i love my besties i miss them

[coolgal82]

idk i am intoxicated so instead of dming them and being annoying and then getting mad when their responses arent long enough or whatever (real thing that happened) i will rant here
they are just so awesome i love them i wish i dcould talk to them 24/7 i had a breakdown earlier just cus my bestie mentioned dmin somneone and i was like "hmm why doesnt she dm me she must hate me im so awful im the worst i should dm them more but i cant talk to anyone im useless im a terrible friend" its not fun but idk. i love them sm. theyre awesome. my life revolves around them theyre the most important thing in my life if they left me idbe able to ctb. for now though im stuck in this limbo of being happy when theyre here but the pain when theyre goneand it sucks and its good idk the highs are high but the lows are low

i just wish i could talk to them 24/7 and i hate that i cant its all i want in life i;ve considred/fantasised about putting spyware on their devices to be with them forever but idk how to lmao (honestly if it wasnt so annoying it';d be funny how quick i can go from this to "i hope they fall into a pit of boiling hot acid pit full of razorblades" over the small things idk i am a bad person im a bad friend i wish i could be a good friend
i wanna meet them irl one day but idk if thats gonna happen
but also if they meet irl without me it'd be another hellish time without them and im not doing that agin

idk i love them theyre so awesome and amazing and klgjdfl i literally dont have a job cus having one means i'd have to spend less time with them i love them sm sm sm sm theyre awesome

 

[Dingo67]

You sound like a really loving person. I'd love to have a friend like you. You mentioned lots of highs and lows. Might be worth trying therapy to so if you can get any help with that if it's a bpd issue or something like that.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I'm sorry if this comes across as mean, but I'm not always the best at wording things.

You seem to have very severe abandonment issues, you attach yourself to people and obsess over them. Being around someone 24/7 is not healthy (neither is anything you mentioned). It sounds like you don't feel able to be alone, so you hold onto others, possibly because you need contant validation and reassurance - and it sounds like you need this about yourself.

Needing constant reassurance and validation will never make you feel more reassured or validated, neither can friends do that, only you can do that for yourself. It takes time, but it *can* be done

I honestly think you need to seek some professional help with this, because it is likely to end very badly. No one wants their friends to project their issues onto them, they will run a mile, and you will end up not liking yourself even further - you can get help with this.

It seems you get really overwhelmed easily, which comes with trauma. Totally normal, but these behaviours you've described can be overcome, it takes a lot of time and effort though. Surrounding yourself with others 24/7 will never fix that. Like I said, only you can fix yourself, with help from a therapist that specialises in trauma, it is incredibly difficult, but just know you can.

You're not a bad person, just obviously incredibly traumatised, and that doesn't make you a bad person, as long as you don't act on it, then we are talking about something completely different here. You deserve to get the help you desperately need

I'm sorry, but I had to say it

I hope things ease somewhat for you

 

[coolgal82]

You sound like a really loving person. I'd love to have a friend like you. You mentioned lots of highs and lows. Might be worth trying therapy to so if you can get any help with that if it's a bpd issue or something like that.

idk what it is lmao and like no you wouldnt. i love them but i keep it all inside most of the time so they probably just hate me and think i dont like them/care about them. and thats just with them. with other people im a terrible friend in other ways like this is mainly adhd but i just have a habit of forgetting to reply, and i never initiate conversations so if someone doesnt like talk to me alot i just forget they exist, and even inside convos i just suck at talking to people

I'm sorry if this comes across as mean, but I'm not always the best at wording things.

You seem to have very severe abandonment issues, you attach yourself to people and obsess over them. Being around someone 24/7 is not healthy (neither is anything you mentioned). It sounds like you don't feel able to be alone, so you hold onto others, possibly because you need contant validation and reassurance - and it sounds like you need this about yourself.

Needing constant reassurance and validation will never make you feel more reassured or validated, neither can friends do that, only you can do that for yourself. It takes time, but it *can* be done

I honestly think you need to seek some professional help with this, because it is likely to end very badly. No one wants their friends to project their issues onto them, they will run a mile, and you will end up not liking yourself even further - you can get help with this.

It seems you get really overwhelmed easily, which comes with trauma. Totally normal, but these behaviours you've described can be overcome, it takes a lot of time and effort though. Surrounding yourself with others 24/7 will never fix that. Like I said, only you can fix yourself, with help from a therapist that specialises in trauma, it is incredibly difficult, but just know you can.

You're not a bad person, just obviously incredibly traumatised, and that doesn't make you a bad person, as long as you don't act on it, then we are talking about something completely different here. You deserve to get the help you desperately need

I'm sorry, but I had to say it

I hope things ease somewhat for you

also like idk how would i be traumatised nothing really bad has happened to me like my parents are awesome i love them i've never been like assaulted or abused in any form never like struggled with money or anything like that and i was completely fine up until i hit 16 or so and its just been downhill since

also like yeah i know constant reassurance/validation dont work i tried like asking for it and it just did nothing for me and i decided i was risking annoying them and making them hate me by doing it too much so i only really end up doing it a little bit when it manages to like escape yknow

idk theres maybe more i could/wanted to say but it isnt coming to mind right now

 

[coolgal82]

idk what it is lmao and like no you wouldnt. i love them but i keep it all inside most of the time so they probably just hate me and think i dont like them/care about them. and thats just with them. with other people im a terrible friend in other ways like this is mainly adhd but i just have a habit of forgetting to reply, and i never initiate conversations so if someone doesnt like talk to me alot i just forget they exist, and even inside convos i just suck at talking to people

also like idk how would i be traumatised nothing really bad has happened to me like my parents are awesome i love them i've never been like assaulted or abused in any form never like struggled with money or anything like that and i was completely fine up until i hit 16 or so and its just been downhill since

also like yeah i know constant reassurance/validation dont work i tried like asking for it and it just did nothing for me and i decided i was risking annoying them and making them hate me by doing it too much so i only really end up doing it a little bit when it manages to like escape yknow

idk theres maybe more i could/wanted to say but it isnt coming to mind right now

ok yeah now i think about it i was gonna say like just idk i've had a few people say this now and i know it wasnt intended to be invalidating or whatever but it feels like its saying "these issues are definitely/always caused by trauma" when i dont have any is like just confirming my pre existing beliefs that none of my problems are real idk. honestly though my brain does that alot so this isnt a special case and ik you didnt mean it like that probably but it's how my brain chose to interpret it so just idk

 

[coolgal82]

honestly all i want is some answer for why im like this that i can look at and go "hmm yeah thats me" rather than just "no thats not me" or "uhhh who tf am i" or flip flopping between "hmm yeah maybe thats it" and "no i dont think thats it"

 

[coolgal82]

on substances again and kinda feeling this again rn my besties are just so awesome i lover them smh best people in the world i dont want to ever lose them