I legitimately forget that I have actual, diagnosed mental illnesses

[BitterlyAlive]

I was in bed earlier and I was like "God, I've always got this sick feeling of dread and just general fear. I feel foggy and sick and just all around dreadful." Then I remembered: I have generalized anxiety and when I'm not worrying incessantly, I just have that baseline shitty feeling. And I have dysthymia and major depression so I always feel like shit regardless. It's hard to really do anything at all. I'm completely trapped by these emotions and my brain just being foggy and scrambled. And then when it really flares up I freak out and make ridiculous posts like the other day

But I forget that it's literally the mental illnesses, and that many professionals agree that I legitimately have these issues that disrupt my daily life and functioning. And by definition, cause significant distress.

I'm a total clown, lol

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I relate to this all to well. I wonder why I feel bad all the time but it's all my issues compounding and I feel stuck in a brain prison. I feel trapped by my emotions too. Your not alone in feeling this.

Also I don't think you make ridiculous posts. You write really good and I relate to a lot of what you say. Also your always thoughtful and compassionate when replying to others.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I relate to this all to well. I wonder why I feel bad all the time but it's all my issues compounding and I feel stuck in a brain prison. I feel trapped by my emotions too. Your not alone in feeling this.

Also I don't think you make ridiculous posts. You write really good and I relate to a lot of what you say. Also your always thoughtful and compassionate when replying to others.

My new therapist literally told me based on my history I have clinical anxiety and depression, and that given the lifelong trauma and shit it was really inevitable, and I'm still like "No, I'm a liar. I manipulated her and don't really have these issues, I'm just ridiculous and bring all of this on myself."

And thank you.

 

[Mr2005]

I don't put much faith in what they say.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I don't put much faith in what they say.

The professionals? That's fair, really. Diagnoses are their labels and interpretation. And sometimes they're really far off the mark.

 

[tsuina]

The professionals? That's fair, really. Diagnoses are their labels and interpretation. And sometimes they're really far off the mark.

don't know what's worse: being diagnosed entirely incorrectly or being refused a diagnosis for years and years and left without answers.
i don't trust professionals for this reason, but at the same time i think a diagnosis can give some clarity. at the end of the day though i think we should seek our own answers out rather than trusting a psychiatrist who is just trying to prescribe addictive pills, or a psychologist who is just reading a textbook word for word. (not all mental health professionals are like this, i'm sure, but.. seems like so many of them are)

 

[BitterlyAlive]

don't know what's worse: being diagnosed entirely incorrectly or being refused a diagnosis for years and years and left without answers.
i don't trust professionals for this reason, but at the same time i think a diagnosis can give some clarity. at the end of the day though i think we should seek our own answers out rather than trusting a psychiatrist who is just trying to prescribe addictive pills, or a psychologist who is just reading a textbook word for word. (not all mental health professionals are like this, i'm sure, but.. seems like so many of them are)

One of the best mental health professionals I know said that the DSM really isn't meant to be a checklist, that true diagnosis is more intensive than simply reading through a list of symptoms. He also believes that medication isn't required for every case, and that it's simply a tool to help you get better. He actually cares about his patients too. I respect people like that. Too bad so many professionals are as you described.

 

[Mr2005]

don't know what's worse: being diagnosed entirely incorrectly or being refused a diagnosis for years and years and left without answers.
i don't trust professionals for this reason, but at the same time i think a diagnosis can give some clarity. at the end of the day though i think we should seek our own answers out rather than trusting a psychiatrist who is just trying to prescribe addictive pills, or a psychologist who is just reading a textbook word for word. (not all mental health professionals are like this, i'm sure, but.. seems like so many of them are)

Yes indeed. Sadly it's too late in the day. I find my whole time spent with them to be extremely traumatizing.

 

[Lmd]

As far as I know professionals usually don't have a diagnose in the first session and they try to avoid what's going on until is necessary so people aren't conditioned. Weird and interesting to know how things works in different places

 

[BitterlyAlive]

As far as I know professionals usually don't have a diagnose in the first session and they try to avoid what's going on until is necessary so people aren't conditioned. Weird and interesting to know how things works in different places

Well, I've been diagnosed for years. I was just going over my history so she knew what my initial complaints are.

 

[WinterFaust]

This is so incredibly relatable. It's kind of like for a rare, brief moment, there's this lightbulb that goes off and for a second I realize it is actually not "normal" to behave this way. That no one would actually willingly put themselves through this, struggle with basic functioning, watch their finances and everything they worked for go down the drain. I mean, I have journal entries for years documenting that I'm literally always depressed and struggling even at my "best." A video clip from a few years ago when I had my worst episode to date before this year, the disturbing state my room was in. Or the fact that I have inherited bipolar disorder from a parent. And fun trauma.

After a few minutes though, I go back to this:

"No, I'm a liar. I manipulated her and don't really have these issues, I'm just ridiculous and bring all of this on myself."

Maybe years of being abused and blamed for simply existing has something to do with it. Hmm. Nah, other people have trauma and bipolar and function. It's just me being ridiculous and making a fool of myself.

 

[Lmd]

Well, I've been diagnosed for years. I was just going over my history so she knew what my initial complaints are.

All of the psychiatrists and psychologists I saw agrees that medication has to be avoid if it's not totally necessary and they has to be a compliment with psychologists sessions to have a recovery. I guess it depends of the healthcare system someone have? (saying it for the post you put eariler)

 

[LonelyNick]

I got diagnosed with ADHD & BPD at 27. My whole life is fucked because my undiagnosed mental illness fucked me up

 

[BitterlyAlive]

struggle with basic functioning, watch their finances and everything they worked for go down the drain. I mean, I have journal entries for years documenting that I'm literally always depressed and struggling even at my "best."

Omg twinsies! Seriously though, I can relate. I don't have journal entries but I have texts and messages to people online. I'm going to be losing a lot of my savings (maybe about half) in the next two months that I spent years building up. I'm about to say "fuck if I have enough to cover my memorial as intended, I'm just gonna kill myself anyway." Ugh. I can't get a better paying job because even if I could apply for jobs and fix my resume (just don't have the energy or care enough), how the hell am I supposed to convince someone to hire me? Especially in this state I've been in? It's like the work I've apparently put in my whole life has just led to nothing. And I always knew deep down it would be this way anyway.

Fuck depression.

All of the psychiatrists and psychologists I saw agrees that medication has to be avoid if it's not totally necessary and they has to be a compliment with psychologists sessions to have a recovery. I guess it depends of the healthcare system someone have? (saying it for the post you put eariler)

I'm sorry, I either can't seem to comprehend things today or I'm just coming across as an ass (referring to other posts I've made today). I honestly think it's just the luck of the draw.

I got diagnosed with ADHD & BPD at 27. My whole life is fucked because my undiagnosed mental illness fucked me up

That's a dreadful combo and I'm sorry it took so long to get proper help. The effects of untreated mental illness are just devastating.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I don't put much faith in what they say.

I agree. I definitely 100% think that mental illnesses exist but the pharma industry has an incentive to get as many diagnosed and drugged as possible so of course they'll market as aggressively as possible.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I agree. I definitely 100% think that mental illnesses exist but the pharma industry has an incentive to get as many diagnosed and drugged as possible so of course they'll market as aggressively as possible.

The first psychiatrist I ever saw prescribed me Ambien for relatively minor/normal sleeping issues. It's so messed up how eager some professionals are to prescribe shit - and some people think that because they're told to take it, then it must be what's best for them.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

The first psychiatrist I ever saw prescribed me Ambien for relatively minor/normal sleeping issues. It's so messed up how eager some professionals are to prescribe shit - and some people think that because they're told to take it, then it must be what's best for them.

Psychiatry is messed up. They throw meds like candy and are never upfront about side effects. Especially antidepressants. I have always been skeptical of psychiatrists. I had the exact opposite with the Ambien I was begging for help with severe insomnia and yet they pushed crap meds on me (that had insomnia listed as a side effect) until they finally gave it...and it's a rather disappointing med but nothing helps my insomnia really.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Psychiatry is messed up. They throw meds like candy and are never upfront about side effects. Especially antidepressants. I have always been skeptical of psychiatrists. I had the exact opposite with the Ambien I was begging for help with severe insomnia and yet they pushed crap meds on me (that had insomnia listed as a side effect) until they finally gave it...and it's a rather disappointing med but nothing helps my insomnia really.

Ambien also seems rather dangerous for some people. They do the craziest stuff while they're asleep. Considering you have such bad insomnia, you really should have gotten more help. Insomnia definitely worsens any mental health issues that someone has... Shame on them.

 

[Amumu]

Psychiatry is messed up. They throw meds like candy and are never upfront about side effects. Especially antidepressants. I have always been skeptical of psychiatrists. I had the exact opposite with the Ambien I was begging for help with severe insomnia and yet they pushed crap meds on me (that had insomnia listed as a side effect) until they finally gave it...and it's a rather disappointing med but nothing helps my insomnia really.

Some antidepressants help for insomnia (especially tricyclic or mirtazapine), others don't.
Ambien should be used only once or twice a week otherwise leaving it is a nightmare.