Venting I just want this nightmare to end

[_Minsk]

Tbh this life is just shit, i fucking hate it. It's a nightmare world. I can't believe it has gone this bad and that im still trying when all i want is just to die and be at peace.. i feel silly for even writing this, i could have planed it out already, get my new passport, the vax, booked a flight and finally freeze to death..

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand how you feel. I know it is hard to carry on when everything is hopeless. Life is just pain and suffering. I do not see a point to any of it all. For me, things can only get worse. Death is all I look forward to. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[whywere]

HI @Minsk! I am heartbroken that you are having a rough go of it right now, as you are truly such a great friend and awesome soul. I am 100% for real in the fact that I consider you like a part of a family that I never had, and I would be beyond sad and crushed not having you here on SS, as you are someone who I can relate to.

You are part of the pulse of this fantastic site, and you are as important to me as my pain meds, as I know I have friends, including you, who when I hop onto this site and feel as if I belong to a greater good.

Everyone has their own opinion, which is great! but at least for me, trying to freeze to death is one way that I would never ever even contemplate, after having frost bite before in my life. After the skin starts thawing then comes the horrible pain and after the skin falls off then one has to work hard to make sure that it does not get infected.

For reference's sake, I live in the upper Midwest of the U.S. and about 10 years ago or so, I cross country skied in -30F weather with a -50F wind chill. When I came in all the zippers and buckles on my suit and ski boots and bindings were frozen solid and I had to use hot water to thaw them enough to get the suit and boots off. So, I have had some experience with cold weather.

Please take good care of yourself as I care about you a lot and I send you sunny skies and warm breezes and huge hugs

YOU are never silly ever, just an awesome friend on SS!!!!

Walter

 

[Callie Arcale]

Dear @_Minsk
I know you suffer, I have read your threads before. Please don't say you are "silly", there is nothing silly about being in pain to the point that you contemplate suicide. Life deals out a lot of hardship to some of us, it's utterly despairing and devoid of rhyme or reason. Talking about it, venting and complaining is never "silly". Oftentimes it's all we've got, and all that helps ease the burden just a tiny bit.

You have been active on this forum long enough to probably know that the general consensus regarding death by hypothermia is that it is a very painful and risky method. I live in Northern Europe and hypothermia used to be my preferred method, until I did my research and decided against it.

Anyway, I won't go into details about this method, unless you expres a desire to specifically talk about it in this theard.

Sending you all my compassion

 

[S like suicide]

Tbh this life is just shit, i fucking hate it. It's a nightmare world. I can't believe it has gone this bad and that im still trying when all i want is just to die and be at peace.. i feel silly for even writing this, i could have planed it out already, get my new passport, the vax, booked a flight and finally freeze to death..

Me too...

 

[_Minsk]

Thank you everyone for being so caring and compassionate
I wish i could reply properly but im so empty and everything feels so tiresome..
@Callie Arcale i would love to hear your thoughts/concerns about this method, so far my plan was: -10°C/14 °F(hope its the right calculation), undressing, and laying in rural forest at night. I have planed to drink alcohol till i passout, i also want to take 40-80mg valium to ease anxiety. Ive read that death happens within 30m - 3h, i really hope this method is realistic, i wish i could get sn or something else but all the stress involved and the customs, i can't handle much stress currently. Hypothermia seems so easy to me once the right spot has been found.

 

[rationaltake]

Thank you everyone for being so caring and compassionate
I wish i could reply properly but im so empty and everything feels so tiresome..
@Callie Arcale i would love to hear your thoughts/concerns about this method, so far my plan was: -10°C/14 °F(hope its the right calculation), undressing, and laying in rural forest at night. I have planed to drink alcohol till i passout, i also want to take 40-80mg valium to ease anxiety. Ive read that death happens within 30m - 3h, i really hope this method is realistic, i wish i could get sn or something else but all the stress involved and the customs, i can't handle much stress currently. Hypothermia seems so easy to me once the right spot has been found.

I understand your desperation. I've thought about hypothermia myself. Not practical where I am. So sorry you're in this position.

 

[Callie Arcale]

Thank you everyone for being so caring and compassionate
I wish i could reply properly but im so empty and everything feels so tiresome..
@Callie Arcale i would love to hear your thoughts/concerns about this method, so far my plan was: -10°C/14 °F(hope its the right calculation), undressing, and laying in rural forest at night. I have planed to drink alcohol till i passout, i also want to take 40-80mg valium to ease anxiety. Ive read that death happens within 30m - 3h, i really hope this method is realistic, i wish i could get sn or something else but all the stress involved and the customs, i can't handle much stress currently. Hypothermia seems so easy to me once the right spot has been found.

My problems with this method are twofold:

Pain
Unless I can make 100% sure that I am unconscious long enough, I might wake up and feel tremendous pain. They say freezing feels like being cut by a thousand knives at once. I have spent the last decade in chronic pain, I don't want any more.

Being found with frostbite
There's always a chance someone might find me and "rescue" me. By that time I'll probably have severe frostbite and I might lose (parts of) my hands and feet or my nose. I guess I could do without the nose, but I would need my hands to make a new attempt.

 

[_Minsk]

My problems with this method are twofold:

Pain
Unless I can make 100% sure that I am unconscious long enough, I might wake up and feel tremendous pain. They say freezing feels like being cut by a thousand knives at once. I have spent the last decade in chronic pain, I don't want any more.

Being found with frostbite
There's always a chance someone might find me and "rescue" me. By that time I'll probably have severe frostbite and I might lose (parts of) my hands and feet or my nose. I guess I could do without the nose, but I would need my hands to make a new attempt.

Valid points, i really wish we all had access to free N, what is your preferred/current method if you dont mind me asking?

 

[Callie Arcale]

Valid points, i really wish we all had access to free N, what is your preferred/current method if you dont mind me asking?

Partial hanging. I don't know how to order N and I am bedbound with very limited possibility to move. So, it's not so much a choice as a lack of options.

 

[_Minsk]

Partial hanging. I don't know how to order N and I am bedbound with very limited possibility to move. So, it's not so much a choice as a lack of options.

I did also look into partial but i feel too exhausted/unmotivated to keep on trying to find the sweetspot.
Me as well, but im also scared of all the legal issues that might come along with ordering N.
Sending much love!

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I hope you find peace @_Minsk but also you can talk to me any time.

 

[LittleJem]

OP that sounds like a quick exit (compared to Ami cocktail which is 24 hours). With enough Benzos to knock you out it sounds a good method. I'd probably practice with Benzos first. I had a long-acting one I tried once (Alaprozam?) and it knocked me out quickly and for six hours or more.

Living is so hard and dying also.
I have Ami under my bed. But as it's 24 hours and also still surviving on self-medication, haven't done it yet.

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. I wish I had some way to help. My mind isn't working today but I wanted to say how much I appreciate you and wish you the best whatever you decide.

 

[lostundead]

, i wish i could get sn or something else but all the stress involved and the customs, i can't handle much stress currently

If you are ordering from and into an EU-country it won't go through costums. From your name it's not hard to guess that this is not the case for you, belarus being a non-EU country. Anyhow, I don't know how strict costums are over there, but SN is just a tiny bottle so I think it's unlikely that it gets seized but even if it does that's the worst that can happen. But I fullwell understand that our ape-brains don't usually listen to reason and will make you feel anxious regardless of how irrational it is.The other option would be going to a EU-state and ordering it there.

It sounds like you're in a hurry so you must be suffering a lot. But you should really take a step back and reconsider, because freezing is at best a horrible way to leave this world.

Much love

 

[miserableforever]

HI @Minsk! I am heartbroken that you are having a rough go of it right now, as you are truly such a great friend and awesome soul. I am 100% for real in the fact that I consider you like a part of a family that I never had, and I would be beyond sad and crushed not having you here on SS, as you are someone who I can relate to.

You are part of the pulse of this fantastic site, and you are as important to me as my pain meds, as I know I have friends, including you, who when I hop onto this site and feel as if I belong to a greater good.

Everyone has their own opinion, which is great! but at least for me, trying to freeze to death is one way that I would never ever even contemplate, after having frost bite before in my life. After the skin starts thawing then comes the horrible pain and after the skin falls off then one has to work hard to make sure that it does not get infected.

For reference's sake, I live in the upper Midwest of the U.S. and about 10 years ago or so, I cross country skied in -30F weather with a -50F wind chill. When I came in all the zippers and buckles on my suit and ski boots and bindings were frozen solid and I had to use hot water to thaw them enough to get the suit and boots off. So, I have had some experience with cold weather.

Please take good care of yourself as I care about you a lot and I send you sunny skies and warm breezes and huge hugs

YOU are never silly ever, just an awesome friend on SS!!!!

Walter

Thank you for the warning, I guess. I was contemplating the same method, cause as a hypochondriac with OCD and GAD I'm terrified of meds and hanging.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I know this is not in keeping with the spirit of this thread, but I had to tell you @_Minsk how happy I was to see your post. I've been gone for months and so much has changed. Seeing your name attached to a thread made it feel like home again.

Of course, I am sad that you are experiencing such pain and that you e been driven to this point, but the fact that your name inspired such feelings in me is evidence of what you mean to this site and its members.

I'm not sure how you're feeling today, but I hope you're a little better. Your method terrifies me. It sounds agonizing and I wouldn't want that for you. I live in the Upper Midwest USA and at one point I was considering taking SN in an outdoor chapel in the woods in the middle of January. My SS friends convinced me it was not a good idea.

Wish I could share my SN with you. Life is full of suffering. Death shouldn't be needlessly agonizing as well.

 

[whywere]

I know this is not in keeping with the spirit of this thread, but I had to tell you @_Minsk how happy I was to see your post. I've been gone for months and so much has changed. Seeing your name attached to a thread made it feel like home again.

Of course, I am sad that you are experiencing such pain and that you e been driven to this point, but the fact that your name inspired such feelings in me is evidence of what you mean to this site and its members.

I'm not sure how you're feeling today, but I hope you're a little better. Your method terrifies me. It sounds agonizing and I wouldn't want that for you. I live in the Upper Midwest USA and at one point I was considering taking SN in an outdoor chapel in the woods in the middle of January. My SS friends convinced me it was not a good idea.

Wish I could share my SN with you. Life is full of suffering. Death shouldn't be needlessly agonizing as well.

HI! I too live in the Upper Midwest of the U.S. and having been in all 4 seasons and especially winter all my life and after having frostbite before, no thank you is all I have to say.

The very best to you as you are a good friend here on SS.

Walter