Venting i literally have to die

[bunn]

idk what i'll say here i wont read it after typing all that



im such a bad person im bad at empathy i hate everyone i cant help but see everyone as the bad ones but me
i lie i try making myself look innocent
i dont know what i think what my opinions are i dont know what i like or dislike i dont know.
i just hate and love everything
my boyfriend too
i hate him and i hate whatever he likes i hate whatever hes excited for it makes me want to vomit but i love him so much i would never leave
and he wouldnt let me tho

i dont know what he thinks about me
i think he loves hurting me
but i might be just seeing him as the villian again to make myself innocent

why the hell am i even like this
im trying to be normal

it feels like im going insane whenever a small thing happens
i dont know whats happening but i want peace
i want peace more than anything
i dont want my mind to speak anymore
i want it empty
i wanna be dead, it would be so nice

i really dont have to live
no one needs me, and i dont want anyone to need me actually i am bad i make people feel bad and worthless


my parents are disappointed
i was always a nice kid
now its like they dont recognize me


i used to go to a psychiatrist now i dont and im not taking my pills
i miss my pills
i wish i felt nothing and thought nothing

i think my feelings are whats ruining me
but i dont even know what im feeling its so funny


nvm so im gonna commit probably like so soon idk
how should i try it?