Venting I let myself get attached.

[mono]

I let myself get attached to someone and now they've left me so fucking hurt.
I knew this would happen, it always does. I ALWAYS end up pushing people away even if it's someone I desperately don't want to lose. I'm meant to be alone and it hurts so much sometimes. I just wish I could let myself love someone, I wish I didn't constantly push people away, and I wish I didnt get so obsessive over people I actually let myself get attached to either.

It's funny, everyone I want to love never chooses me in the end, and anyone who actually wants to love me will never be able to get close enough for me to love them back. I don't allow anybody to get close to me because I'm afraid, and I know thats the reason I'm so alone, but it's hard to let people in when all it's ever done is backfire on me.

I'm so scared of love yet I crave it so badly. I want to feel a connection with someone, I want to be able to love but everytime I form a new connection with somebody it just feels so unnatural and I get uneasy, I sabotage every potential friendship and/or relationship I have and I don't understand why. I don't know why I do this to myself.
I guess I've just gotten so used to the loneliness that having a connection with anyone just doesn't feel right to me.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I feel better of alone. People are not worth the trouble these days anymore.

 

[toskita]

I let myself get attached to someone and now they've left me so fucking hurt.
I knew this would happen, it always does. I ALWAYS end up pushing people away even if it's someone I desperately don't want to lose. I'm meant to be alone and it hurts so much sometimes. I just wish I could let myself love someone, I wish I didn't constantly push people away, and I wish I didnt get so obsessive over people I actually let myself get attached to either.

It's funny, everyone I want to love never chooses me in the end, and anyone who actually wants to love me will never be able to get close enough for me to love them back. I don't allow anybody to get close to me because I'm afraid, and I know thats the reason I'm so alone, but it's hard to let people in when all it's ever done is backfire on me.

I'm so scared of love yet I crave it so badly. I want to feel a connection with someone, I want to be able to love but everytime I form a new connection with somebody it just feels so unnatural and I get uneasy, I sabotage every potential friendship and/or relationship I have and I don't understand why. I don't know why I do this to myself.
I guess I've just gotten so used to the loneliness that having a connection with anyone just doesn't feel right to me.

I kinda relate to that and well, as ironic, cliché and hypocrite it sounds to say this in a ctb forum, if you crave to love someone then start by yourself, not the weird concept of loving yourself but the one of acceptance and introspection. Idk if you really wanted/needed advice on this or just venting, but anyways, good luck with your interpersonal relationships

 

[Slow_Farewell]

What happened to me was the desire to be loved by people lessened a bit to something more bearable and, i think for the most part ignorable.
Unless that person really strikes a cord with me, or triggers my interest/attraction, but even then it's mostly bearable.
Granted, it took me a while to get this numb.

 

[mono]

I feel better of alone. People are not worth the trouble these days anymore.

That's fair tbh, I like being alone but it's just so frustrating sometimes

I kinda relate to that and well, as ironic, cliché and hypocrite it sounds to say this in a ctb forum, if you crave to love someone then start by yourself, not the weird concept of loving yourself but the one of acceptance and introspection. Idk if you really wanted/needed advice on this or just venting, but anyways, good luck with your interpersonal relationships

Lol it's fine! I know I need to love myself before I can love anybody else but that's what's so frustrating, I just really fucking hate myself and it's genuinely hard to find anything to love about me, imo. But thanks anyways lmao

 

[toskita]

That's fair tbh, I like being alone but it's just so frustrating sometimes

Lol it's fine! I know I need to love myself before I can love anybody else but that's what's so frustrating, I just really fucking hate myself and it's genuinely hard to find anything to love about me, imo. But thanks anyways lmao

Sorry I was just tryna be cautious since I've seen people getting pissed over getting uncalled advise
Anyways, enemies to lovers exist, maybe you'll find something likeable about yourself one day