Venting I have spoken to my abuser today, and I'm feeling super suicidal

[burglarlydante]

I have spoken to my abuser (biological father) today and I'm feeling sucidal

I'm devastated and lost in paranoia and ocd thoughts, I never want to spoke to him again

He says he loves me but he have hurten me a lot

He abused me, his wife abused me, his family was abusive to me

I'm hurt and suicidal, not wanting to live anymore

His words hurts me, I know his love is not healthy to me and is abusive

But I still need him for no reason, I feel lost and numb, I feel like dying when talking to him and his family

I feel like ending my life this year, I fear about losing my loved ones to my depression, PTSD and OCD

I feel like he's going to take it all from me
That all that I lived was fake and I'm only a liar and wanting to take advantage of people

I feel lost and feeling like my abuse is fake cuz of what he says

I know it wasn't fake, but I wish it was

I still love him so much it hurts

I don't want to live with him and my anxiety is driving me insane

I hate loving him, I feel like dying everyday cuz of him and his family

Someone please help me not hurt myself again

I'm completely depressed and lost

Any help is appreciated and I'm sorry if the text is to confused, I'm having a terrible crisis rn

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you are in such a difficult place. It's not you're fault that you still care for him. It's bound to be a difficult thing to untangle yourself from- he is your father.

I suppose it's good that you have enough perspective to see how he and his family have hurt you. Still- it isn't always possible for us to completely cut ties. I had a friend in a similar position to you once. They had such a difficult relationship with their Dad but they still couldn't quite let go.

I hope you can take some time to just be kind to yourself. You did whatever it was you had to do. You're away from it and safe now- I hope. You can make a decision later about whether you need to cut ties. For now, you probably just need to give yourself breathing space because it was probably quite traumatic and a shock to go through all that. I'm sorry. God, I hate family drama.

 

[burglarlydante]

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you are in such a difficult place. It's not you're fault that you still care for him. It's bound to be a difficult thing to untangle yourself from- he is your father.

I suppose it's good that you have enough perspective to see how he and his family have hurt you. Still- it isn't always possible for us to completely cut ties. I had a friend in a similar position to you once. They had such a difficult relationship with their Dad but they still couldn't quite let go.

I hope you can take some time to just be kind to yourself. You did whatever it was you had to do. You're away from it and safe now- I hope. You can make a decision later about whether you need to cut ties. For now, you probably just need to give yourself breathing space because it was probably quite traumatic and a shock to go through all that. I'm sorry. God, I hate family drama.

I hope I can still have an happy life with the ones I love, even if my suicide schedule is kinda high, I still think I can go through this by myself and be happy someday somehow I still don't know yet. If it don't work, I'll kill myself and end all this pain

 

[venin]

I have spoken to my abuser (biological father) today and I'm feeling sucidal

I'm devastated and lost in paranoia and ocd thoughts, I never want to spoke to him again

He says he loves me but he have hurten me a lot

He abused me, his wife abused me, his family was abusive to me

I'm hurt and suicidal, not wanting to live anymore

His words hurts me, I know his love is not healthy to me and is abusive

But I still need him for no reason, I feel lost and numb, I feel like dying when talking to him and his family

I feel like ending my life this year, I fear about losing my loved ones to my depression, PTSD and OCD

I feel like he's going to take it all from me
That all that I lived was fake and I'm only a liar and wanting to take advantage of people

I feel lost and feeling like my abuse is fake cuz of what he says

I know it wasn't fake, but I wish it was

I still love him so much it hurts

I don't want to live with him and my anxiety is driving me insane

I hate loving him, I feel like dying everyday cuz of him and his family

Someone please help me not hurt myself again

I'm completely depressed and lost

Any help is appreciated and I'm sorry if the text is to confused, I'm having a terrible crisis rn

How can I help?

 

[burglarlydante]

How can I help?

Just a small talk can help me rn
As I'm feeling lonely and hopeless