I just told my friend that I'm suicidal. Didn't go well.

[Manaaja]

I told my friend that I'm suicidal and want to die, because most people treat me poorly and despite seeking help, it seems that for every good person who tries to help me, there's a dozen people who either ignore me or hurt me and belittle me. (I do have a million other reasons for ctb, but that's the one reason I told him, because it's the main thing on my mind right now.)

Then I told him about one time that still hurts me a lot, a time when I showed him a video of my abusive narcissistic parents being abusive narcissistic parents and throwing me out of house, and how he blamed me for my parents's behavior and defended my parents, and how in the end I had to seek help from strangers on the Internet's narcissism forums. I told him I was happy that strangers on the Internet believed me and comforted me even though they hadn't even seen the video, but I also told him I was sad that he, my friend and a person who has actually met me face-to-face, didn't believe me or help me despite seeing the video.

And of course he tried to gaslight me, telling me not to put words into his mouth. He claimed that he didn't defend my parents or accuse me. (He accused me of thinking that he accused me, the irony.) That's one thing he loves to do, he says something, I tell him that what he said hurts me, and he complains about me putting words into his mouth. Even when I have proof of him saying those things to me, he still claims that I'm putting words into his mouth. Then he even said that I didn't show him any proof so how could he had believed me.

Well, if strangers on the Internet's narcissism forums believe me without knowing a thing about me or seeing any proof, but my supposed friend, to whom I showed a long video of my toxic parents abusing me mentally and physically too since they threw me out of house, complains that he can't believe me, since I didn't show him any proof... Maybe those strangers on the Internet are my real friends and he is no friend at all. Isn't part of friendship and discussion to believe others? Imagine this forum or reddit or any place on the Internet or even in the off-line world if any time someone said something, everyone would accuse them of lying even if they showed proof. "You live in Paris? Post a video of yourself standing in front of Eiffel Tower. Oh, and I won't believe you even if you show me a video."

Then he told me "Go and hang out with your Internet friends, since they are so much better". I replied, "Look, it's YOU who puts words into MY mouth. I told you they were some strangers on the Internet, not my friends.". He sounded jealous. He also puts words into my mouth, despite always claiming that it's me who puts words into his mouth. He projects his own behavior onto me.

In the end he said to me "Go seek help from people who can help you. I can't help you, I'm not a knight in a shining armor.". This stinks because I have sought help from him many times over the years and he has often helped me, but when I feel like I'm out of options and have nowhere to turn to anymore, he straight-out says that I'm not getting help from him.

Ironic. I told him that I'm tired of living because despite seeking help, not many help me and most just ignore me or hurt me, and he told me to go and find some help. Just not from him.

Well, no fear of him calling the 911... I don't know whether that's a good thing for me or not. I want to rope, but I also wish someone would save me from roping. I don't know what to do or feel anymore. I'm so tired and scared and hopeless.

 

[WornOutLife]

Unfortunately, these things never go well.
Why? Simple: most people are programmed to live and "help" those who are depressed and wanna ctb. It is nonsense for them that an individual wants to commit suicide.
They can be your best friends, parents, siblings, etc but if they're not suicidal and depressed they will never understand what you're going through. Just like those useless psychologists and shrinks.

Next time, try not to say anything. They will only want to send you to a psych ward.

 

[Avyn]

Reading this makes him sound like a narcissist himself - gaslighting you, playing the victim saying you're accusing him, lying and saying you didn't show him any proof etc. A normal friend shouldn't behave this way. I mean when its about suicide people usually react either understanding or don't understand you at all. "How can someone want to die?" "How can you hurt yourself?" "You're supposed to love yourself"

Sadly most people we know and meet have the second mentality. I used to have a friend that seemed to be narcissistic aswell (of course I can't diagnose her, but I knew her for 5+ years and she showed some signs), just like my mother is a narcissist. Always needed attention, she was always the victim even if I was in trouble, she needed to get involved in drama all the time, picked on my flaws, made rude comments, etc. The best thing I did was cutting her off and blocking her for good, it was easy since she moved away to go to university that wasn't available in our country.

No amount of your explaining will help them understand better, and if your friend reacted this way and said "ask someone else for help Im done with this shit", I'm not sure if he's gonna call the 911 on you since he seemed quite mad, judging by his reaction when you confronted him. I'm sure you can find better friends, no matter if online or in person, you're still doing a good job! Don't think about his words, the most important thing is you, especially when you're feeling like this right now, and not his hurt little ego. Also, be careful. If you grow up with narcissistic people, you will run into more narcissists in your life, because they give you the same feeling your parents did and it might feel more "trusted" to you, so as a victim of abuse in the past, you might end up friends or in a relationship with more of them.
Please don't give up, they're not worth your time. You need to show them you can live by yourself and that you're not here to feed their egos and make them feel better by belittling and abusing you.

 

[NotGoodEnough]

Unfortunately, these things never go well.
Why? Simple: most people are programmed to live and "help" those who are depressed and wanna ctb. It is nonsense for them that an individual wants to commit suicide.
They can be your best friends, parents, siblings, etc but if they're not suicidal and depressed they will never understand what you're going through. Just like those useless psychologists and shrinks.

Next time, try not to say anything. They will only want to send you to a psych ward.

Well that's some unhelpful advice if I've ever seen one. The only people who truly understand how it's like to be suicidal are us who have experienced it, of course, but psychologists deal with it on an almost daily basis and have managed to help loads of people. Back when I still had a best friend, when I told her I wanted to die she didn't really understand it but that didn't keep her from supporting me and trying to help

 

[DarkNearDeath]

That's not a friend. That's just someone you talk to and get absolutely battered or gaslighted in return.

 

[blue_muse]

Well that's some unhelpful advice if I've ever seen one. The only people who truly understand how it's like to be suicidal are us who have experienced it, of course, but psychologists deal with it on an almost daily basis and have managed to help loads of people. Back when I still had a best friend, when I told her I wanted to die she didn't really understand it but that didn't keep her from supporting me and trying to help

But, unfortunately, not every friend is like your best friend.

I'm sorry to hear what happened Manaaja. Your friend made an epic fail in understanding that your experiences are not subjective ones; he is the one contributing to those experiences yet invalidating you at the same time.

 

[WornOutLife]

Well that's some unhelpful advice if I've ever seen one. The only people who truly understand how it's like to be suicidal are us who have experienced it, of course, but psychologists deal with it on an almost daily basis and have managed to help loads of people. Back when I still had a best friend, when I told her I wanted to die she didn't really understand it but that didn't keep her from supporting me and trying to help

I should I've said "most of them" instead of they when I said "they will only want to send you to a psych ward."
That's what happened to me and my dad "saved" me.
I dunno if you've read the typical experiences people have had with psychologists and psychiatrists here but that tends to be the case.
If you don't believe me, just use the search tool and see it for yourself.

Sure, there are some professionals which are awesome and can really help but I can probably count them just with my fingers.

 

[NotGoodEnough]

I should I've said "most of them" instead of they when I said "they will only want to send you to a psych ward."
That's what happened to me and my dad "saved" me.
I dunno if you've read the typical experiences people have had with psychologists and psychiatrists here but that tends to be the case.
If you don't believe me, just use the search tool and see it for yourself.

Sure, there are some professionals which are awesome and can really help but I can probably count them just with my fingers.

Hoo boy, been two weeks since I last logged in huh. Sorry to hear what you've been through, really. I sincerely hope you're in a better place now. I haven't read those, no, and I agree I probably should. Speaking from experience, my psychologist of two years has yet to try to send me to a psych ward, still tries to help me and seems genuinely happy when I don't wanna die in a session so I might be biased

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

I'm so sorry your friend let you down in such a huge way. All I can say is I've had some close hand experience with a narcissist in my family. They are expert manipulators and experts at being two-faced. They are never at fault. It is always your fault. Or, you misunderstood the situation. Or you're trying to guilt trip them. They can spin any story to make themselves look like the victim and you the aggressor. They are expects at turning your family and friends against you. I'm thinking you mean the /r/raisedbynarcissists sub on redd it . That's a really helpful resource.

This might not help much - but it gave me some comfort when I found it. It's a poem:

The Narcissists' Prayer
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
​

I hope I don't trigger anyone by posting this btw - that wasn't my intention. It's just this poem really fucking resonates with me, and probably other ppl that deal with people like this.

 

[ConfusedAndWeird]

Honestly, telling people outside of this community about our suicidal desires is for the most part a bad idea unless you like the idea of being locked away in a psych ward "for your own safety" regardless of what you want. It's a big reason nobody can really talk about this without fear of consequences is because everyone has the right to do that. But I understand why people would do it. It's hard to bottle up. I've done it to almost every friend and family member I've known about and amazingly I've never actually ended up in a psych ward. Probably because I didn't communicate intent.

It's frustrating to me especially since I know for a fact that I would not do the same if someone came to me expressing their own suicidal feelings, someone else confided in me once and I was very pro-choice with them, which, unlike what pro-lifers seemed to think, helped them recover quite a lot as far as I'm aware to the point where they don't want to die anymore. I just wish that people would pay me the same respect I would pay them but I guess they figure they'll never reach a point in their life where death is attractive so they'll never feel regret about it.

Amazingly, I actually had one friend who respected my choices when I told him, which earned me a great deal of respect considering that he's a pro-lifer himself. He simply listened to me and realized that I had a large amount of problems, many of which are not temporary, and that I have thought this choice through for a long period after trying alternatives. I actually think that many pro-lifers would soften up if they could just listen to us for a little bit with an open mind. But nobody has ever failed to express disapproval of my intentions, so I would think in general it's a bad idea to tell friends

 

[Conk]

Rookie mistake never tell normies you are suicidal they dont get it, and they would never get it.

 

[Morituri_Te_Salutant]

All the more reasons why I only let out my depressed/suicide self in here. Never worked well when I did that with my friends back in the day.