Venting I just can't black out! :(

[AQUA]

I've been trying and trying to partially hang myself for days, but no matter where I place the knot and how much pressure I place on my neck, I just can't blackout. I feel pins and needles/fuzzy feeling through my arms and legs. Am I doing it right, just not waiting long enough???

People die from silly accidents all the time, and people that don't deserve to die also die. It's so unfair!
Why is it so hard for us to intentionally die?

I know I should probably wait until a better time to mitigate the bad effects my death will have on the people who care about me, but lately, ive just been desperate.

I wish I could give my life to someone that actually deserves It.

Thank you for reading. It feels good to get this off my chest.

 

[delusionalgirl]

It takes a lot of practice. Sometimes you have to step away and try again to get the spot. I can get it about 60% of the time. One time held too long. I was oops crap.

 

[AQUA]

It takes a lot of practice. Sometimes you have to step away and try again to get the spot. I can get it about 60% of the time. One time held too long. I was oops crap.

Thanks for your kind words and for relating to me in a way that makes us see the same. It makes me feel a little less alone

I hate how taboo it all is, not knowing how close I should talk about it all in case someone finds out.
It's probably for the best that I don't tell the people around me though, since it'll hurt them and stress them out, defeating the whole point of ctbing in the first place

 

[delusionalgirl]

Thanks for your kind words and for relating to me in a way that makes us see the same. It makes me feel a little less alone

I hate how taboo it all is, not knowing how close I should talk about it all in case someone finds out.
It's probably for the best that I don't tell the people around me though, since it'll hurt them and stress them out, defeating the whole point of ctbing in the first place

You are so welcome. That's one great reason I love this place. We can talk about it and not get dragged to a psych word. If you look up all the post on partial and full, there's a lot like yours. And that old saying practice makes perfect works so well with this. This one is one of my back ups

 

[DarkRose]

I relate to this. I to have been trying to find the spot for a while now. But i dont ever faint.

 

[AQUA]

Right! Isn't it exhausting? Both mentally and physically draining to people that can't afford to lose any more energy :(
Gosh, I can't wait until the moment my vision collapses from the outer edges inwards.

There are so many factors we have to consider in intentionally dying/getting close to passing on, yet it seems there is always someone on the backpages of the news with a kink for it being found in the cupboard after holding on for too long, squanching all over the place!

Sending hugs to both of your ways @DarkRose and @delusionalgirl

 

[delusionalgirl]

Hugs to you too :)

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate how suicide is so difficult in this world, it's such a cruel punishment how we cannot easily leave, I've never even attempted the hanging method as I would fear it just failing and just leading to more suffering, but I hope that you eventually find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[AQUA]

I hate how suicide is so difficult in this world, it's such a cruel punishment how we cannot easily leave, I've never even attempted the hanging method as I would fear it just failing and just leading to more suffering, but I hope that you eventually find the freedom you are searching for.

Thank you for your kind words @FuneralCry! It's not my preferred method either, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm gonna try to wait a bit longer; making this post yesterday really let some steam out of me. Thank god we have SaSa!

I hope you find peace and full satisfaction in whatever path you walk down too.

 

[Crono]

See. First comment.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/hanging-today.122903/

 

[JustWantOut500]

Yea I had the same problem. Paid money on a hotel, was drunk and on benzos so I had very little SI, was very much ready to be gone, and just could not pass out for the life of me. Sucks so bad. Sorry you went through the same.