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throwaway877

New Member
Aug 16, 2025
4
Is anyone else in this situation? I am really suffering. My life has been on pause for awhile now. And I don't think time is going to make things better, I have lost literally everything in myself I liked. Everything. I now have zero redeeming qualities. And it's so obvious whenever I interact with anyone.

I lost my conversation. Now the only words that come out of my mouth during conversations is basically yes and no. Where as I used to have a creative energy about me and used to be a really strong talker. Now I can only talk if I'm complaining like now.

I lost my libido completely and I have no drive now what so ever. When I look at the opposite sex I feel nothing. And my penis is numb.

I feel no emotions what so ever. I am completely numb to everything. I feel no pleasure from doing anything

I have literally no interests or hobbies. The only thing I look forward to is sleeping on a night because for a time I don't have to feel anything. I tell a lie, the only thing I am not numb to is pain. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin twenty four seven and it's just misery all day every day. My body feels like my tomb.

My cognitive abilities have gone out the window
I used to be smarter than what I am now. Now my memory is awful and I have a hard time grasping information and learning since nothing sticks ever since I listened to the voices instructing me to spit on myself and basically repulse myself due to being in psychosis at the time. After the spitting it's like my brain went to mush. I know no one will believe me that it's possible to make yourself dumber by spitting on yourself but it literally happened to me.

I used to have autism. According to doctors. Finding it hard to speak to people. But now I can talk or be around anyone without anxiety ever since I changed. I feel absolutely nothing around anyone. No fear no anxiety no nothing. I know this might not sound like a bad thing but it really is because I feel like I have lost my identity.

I often wish I was born in the USA since I could just buy a gun and shoot myself. But I can't. Why did all of this happen to me. I'm not revealing how I got this way because the history is too long and complex but I often wonder if I am destined to suffer this way. And why. I don't feel like I'm learning anything from this state. It's awful
I just feel tormented all the time. It really does feel like hell. Does anyone know of any methods that are easy fast and pain free? I have literally no quality of life. Please, what would you do if you were in my position? I want to live.but I want to die at the same time. Life is so ridiculously hard.

Losing my energy or vibe as a person was also extremely difficult.
 
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itsgone2

Student
Sep 21, 2025
198
I just feel tormented all the time. It really does feel like hell. Does anyone know of any methods that are easy fast and pain free? I have literally no quality of life. Please, what would you do if you were in my position? I want to live.but I want to die at the same time. Life is so ridiculously hard.
I can say we're in the same place. I am numb to everything. I want to go so badly. But no, there's no easy way. I feel trapped. Many here do. I'm so sorry for your pain.
 
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UnrulyNightmare

UnrulyNightmare

Wanderer
Jul 3, 2024
386
Hey, I don't mean to be a pain in the ass. But did you consider therapy/meds? You said docs told you you have autism, but dunno if you're still seeing someone?

To me it sounds like really heavy depression and dissociation.
I'm only saying it because I know the dissociation from usual fears and anxiety. And you said you want to live as well.

I'm sorry you feel so bad all the time, that must be horrible, being so numb all the time ❤️🫂
 
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throwaway877

New Member
Aug 16, 2025
4
Hey, I don't mean to be a pain in the ass. But did you consider therapy/meds? You said docs told you you have autism, but dunno if you're still seeing someone?

To me it sounds like really heavy depression and dissociation.
I'm only saying it because I know the dissociation from usual fears and anxiety. And you said you want to live as well.

I'm sorry you feel so bad all the time, that must be horrible, being so numb all the time ❤️🫂
I really don't feel like those two treatment options resonate with me. The pain is deeper I feel than any pill or talking therapy could resolve. I essentially feel like I'm missing half of myself and everyday is the same. I've had depression in the past and it never felt like this. Thank you for your comment. It really is awful feeling numb all the time. I got this way due to a defensive mechanism in a social situation. I essentially turned off all my emotions through anxiety. It's an awful STATE of being this.
 
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Nightfoot

Specialist
Aug 7, 2025
357
Dying on purpose is very difficult and the thought of it is terrifying. Sorry you are suffering and I hope you can find peace.
 
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UnrulyNightmare

UnrulyNightmare

Wanderer
Jul 3, 2024
386
I really don't feel like those two treatment options resonate with me. The pain is deeper I feel than any pill or talking therapy could resolve. I essentially feel like I'm missing half of myself and everyday is the same. I've had depression in the past and it never felt like this. Thank you for your comment. It really is awful feeling numb all the time. I got this way due to a defensive mechanism in a social situation. I essentially turned off all my emotions through anxiety. It's an awful STATE of being this.
I hear you. I've had had completely numb periods and I still remember how thankful I was when I came out of em.

That's the weird thing, isn't it? It sounds like it's not too bad, being numb, like you're not really caring so it's fine, but it's really really horrible 🫂

I wouldn't know how exactly, but I think it would be possible it might get a bit better again too. For me it was being treated like a human and feeling a bit more safe.

How long have you been feeling like this?


And either way I'm happy to chat here if you want :)
 

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