O
oopswronglife
Elementalist
- Jun 27, 2019
- 870
Her normal appointment is in Spring but I have this need to make sure she is fine at the last minute before I go...if I can get the courage to follow through (with ctb...not the vet...the vet doesn't bother me at all and they are lovely...the cat has an entirely different opinion however and makes a show of being mad for 12-24 hours post visit...usually involves pooping in the car and lots of glaring). Leaving her is a huge source of stress for me and if there was any way I could get the money and stability to survive until she died naturally and then ctb I would do it...but she has potentially over 10-15 years left and I won't make it that many days or weeks the way it's going. I've organized her records, stocked up food and toys, and left detailed instructions and money for the shit family who will have her...who have promised that if anything happened to me they would adopt her out to someone...and despite their lack of follow through in general in my life I have to believe they will do right this time. She is sitting next to me right now. She doesn't like being indoors much, especially when the weather is decent, and she is sitting right here like she knows. Or maybe it's the treats in my pocket...it's probably that.
God I love her so much and hate that I will not be here for her...fantasizing about a last minute lotto win or some miracle where I could move back to Europe with her and live in a small flat...just us...it would be enough. I hope there is a cat heaven and I can go there instead and wait for her. Probably sounds ridiculous to a non cat person...but she is everything here, the only good thing in my life locally and the only thing at all, aside from two people abroad who I will never see again. Going to buy lottery tickets to check on the planned night hoping the complete lack of luck for most of my life changes and I can smoosh her face and tell her we are moving while she gives me that annoyed "put me down" look and wiggles away.
God I love her so much and hate that I will not be here for her...fantasizing about a last minute lotto win or some miracle where I could move back to Europe with her and live in a small flat...just us...it would be enough. I hope there is a cat heaven and I can go there instead and wait for her. Probably sounds ridiculous to a non cat person...but she is everything here, the only good thing in my life locally and the only thing at all, aside from two people abroad who I will never see again. Going to buy lottery tickets to check on the planned night hoping the complete lack of luck for most of my life changes and I can smoosh her face and tell her we are moving while she gives me that annoyed "put me down" look and wiggles away.
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