Venting I keep trying partial but I can't do it :(

[DyingToDie123]

I have a noose that hangs over my door. A few times a day I'll try it to see if I can get to myself to pass out. But you know how they say your fingers are the consistency of a carrot but your body won't let you eat them? That's exactly what it feels like. Like I'm not physically strong enough, like I just can't.

Trying is so emotionally exhausting but I feel like having the noose there is the only hope I have. I'm waiting for my argon to arrive and it's agonizing. It's a 3-5 day wait and the EEBD is a 10 day wait. I just don't feel like I have that much time left in me. I've been wanting to kill myself for my whole life, planning it seriously for months. I just want to be done.

I might throw away the rope, but I feel like that's giving into life and letting it win, and I just don't want that. I don't know what to do. I feel so trapped.

 

[The Doc]

I strongly believe that if you are struggling to go through with it, it is because there is a part of you, no matter how small, that is still holding on to life. Please, please, give this part one last chance. I beg that you hospitalize yourself. I did it last year when I was seconds away from ctb and slowly but surely things started to get better. I know that it sounds scary and you don't think it will help but I promise it works. I don't want you to regret not giving it one last chance. Please dm me if you want to talk about it I'll always be here if you need someone.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I strongly believe that if you are struggling to go through with it, it is because there is a part of you, no matter how small, that is still holding on to life. Please, please, give this part one last chance. I beg that you hospitalize yourself. I did it last year when I was seconds away from ctb and slowly but surely things started to get better. I know that it sounds scary and you don't think it will help but I promise it works. I don't want you to regret not giving it one last chance. Please dm me if you want to talk about it I'll always be here if you need someone.

I appreciate that but I've been hospitalized 7 times, been on a shit ton of meds, therapy, partial hospitalization, intensive outpatient, residential, ketamine, you name it, nothing works for me, and now I have legal issues under my belt that I'll never be able to escape. I know this is what I want.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Did you have a look at this thread?

Best way to succeed partial hanging

Last week, I have been practicing different ways of doing partial hanging and will share which method has worked the best out of all. In order to succeed partial hanging, is to fully block the carotid arteries on both sides of your neck, around 80-90% of the blood flow in the blood vessels has...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

Have you considered full?

 

[DyingToDie123]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much.

Thank you :)

Did you have a look at this thread?

Best way to succeed partial hanging

Last week, I have been practicing different ways of doing partial hanging and will share which method has worked the best out of all. In order to succeed partial hanging, is to fully block the carotid arteries on both sides of your neck, around 80-90% of the blood flow in the blood vessels has...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

I did, it didn't really seem to give any good advice for my situation unless I'm totally incompetent at reading and missing it.

Have you considered full?

yes but I'm not sure if I have a strong enough anchor for it, right now I'm just using one of those over the door anchors

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate how it's so difficult to die, it's cruel how people cannot just easily die in peace. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.