I have surpassed my suffering threshold

[RealHumanBean]

Typically, the only things stopping me from ctb are 1) How it will hurt my family, and 2) It's actually not that easy to kill yourself (obtaining things needed for a reliable exit, and fighting against survival instinct).

I am suffering so intensely that #1 is not a concern anymore. It's too much. No one should have to experience this. I think the final nail in the coffin is that the suffering is going to be prolonged; there is no possibility of any movement towards neutral (joy is so far beyond what I can reach it basically does not exist).

So, it's time to go.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sorry for what has brought you here. My main concern is my family as well. Mainly my parents. Other relatives will get over it.

 

[RealHumanBean]

Thank you for the hug I need the support right now!

I just want to say that I'm not posting for sympathy like "ohhhh I've got it so bad right now if anyone deserves the sweet release of death it's me". I know that everyone here has it bad. It's what brings us together. This place is the only place left where I can still talk to people about what's going on with me and not be judged.

Sorry for what has brought you here. My main concern is my family as well. Mainly my parents. Other relatives will get over it.

I know. It's going to do some damage, but I am basically Chernobyl just sending out bullets in all directions that cause pain and suffering. If we don't contain the core now, it could spread toxicity for many years longer than grief lasts.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Thank you for the hug I need the support right now!

I just want to say that I'm not posting for sympathy like "ohhhh I've got it so bad right now if anyone deserves the sweet release of death it's me". I know that everyone here has it bad. It's what brings us together. This place is the only place left where I can still talk to people about what's going on with me and not be judged.

I know. It's going to do some damage, but I am basically Chernobyl just sending out bullets in all directions that cause pain and suffering. If we don't contain the core now, it could spread toxicity for many years longer than grief lasts.

It is of some comfort (Maybe a lot) that we are able to talk to others and not be judged or locked away for saying how we truly feel.
I feel like I'm about to have a meltdown if I am unable to end it soon. If I didn't have family to think about I would be long gone.
There is no reason for me to be on this planet ... just to suffer, praying for it to end.

 

[foxdie]

You're not alone in this struggle mon ami. We all feel this but at least here you're not alone

 

[Wayfaerer]

You should never feel obligated to live for anyone (except if you have children). When I decide that it's my time then they'll just have to deal with the aftermath. Life is a cruel bitch and everything is ultimately out of our control.