sevennn
Mage
- Sep 11, 2024
- 532
tinnitus is killing me. it's gone all reactive. and painful. doctor said "stress" im trying to believe her. i'll entertain this idea for a bit. because what else do i have left. i feel so heartbroken and crushed. i had never felt this bad. ever. and i haven't had the best of time on this planet. so it means something when i say it. i had never felt this crushed. and this horrible. and heartrboken. i wont go into details. but she told me to rest. i'll entertain her. and my mom. by following the instructions. i read online. neural pathways. whatever. you have to believe it. nobody knows anything about this. so may be right. i don't want to set it in stone if i can. the brain can relearn right? just for the purpose of exhausting all my options. and to not break down any further. and to most importantly not blame myself (if i never try to rest in these first few weeks and it doesn't go away - i will) i'll entertain this idea. just so i don't blame myself for the most part. and can go away from this world later probably vomiting and retching on a salty poison. i hate sn i hate being on this forum i hate lying in my bed researching methods i hate looking reading about ear brain neurology fuck it i hate fear and hate EVERYTHUJG hate it absolutely. i don't fucking want to be here. and i don't want to do any of this shit. i guess it's for mg body to decide whether to kill me or not. goodbye for now. i hate it all. i'll try to rest. sorry for getting angry. bye. i need to sleep. eat. my rooms a mess. i hate it all. i can't go outside. i was so happy i could go outside every day for the last 200 days and fight agoraphobia. and then i had to be punished by this. i must've done something wrong. i must be horrible to be punished like this. goodbye. i'm just tired
i had to sit in hearing protection because someone put a kettle on
