I have no willpower to establish any kind of routine

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I live like a 14 year old. I do whatever I want, when I want. Yet I have no real interest in anything. I can't establish routines or "adult" at all. If something needs doing, I run out in my car quickly and get it done while all muddle-headed and brain-fogged, completely unequipped for what the real world throws at me. I am always fatigued and easily overwhelmed.

But beyond that, I never had any motivation to set healthy or positive habits. I feel so alone that I'm like "who cares what I do?" My life is totally inconsequential, and being this isolated means I have nobody else to be good for. Nobody sees me, or needs me for anything, so what's the point of trying?

How can a person improve when they don't love themselves enough to nurture themselves or do anything worthwhile?

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I could have written the first paragraph of your post. I'm starting to develop some routines that are what most people consider so basic as to be childish, i.e. making my bed everyday.

Part of the reason I have no routines is that I grew up in a chaotic household. My family's house was always filled with clutter, unkempt and maybe even a bit dirty. My mother lives much the same way today and I dread going to her home.

The fact that I am on disability makes my life both good and bad. It means I don't have to try and get somewhere everyday but it also means that I have no reason to get up and adult if I don't want to. I'm no good at deadlines and was constantly running behind on tasks at work. I was good enough that it was usually worth putting up with my shortcomings, but things got so bad in my 40s that I finally had to stop working.

I'm so lucky to have my husband who does almost everything around the house. I can't imagine how I would handle anything without him.

 

[eternalpeace]

I completely relate to this. I know I should try to have a healthier routine: go to bed and wake up at the same time, and have other set routines for things, if not for food and exercise, then at least the things that don't "trigger" my eating disorder, like laundry. Instead, my sleep cycle is all over the map, Im either eating everything in sight or nothing at all, I can't bring myself to plan for anything, and I only bother to do laundry once I'm completely out of underwear.

I keep the thinking of the old adage that you don't have to "feel" like doing something before you actually do it, and how they told us in therapy that replacing chaos with routine would reduce emotional vulnerability, but I cannot bring myself to do anything to change how I'm living. I've thought about it from time to time but that's as far as I have gotten.

Sorry I could not provide any answers. Just know that you are not alone in this.

 

[lostundead]

This is gonna sound like jordan peterson tier advice but whatever, it works for me. You always need to dangle a carrot on a stick in front of yourself to get things going. Best way to do that is by always seeing the bigger picture, like a skilled painter, in everything you're doing. For example when you're cleaning a small part of your room, where it can be easy to get demotivated if you don't see much progress happening, imagine the satisfaction you'll feel when your entire room is all clean and everything's in its right place.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

the satisfaction you'll feel

 

[OrcWitch]

I think it's best to not beat yourself up too badly if you lack discipline and whatever else.

and I only bother to do laundry once I'm completely out of underwear.

This is me pretty often. I procrastinate until I end up having to get groceries while going commando.