Z
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Member
- Oct 29, 2021
- 12
Spoke to the love of my life over text- or who I thought was the love of my life.
I'd been in a strange sort of affair relationship the past year. I was only ever happy with her.
She almost chose me, but I pushed for it too hard. My mental health issues were too much, i'm too much.
I'm kind of relieved she didn't choose me though. I've always been depressed, I've always wanted out. Would I really be able to come through on everything I would have promised her? Would I be happy doing it? I thought it would break my heart- but, realistically, I've known for months. My heart has been broken much longer than that.
I wish her and my family and those who will be negatively affected could be shielded from my passing- if I am successful. I can't live a life like mine for them though, I can't suffer through for them. They should understand. I hope one day they all will.
I've taken Meto intermittently all day and am fasting.
I've aquarium tested my SN.
There is no one to interrupt me for at least 72 hours.
I'm ready for bed.
I think I'll be ready tomorrow.
I have plenty of everything to reset if I choose not to.
I don't think it's necessary though, I think it's time.
I'll update tomorrow if anyone is interested.
Goodnight.
I'd been in a strange sort of affair relationship the past year. I was only ever happy with her.
She almost chose me, but I pushed for it too hard. My mental health issues were too much, i'm too much.
I'm kind of relieved she didn't choose me though. I've always been depressed, I've always wanted out. Would I really be able to come through on everything I would have promised her? Would I be happy doing it? I thought it would break my heart- but, realistically, I've known for months. My heart has been broken much longer than that.
I wish her and my family and those who will be negatively affected could be shielded from my passing- if I am successful. I can't live a life like mine for them though, I can't suffer through for them. They should understand. I hope one day they all will.
I've taken Meto intermittently all day and am fasting.
I've aquarium tested my SN.
There is no one to interrupt me for at least 72 hours.
I'm ready for bed.
I think I'll be ready tomorrow.
I have plenty of everything to reset if I choose not to.
I don't think it's necessary though, I think it's time.
I'll update tomorrow if anyone is interested.
Goodnight.