Odahviing475
Member
- Apr 12, 2023
- 57
I just found out my grandfather was the one who picked my name. His body is right in front of me, and I keep seeing his eyes open. The funeral is tomorrow and I don't know if I can handle it. Im such a disgrace cause everyone knows the mothertongue but me.
My mom just accused me of trying to make it all about me, and wants me to suck up my emotions for the next few days so my dad can grieve without worrying about me. I just said I want to tell her some stuff, and need a drink to do so. What she said just hurts, but I can't say anything or else I'll add more worry onto this situation. I'm not trying to make it about me.
When I asked what she'll do when her parents pass, my mom told me she makes sure to talk to her mom and dad everyday and will cross the bridge of dealing with her parents' deaths when she gets to it. However, she's also the one to say don't go see my grandfather unless I want my memory of him to be ruined. He was incapable of talking, and wasn't always aware of surroundings, but I still don't know how to feel about that.
I really want to CTB, and don't know if I'll get the chance to explain why to my parents. I feel so guilty feeling this way when I know I shouldn't worry my parents cause my dad just lost his dad. It's going to hurt him, and I shouldn't add on top. Yet, I don't know how to deal with this.
My grandfather and father both built so much, and I'm just here, depressed and dead in the water. The CTB feeling is too strong. Sorry if this is a rant write, my emotions needed an outlet.
Something funny and kinda cool, my uncle thinks that my grandmother is watching. When they brought the body of my grandfather in, a female monkey came and watched everything while it was being set up. That's really cool if it's true.
My mom just accused me of trying to make it all about me, and wants me to suck up my emotions for the next few days so my dad can grieve without worrying about me. I just said I want to tell her some stuff, and need a drink to do so. What she said just hurts, but I can't say anything or else I'll add more worry onto this situation. I'm not trying to make it about me.
When I asked what she'll do when her parents pass, my mom told me she makes sure to talk to her mom and dad everyday and will cross the bridge of dealing with her parents' deaths when she gets to it. However, she's also the one to say don't go see my grandfather unless I want my memory of him to be ruined. He was incapable of talking, and wasn't always aware of surroundings, but I still don't know how to feel about that.
I really want to CTB, and don't know if I'll get the chance to explain why to my parents. I feel so guilty feeling this way when I know I shouldn't worry my parents cause my dad just lost his dad. It's going to hurt him, and I shouldn't add on top. Yet, I don't know how to deal with this.
My grandfather and father both built so much, and I'm just here, depressed and dead in the water. The CTB feeling is too strong. Sorry if this is a rant write, my emotions needed an outlet.
Something funny and kinda cool, my uncle thinks that my grandmother is watching. When they brought the body of my grandfather in, a female monkey came and watched everything while it was being set up. That's really cool if it's true.
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