I'm genuinely concerned I won't ever be able to ctb. I've tied the knots and had the noose in front of me multiple times, and I've hung myself partial suspension, but I can never get to a point where I hang myself in a way that will guarantee death because I'm scared. My history is a series of aborted suicide attempts with no actual ones. Last night I planned to ctb and tied the noose to a tree at midnight and had it in front of me but I could not put it around my neck and jump off. I know this question has been asked hundreds of times here, but how does one overcome SI? Fuck, I'm desperate here. I'm concerned I'll be stuck in this shitty life forever because I can't overcome SI.
JimFord99
Enlightened
- Aug 18, 2019
- 1,047
To be honest, I could not hang or drown myself. Hanging done NOT guarantee death. History has proven that, many on the gallows survived or suffocated slowly. Even breaking the neck is survivable and may end in paralysis. The last thing you want. If I was you I would research other options, e.g. see and follow my exit plan post.
Rhea
Disgusting trash
- Jul 25, 2019
- 45
I mostly know what you mean, I've stopped myself moments before I would've died twice now. Though i found out that my parents had some expired xanax that thankfully still work so the next time will finally be it. Maybe try getting your hands on some xanax or just get drunk, just have the stuff prepared before you get drunk or take xanax. Either way, good luck.
I think a lot amongst us went through the same thing many times, one way or another. I remember myself laying in bed, standing beside were 2 helium tanks, and my exit bag over my head. Another time I was sitting, leaning against the wall in the dark. I couldn't do it, both times, yet. I know my time will come, not a matter of if but when, eventually.
Lookingforabus
Arcanist
- Aug 6, 2019
- 421
Something that you find relaxing would probably help. Benzos, alcohol, marijuana would be top choices for me, but everyone's different. (Obviously, not too much that you pass out of get all uncoordinated.) Maybe some music or a nice view.
Maybe hanging's not for you. I've picked my method (and backup methods) based on what I figure I'll be able to go through with. For me, jumping, guns, getting hit by a train and so on are out for that reason.
Everybody has those feelings when suicide becomes real. First thing to do is remove things like "being a pussy" from your vocabulary. I am not talking about from a social perspective (which I do agree it's wrong there too) but from a meaning perspective. It's meant to signify weakness in its usage. But not being able to end the only thing you know...your existence...is not weakness. It's not tough, strong, macho to kill yourself. It's an act of terrible desperation no matter how rational it might be. Forgive yourself because adding that pressure actually makes it HARDER. It is, like most things in life, easier to say than to do I know...but it still a fact.
not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 8,900
I wish I knew how to get past the S.I. as well.
I'm afraid of screwing it up and surviving as well.Well we won't be stuck here forever but it sure as hell seems like it.
Baskol1
No life, no problems
- Aug 11, 2019
- 1,030
I wish I knew how to get past the S.I. as well.
Well we won't be stuck here forever but it sure as hell seems like it.
Try jumping off atleast 30 meters.
If the SI is that strong then perhaps it's not your time yet? I always think that when the time is right you'll know, so you may be trying to force something your mind isn't truly ready for.
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