![deranged](/data/avatars/l/66/66620.jpg?1686537954)
deranged
hi
- Jun 11, 2023
- 18
I love life and i love the concept of living, the human body, nature, experiences, finding yourself and exploring life, just not my own. I wish so badly to appreciate my life and get up and find joy in it but it seems so unreal and impossible, i hate everything about myself deep down to my core and i hate my life and hate living it.
I wish i was religious and believed in an afterlife or a second chance but i dont and i will die knowing i wasted my only life.
im so jealous of careless people who are able to just sit back and take it all in effortlessly. i dont think i will ever find true happiness or ever be at peace if i choose to live and it hurts so much to think about.
i have been trying really hard to improve my life for the past 2 years but it always backfires and i dont know how long i can stay motivated for because i feel like it has gotten me absolutely nowhere and as im slowly putting myself more out there im realizing how much i hate it and how tired and devastated i feel.
I wish i was religious and believed in an afterlife or a second chance but i dont and i will die knowing i wasted my only life.
im so jealous of careless people who are able to just sit back and take it all in effortlessly. i dont think i will ever find true happiness or ever be at peace if i choose to live and it hurts so much to think about.
i have been trying really hard to improve my life for the past 2 years but it always backfires and i dont know how long i can stay motivated for because i feel like it has gotten me absolutely nowhere and as im slowly putting myself more out there im realizing how much i hate it and how tired and devastated i feel.