take this shit anymore. I always ask myself why tf iam like this. Why tf cant i be normal. Why tf i cant be a fucking good son to my mom and dad. They did fucking everything for me and iam a fucking pathetic 18 yr old teenager who cant get anything done. I didnt go to fucking school for 2 days and i missed so much important stuff. I fucking hate everything. I rly hope that better days will come. I rly hope that one day i can smile again and finally be happy.