I just feel so lonely and it makes the thoughts worse

[bunny_brownie9]

I just feel extremely lonely. I have friends but I don't see them often and I feel like such a burden to everyone.

I have SN and an AE (that I don't think is a good one) but I can't get benzos as my dr is refusing to prescribe them.

I wouldn't wish trauma on anyone else but I feel so alone with it all. I wish someone understood. I'm so traumatised. I just want to die already.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do understand that loneliness is dreadful and painful for so many who exist here, existence really is too cruel. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Linda]

You will always find support here. I know it's not the same as having friends in person, but it is something.

It sounds as though you are struggling to handle your situation by yourself. You might do better to seek support from someone. Don't worry about being a burden. You would only become a burden to someone if you keep seeking help repeatedly from them, over a long period, and if they don't see you doing things to help yourself.

Are you able to get to your friends easily? (Or is the reason you don't see them often that they live far away?) You could go and talk to one (or more) of them. Explain how you feel. If you do that, you might find that some of them are less "friends" than you thought - so be prepared to handle that if it happens. Some might want to support you but not know how. (Friends are not trained therapists.) But you might also find that some of them care more for you than you realised and are able and willing to do a lot to support you. You won't know unless you do it.

 

[todiefor]

I just feel extremely lonely. I have friends but I don't see them often and I feel like such a burden to everyone.

I have SN and an AE (that I don't think is a good one) but I can't get benzos as my dr is refusing to prescribe them.

I wouldn't wish trauma on anyone else but I feel so alone with it all. I wish someone understood. I'm so traumatised. I just want to die already.

I know how that feels I'm sorry. I also feel extremely alone and lost right now. I cut contact with my irl friends to be alone and to work things out but things have just become worse. I had a few good friends on the site but they have recently died or left. I feel so alone again. I'm starting to accept that at the end of the day, no one really cares, ppl seem to always want things from you or goes. I wish ppl can see and understand and care and stay.

I miss the old me, I miss people I shouldn't miss, I don't think I've ever known what it feels like to be truly alone until now

 

[Linda]

I know how that feels I'm sorry. I also feel extremely alone and lost right now. I cut contact with my irl friends to be alone and to work things out but things have just become worse. I had a few good friends on the site but they have recently died or left. I feel so alone again. I'm starting to accept that at the end of the day, no one really cares, ppl seem to always want things from you or goes. I wish ppl can see and understand and care and stay.

I'm not sure that cutting contact with friends is a good idea, at least not for a long period. Everybody needs some contact with people.

Lasting friendships have to be two-way things. (Otherwise, we are at the level of acquaintances, rather than friends.) Your friends need to get something from the friendship, just like you do. Perhaps you could give some thought about what you can put into friendships, as well as what you want from them.

 

[todiefor]

I'm not sure that cutting contact with friends is a good idea, at least not for a long period. Everybody needs some contact with people.

Lasting friendships have to be two-way things. (Otherwise, we are at the level of acquaintances, rather than friends.) Your friends need to get something from the friendship, just like you do. Perhaps you could give some thought about what you can put into friendships, as well as what you want from them.

Are u accusing me of not understanding what friendship or giving is… I cut off contact with friends because I went through an extremely traumatic divorce and I couldn't see anyone irl without blurting out I want to die, a lot of my friends are doctors and I know are obliged to section me if I said that to them, and they have said to me as much, so I kept away. I also don't want them to feel guilty in case I did ctb, feeling that they could have done something and didn't. I have done a lot for my friends and been there for their worst, and love them dearly, they all know that. Some of them offered their own families and homes to me, I just really couldn't, I went from being totally functional to completely suicidal, I couldn't burden them especially with their families it wouldn't have been right. I'm not a silly person that doesn't understand friendship or what it means to give.

In terms of friends on this site, I've lost a lot of ppl to ctb. Some you lose for various reasons beyond your control it's a mental health site, others have genuinely turned out to be bad people looking to take advantage of others. It all hurts, a lot really, and I have trouble dealing with it, but it is the nature of this site and the world in general.

I just feel extremely lonely. I have friends but I don't see them often and I feel like such a burden to everyone.

I have SN and an AE (that I don't think is a good one) but I can't get benzos as my dr is refusing to prescribe them.

I wouldn't wish trauma on anyone else but I feel so alone with it all. I wish someone understood. I'm so traumatised. I just want to die already.

And sorry OP for having high jacked your thread , I'm also incredibly lonely. Feel free to dm me if you think it might be helpful

 

[bunny_brownie9]

You will always find support here. I know it's not the same as having friends in person, but it is something.

It sounds as though you are struggling to handle your situation by yourself. You might do better to seek support from someone. Don't worry about being a burden. You would only become a burden to someone if you keep seeking help repeatedly from them, over a long period, and if they don't see you doing things to help yourself.

Are you able to get to your friends easily? (Or is the reason you don't see them often that they live far away?) You could go and talk to one (or more) of them. Explain how you feel. If you do that, you might find that some of them are less "friends" than you thought - so be prepared to handle that if it happens. Some might want to support you but not know how. (Friends are not trained therapists.) But you might also find that some of them care more for you than you realised and are able and willing to do a lot to support you. You won't know unless you do it.

thank you, I really appreciate that. I guess that the loneliness gets the better of me sometimes but maybe I expect too much. I've always been very anxious and making friends is hard for me. They do live far (ish) but not so far that I couldn't drive there. This is all very good advice thank you. Maybe it's for the best that it's this way though as it may not hurt them as bad once it happens.

 

[Linda]

Are u accusing me of not understanding what friendship or giving is… I cut off contact with friends because I went through an extremely traumatic divorce and I couldn't see anyone irl without blurting out I want to die, a lot of my friends are doctors and I know are obliged to section me if I said that to them, and they have said to me as much, so I kept away. I also don't want them to feel guilty in case I did ctb, feeling that they could have done something and didn't. I have done a lot for my friends and been there for their worst, and love them dearly, they all know that. Some of them offered their own families and homes to me, I just really couldn't, I went from being totally functional to completely suicidal, I couldn't burden them especially with their families it wouldn't have been right. I'm not a silly person that doesn't understand friendship or what it means to give.

In terms of friends on this site, I've lost a lot of ppl to ctb. Some you lose for various reasons beyond your control it's a mental health site, others have genuinely turned out to be bad people looking to take advantage of others. It all hurts, a lot really, and I have trouble dealing with it, but it is the nature of this site and the world in general.

And sorry OP for having high jacked your thread , I'm also incredibly lonely. Feel free to dm me if you think it might be helpful

Thank you for the feedback. I have to respond to posts knowing very little about the person concerned, which makes it hard to always strike the right tone. Evidently I got it wrong in your case, for which I apologise. To avoid the risk of getting it wrong again, I have made a note not to respond to any more of your posts.

 

[Meteora]

I just feel extremely lonely. I have friends but I don't see them often and I feel like such a burden to everyone.

I have SN and an AE (that I don't think is a good one) but I can't get benzos as my dr is refusing to prescribe them.

I wouldn't wish trauma on anyone else but I feel so alone with it all. I wish someone understood. I'm so traumatised. I just want to die already.

Guess I know what you mean. I feel very lonely, too, all the time basically. Trauma is destructive and yet, people don't believe how much one has to suffer.

 

[Katdogg]

I'm glad to see you are alive and still posting here.

Is there anything that you do that helps you feel connected and less lonely? I have my cats and dogs. They have helped me through some bad times.

I try to avoid letting my mind dwell on how alone I am, because it is too painful. I try to box it away and distract myself with something else. Lately it has been video games.

I miss my friends too. We all get so busy with our own lives, that we can't find time for each other? Idk...

 

[Gonnerr]

Same here , loneliness is killing me since the last 20 years, that's what happen when you don't win the DNA lottery. Fuck universe.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

I think knowing you're completely alone and finally coming to accept it, is infinitely less lonely than thinking you have a support system, reaching out, and feeling a sense of shame for doing so. Way lonelier, imo. I've gone years without a support system. I learned to somewhat cope by myself. Kind of. But when somebody comes into your life and makes you think you can confide in them but it turns out you can't, its way lonelier than it was before. It's almost like the only way to survive is being alone. And that makes me want to god damn die.

I don't want someone to fix my problems for me. I just want them to wrap their arms around me and convince me I'm not totally undeserving of love even if I'm traumatized and fucked up. But I'm not wasting my time wishing for that anymore. I'm just accepting my inevitably solitude. The next best thing I can do is plan to make a swift exit from existence. I don't belong here

 

[BorderlineChellery]

Totally understand how you feel, it's horrendous. I thought I had one good friend, but seems they've even given up on me now. I don't really have anyone to turn to anymore