I just dont want to be alone

[pdyduc]

I just feel as if prolonged loneliness is an illness. I can go so long while being alone, but on weekends when I realise that there is nobody in my life who would like to see me, I recognise that I am alone. It really hurt me when I realised that my coworkers are friends with each other, and do things outside of work, without me. I get it, I really do. I am so far from perfect I am not even in the same realm. It still stings. I just want to have the ability to make friends. I feel like depression creeps up on me like sand. No body notices, if I told somebody that I knew, they would be sympathetic. However, there would be nothing that they could do about it, or that they would want to do. I have no desire most of the time to go above and beyond for a stranger, why would anybody want to do that for me? But I crave it, I crave the feeling of being important and desired and loved and listened to. Therapy takes too long to explain myself. Spending a couple hundred dollars each session just to get through a fraction of the wall that I have unwillingly put up is not fun. I feel like a therapist tends to think that I am fine, that all I need is whatever fixes that they can prescribe me or exercise. I know that sometimes I sit on the deep end and look down. I think that one day I really will take my own life. I think that people in my life will feel shocked, maybe they thought that I was so happy, working towards my dream, trying my best. I dont think that the people in my life realise how tired I am, I wish that people saw through the façade that I tend to rely on. I feel like leading breadcrumbs towards my mental instability. Letting people know how you feel sometimes just makes them tired of you, I find. They get tired of you complaining, and are not interested in hearing about your difficult times. Why would they? They are busy and have their own lives. I feel so insignificant in the scheme of the world. I am not an interesting person I am someone without a personality. Like a blank slate but dull and unusable. I am not sure why anyone might love me. I cant love myself. I'll pretend but Its hard, I try but its so hard. I am so tired. I am so tired.

 

[Demonnn]

You can talk with me friend
I feel you

 

[timf]

Humans were created to need each other. However, if you openly demonstration this need, you will often find that it drives people away. Most people deal with each other in a superficial way. You can swim in these waters if you can show a light interest in others with no expectation that anyone will show an interest in you.

If you have a capacity for depth, you may (rarely) find others with a similar capacity for depth. These are those with whom you might find a connection that will fill your need. You should be aware that these infrequent encounters are fragile and patience is the way to explore and build them.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Message me if you want. I am doing fucking nothing.

 

[FuneralCry]

Loneliness can be a painful feeling for many of us, and it can send us into despair. I'm sorry you are going through this, life can be exhausting and it can be hard when everything feels hopeless. I wish you well.

 

[kane]

Yes, it's a really crappy feeling. Obviously don't know the particulars that are preventing you from connecting, but I tend to assume there's someone out there for most personality types (unless you're actively mean to people.) Everyone has a personality, yours may just be more of an acquired taste. Maybe look for people with similar issues to you who would be more on your wavelength/understanding? For example, I've been thinking about joining a local social anxiety meetup to try and reduce my own crushing loneliness, if I ever work up the courage. Figure it might take the pressure off, if everyone I'm with understands/accepts the awkwardness of it. So maybe your 'people' are out there somewhere, and you just need to look in the right places?

 

[pdyduc]

Yes, it's a really crappy feeling. Obviously don't know the particulars that are preventing you from connecting, but I tend to assume there's someone out there for most personality types (unless you're actively mean to people.) Everyone has a personality, yours may just be more of an acquired taste. Maybe look for people with similar issues to you who would be more on your wavelength/understanding? For example, I've been thinking about joining a local social anxiety meetup to try and reduce my own crushing loneliness, if I ever work up the courage. Figure it might take the pressure off, if everyone I'm with understands/accepts the awkwardness of it. So maybe your 'people' are out there somewhere, and you just need to look in the right places?

I appreciate it, I have to hope for the best when meeting people. Thank you.

Loneliness can be a painful feeling for many of us, and it can send us into despair. I'm sorry you are going through this, life can be exhausting and it can be hard when everything feels hopeless. I wish you well.

The knowledge that people see and understand what I'm going through helps, thank you.

 

[souljah222]

i relate with every single word, like i couldve made that post. i think if people like us wouldnt "act normal and fine" all the time irl at least we could connect with each other.

 

[strangemagic]

You can message me if you need. I feel the exact same

 

[H0110W]

Damn, this hits so close to home, it's as if I wrote that myself, OP. Some time has passed since you posted, how are you coping now? I'm going through the exact same feelings and every day it gets slightly worse.

 

[tiredplant777]

You just described exactly how I feel. I am so sorry you feel like this also.