I know I’m not supposed to say this but fighting to stay alive while dealing with chronic debilitating illnesses is just not worth it

[Buffy5120]

Its not worth it at all and I honestly dont see an issue with ctb at all if you live day to day suffering with incurable illnesses. It literally makes no sense to stay alive unless that illness can be reversed or half way fixed, or if your just geniuenly okay to live like that theres no issue to keep going but for people with illnesses that have no cure and there's no research in the coming years for it to be fixed, I just dont see a point in living. It's literally just pointless and even idiotic to keep going like this. I am an idiot for sure for not ctb yet and unfortunately have gotten so much worse since 2018.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this hell. Life is so unfair!

Wish you lots of love and peace.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Wow, I can relate to this so much. I know exactly how you feel when you describe this listless sort of endurance as idiotic. People always tell me to keep going in spite of there being no further treatments I could try for my problems, and I find that incredibly ignorant.

I do feel idiotic for continuing on when I just keep accumulating more and more illnesses over the years. Perhaps I could have dealt with this miserable life if I'd only had autism and ptsd.. but having chronic pain, CFS, IBS and other annoying conditions like TMJ and tinnitus on top of that makes my life not worth living at all.

People have good intentions when they tell us to merely press on in spite of the nightmare we have to recon with every day. However, their hubris does not allow them empathy nor for them to accept that for the vast majority of us, we will not get better. There is no magic cure on the horizon, for most new drugs take over a decade to be approved and the vast majority of governments will restrict novel substances so that you physically can't take your own risks and get your hands on them.

Normal, healthy people really cannot fathom what it feels like to spend every waking moment in pain. They expect us to just deal with it and get on with things, but what if I can't? The vox populi won't let you utter even a whisper about ctb.

All of the chronic illness support groups I've been on will ban you if you talk about being suicidal. The largest CFS group won't even let you post scientific articles about suicide-like how it disproportionately effects people with these sort of illnesses. Basically, if you express any sentiment that hey, this sucks, and I don't want to do it anymore, they will lose their shit.

How dare you don't want to be a strong warrior? We don't want to speak to a toxic person like you who doesn't want to help themselves! Go talk to a professional, life is worth it in spite of your horrible illnesses, because of good food, kittens meowing, and the serenity of a walk in the woods.

If you have multiple illnesses people REALLY do not understand. Sure, I liked good food, before I got horrible IBS and now I wake up every morning with my innards cramping and aching so bad I nearly vomit. I loved eating prior to literally everything making me sick. Walks in the woods are great if you have the stamina to endure it without horrible pain afterwards. All of these "little treasures in life" are totally inaccessible if you are disabled by illness.

I wish people could wake up and smell the roses. That for many of us, reality is not some heroic epic where all we have to do is slay a monster/find a cure and our suffering will be over. For a lot of us, there will not be a cure in our lifetimes, and we are meant to lie down and accept a subpar quality of life while our dignity is still intact.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel the exact same way. My ears are damaged and I have various other health problems. I always feel ill. I am told that the symptoms are all in my head and that I should just ignore them, the human body literally feels like a prison. I feel like wanting suicide is a rational response when there is no relief. Anyone who disagrees hasnt been through it themselves.

 

[blue_muse]

In the instance of this thread; the unsaid needs saying.

 

[pphelpme]

I feel the exact same way. My ears are damaged and I have various other health problems. I always feel ill. I am told that the symptoms are all in my head and that I should just ignore them, the human body literally feels like a prison. I feel like wanting suicide is a rational response when there is no relief. Anyone who disagrees hasnt been through it themselves.

Its not worth it at all and I honestly dont see an issue with ctb at all if you live day to day suffering with incurable illnesses. It literally makes no sense to stay alive unless that illness can be reversed or half way fixed, or if your just geniuenly okay to live like that theres no issue to keep going but for people with illnesses that have no cure and there's no research in the coming years for it to be fixed, I just dont see a point in living. It's literally just pointless and even idiotic to keep going like this. I am an idiot for sure for not ctb yet and unfortunately have gotten so much worse since 2018.

I totally agree!! I'm just so angry that it is so hard to cbt!! I feel so trapped in a prison. I am going blind and have PTSD, and bipolar disorder, panic disorder and debilitating migraines. I get totally disabled and can't do things and feel totally useless as I am largely unable to work now and have to rely on my family financially. I am a burden and it is only going to worse. There is no treatment for my form of blindness and psych meds cannot control my panic and anxiety (or at least without be becoming totally addicted to benzos). I can't live a life on benzos. I'd kill myself in a second (have tried and failed a few months ago) but without being able to drive and living with family I am limited from getting the means to kill myself. Everyone wants me to stay positive and ignore how difficult this is going to become as I get more blind. And support groups preach a disgusting positivity when I am in hell becoming more debilitated each day. I want release from this prison but don't know how to get out right now. It's living hell and I have to fake that I'm fine or they will still back back in the psych hospital again.

I love this site that we can express these things without judgement and even support. Thank you all.

 

[HD72]

Its not worth it at all and I honestly dont see an issue with ctb at all if you live day to day suffering with incurable illnesses. It literally makes no sense to stay alive unless that illness can be reversed or half way fixed, or if your just geniuenly okay to live like that theres no issue to keep going but for people with illnesses that have no cure and there's no research in the coming years for it to be fixed, I just dont see a point in living. It's literally just pointless and even idiotic to keep going like this. I am an idiot for sure for not ctb yet and unfortunately have gotten so much worse since 2018.

I feel the same as you. This website is so confusing. Anyway. I'm in pain all the time. My mother told me that's life. My mother who never had pain. Every day is worse. I beg her to help me leave and she won't have the decency to help me but she and my family are why I'm like this.

 

[iLikeFrogs]

I feel the same. My illness (at least the diagnosed one) isn't the worst and many people live normally with it but my health keeps getting worse and I can't live like that. I no longer can enjoy the activities I used to distract myself with. My mental health is doing even worse and I'm always either bad or worse. Life like this isn't worth living to me.

 

[DarknessAndDespair]

The human body is a torture machine. Many of the people that say "you should keep on living" will think twice when they face an illness. They might even regret their words and ask for a way out.
Even if there were available treatments, for many of the conditions the costs are so high that is definitely better to be dead than being in constantly in debt to pay the fees.
I would rather make a final payment to get out of here but we are denied such a basic right.

 

[drownll]

You're absolutely right don't worry, even Nature itself is with you on this one.
It's completely unnatural how people with chronic crippling pain are maintained alive for decades, you're not supposed to be in this state for such a long time, you are supposed to be naturally selected.
If we were still at the stone age, you would quickly die. At that time when rules of nature were supreme, only the healthy and capable individuals could live, for the case of someone with chronic debilitating pain, he would be outcasted from the tribe, and unable to survive alone in the wild in his state, he would quickly die.

 

[P@in]

Chronic pain is terrible. I have it and it's a part of me that just won't leave, and a reminder that something is wrong with my body.
Constant pain changes us. Affects our view of reality. Doctors say "you gotta get used to it, try to do something to not think about it... go to a psychiatrist to take drugs for your bad mood" etc. And if that doesn't help either? Why am I supposed to suffer? Even animals that suffer get treated better!

 

[brokeandbroken]

Its not worth it at all and I honestly dont see an issue with ctb at all if you live day to day suffering with incurable illnesses. It literally makes no sense to stay alive unless that illness can be reversed or half way fixed, or if your just geniuenly okay to live like that theres no issue to keep going but for people with illnesses that have no cure and there's no research in the coming years for it to be fixed, I just dont see a point in living. It's literally just pointless and even idiotic to keep going like this. I am an idiot for sure for not ctb yet and unfortunately have gotten so much worse since 2018.

Can I ask what illness?

 

[wait.what]

I can actually deal with quite a lot of physical pain, or quite a lot of mental pain. I can't do both at the same time, though. I find the whole "Well, distract yourself, then," thing darkly hilarious, considering the circumstances. Distract myself with what? Do I feel like dwelling on the nerve pain today, or the despair? Or should I just point at these jackass "experts" and laugh, because that keeps me from screaming?

 

[SolomonKado]

I always tried to let people know I had chronic pain so they'd give me a little break when I lag behind a little. I still tried to work as hard as everyone else because that's what I was taught. Problem is not many people are very understanding. Most think you're just complaining to get out of work or treated special.

Don't fucking treat me special!! Just don't be a piece of shit to someone struggling because your not or your going through something not even close as bad and think since you can be fine then I should be also…..not everyone handles pain the same. Some worse then others…

I hope for the generations to come that the world becomes less about money and more about its people for their sake…sadly I doubt it…

 

[reborn87]

I feel same way. Wish I can the w success

Its not worth it at all and I honestly dont see an issue with ctb at all if you live day to day suffering with incurable illnesses. It literally makes no sense to stay alive unless that illness can be reversed or half way fixed, or if your just geniuenly okay to live like that theres no issue to keep going but for people with illnesses that have no cure and there's no research in the coming years for it to be fixed, I just dont see a point in living. It's literally just pointless and even idiotic to keep going like this. I am an idiot for sure for not ctb yet and unfortunately have gotten so much worse since 2018.

Not worth it

 

[LastLoveLetter]

Completely agree with you. I have a permanent physical disability that renders me partially paralysed and deforms my joints, weakens my bones and comes with a variety of awful physical and cognitive issues. There's nowhere near enough research into it and all intervention is aimed at young children. Adults are basically expected to simply suck it up.

Then, I have chronic illnesses and pain conditions on top of that. Some diagnosed, linked to my disability and explainable. Some not so much. All of them are incapacitating, incurable and I'm only accumulating more symptoms as life continues. Combined with a long history of complex trauma resulting in severe CPTSD, I'm seriously fucked.

I am so tired of being in physical and psychological pain 24/7. Nothing helps, nothing works. I have tried a myriad of treatments. There is nothing within my grasp left to try.

It's not worth living like this. When modern medicine has no cure, there's no family or support network to pull you through the darkest hours, you can't engage in anything that makes life worthwhile or fulfilling and the services that are supposed to help see you as a parasite...There's no point in persisting.

I am too ill, too weak, too feeble and too broken by trauma to survive in this world. And the world responds by spitting in my face and telling me to just be grateful. Stay positive. It can't be that bad. And if it is, it must be my fault.

Why would anyone insist that anyone else must persevere like this? I am only in my early thirties, but I feel like I live the life of a very elderly woman nearing the end of her life. Except I am expected to endure this for decades, helplessly witnessing my body and mind decline further and further.

This isn't worth it at all.