A month ago, I was the happiest person on this planet. I had a loving, beautiful, marvelous and devoted girlfriend, who provided for me economically and emotionally, and a wonderful, loyal and funny brother, who acted as my best friend.
They both let me administrate their money as if it was mine, because I helped them in a stage of their life where they didn't know what to do; once I had multiple nervous breakdown because of my job, they became supportive and we exchanged roles. They started to provide for me: and I felt absurdly loved and cared for. Everyday I woke up happily, ready to play games, clean the house, or handle the economical aspects of our everyday life.
It was perfect.
Until, it all fell apart.
My girlfriend left me all of a sudden, because "I was too much of a burden for her." I begged her, told her I'd do anything, but nothing worked.
My brother betrayed me soon after for a similar reason, stating that "he was sure I could get up on my own legs".
This was after years, 5 years spent telling me "don't worry, we know about your condition, you're mentally broke and depressed, and we'll gladly protect you as you did with us before."
Now, a month later, I'm completely alone.
I relied upon them for everything, from the social position, to the unconditional love, to the circle of friends.
I lost everything. And I don't have the will to build it back up from scratch.
For what purpose, anyway?
To live a life alone, in poverty, under the meds provided by a psychiatrist?
I could never trust someone again, I could never love again. I could never be that happy again, or accept any kind of inferior happiness, so to speak.
I know, it's a strange story, with an awful ending. But I'm tired. I'm at my parents place right now, and I already got my SN.
Now the only thing that I'm wondering is, should I try? Should I try to endure this abysmal loneliness, something that I never had the chance to experience because of the life-long relationship I had with my brother. I never had to face it, and now it's unsustainable.
I feel weak. Abandoned, betrayed, cast aside like a piece of trash.
I would never have done this to them, if they were in my position. I'd care for them, like I did in the past, even if they were a "burden".
The only reason I could try and live on, is for the next exciting videogames, but how long until that loses its appeal?
I've got no one to share that with, anymore.
And most of all, with what kind of money?
I have an interview scheduled for tomorrow, but I fear that if it doesn't go well, I may even start to plan my ctb.
I don't find any reason to live here any longer, and they simply won't care about it.
My girlfriend is a totally different person, like if she never existed. My brother? Same thing, he basically ignores me.
I feel like if someone threw me into a nightmare just for the sake of it.
I want out. I want to go to the next world.
To my world. Because I, for sure, don't belong here.
They both let me administrate their money as if it was mine, because I helped them in a stage of their life where they didn't know what to do; once I had multiple nervous breakdown because of my job, they became supportive and we exchanged roles. They started to provide for me: and I felt absurdly loved and cared for. Everyday I woke up happily, ready to play games, clean the house, or handle the economical aspects of our everyday life.
It was perfect.
Until, it all fell apart.
My girlfriend left me all of a sudden, because "I was too much of a burden for her." I begged her, told her I'd do anything, but nothing worked.
My brother betrayed me soon after for a similar reason, stating that "he was sure I could get up on my own legs".
This was after years, 5 years spent telling me "don't worry, we know about your condition, you're mentally broke and depressed, and we'll gladly protect you as you did with us before."
Now, a month later, I'm completely alone.
I relied upon them for everything, from the social position, to the unconditional love, to the circle of friends.
I lost everything. And I don't have the will to build it back up from scratch.
For what purpose, anyway?
To live a life alone, in poverty, under the meds provided by a psychiatrist?
I could never trust someone again, I could never love again. I could never be that happy again, or accept any kind of inferior happiness, so to speak.
I know, it's a strange story, with an awful ending. But I'm tired. I'm at my parents place right now, and I already got my SN.
Now the only thing that I'm wondering is, should I try? Should I try to endure this abysmal loneliness, something that I never had the chance to experience because of the life-long relationship I had with my brother. I never had to face it, and now it's unsustainable.
I feel weak. Abandoned, betrayed, cast aside like a piece of trash.
I would never have done this to them, if they were in my position. I'd care for them, like I did in the past, even if they were a "burden".
The only reason I could try and live on, is for the next exciting videogames, but how long until that loses its appeal?
I've got no one to share that with, anymore.
And most of all, with what kind of money?
I have an interview scheduled for tomorrow, but I fear that if it doesn't go well, I may even start to plan my ctb.
I don't find any reason to live here any longer, and they simply won't care about it.
My girlfriend is a totally different person, like if she never existed. My brother? Same thing, he basically ignores me.
I feel like if someone threw me into a nightmare just for the sake of it.
I want out. I want to go to the next world.
To my world. Because I, for sure, don't belong here.
