Venting I have no idea what I’m posting / Suicide vs Recovery

[KleinerWolf]

I don't know which is "right" for me,

to think that I can die and make myself gone, all my problems disappear as if I never existed,
it's kinda mad!

to think that I'll live life and see what it's like 5 or 10 years from now,
not knowing if I'll be happy/sad, able to improve my situation or in decline,
it too frightens me.

I don't know wtf is going on anymore
and I never did know what is going on.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I don't know which is "right" for me,

to think that I can die and make myself gone, all my problems disappear as if I never existed,
it's kinda mad!

to think that I'll live life and see what it's like 5 or 10 years from now,
not knowing if I'll be happy/sad, able to improve my situation or in decline,
it too frightens me.

I don't know wtf is going on anymore
and I never did know what is going on.

the only advice I can offer is take it 1 day at a time. While you are trying to figure out where you are-don't worry about 5 or 10 years from now... 1 day at a time until you find comfort in where you want to be

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I don't know which is "right" for me,

to think that I can die and make myself gone, all my problems disappear as if I never existed,
it's kinda mad!

to think that I'll live life and see what it's like 5 or 10 years from now,
not knowing if I'll be happy/sad, able to improve my situation or in decline,
it too frightens me.

I don't know wtf is going on anymore
and I never did know what is going on.

Story of my life right here. I'm beginning to think I may have bipolar disorder because of it.

 

[CoalmineCanary]

to think that I'll live life and see what it's like 5 or 10 years from now,
not knowing if I'll be happy/sad, able to improve my situation or in decline,
it too frightens me.

Maybe you're curious? Could go either way. Cut your losses or something hopeful came up? Or hedging?

Being unsure if the future is worth the risk?

Least you're still curious?

 

[KleinerWolf]

One minute I was suicidal one minute I don't know how I feel,
One minute I wanted to delete this post lol.

I've changed so much.
slowly losing my mind.

This is really weird.

it must feel so stupid to drink the SN and think about how you told people you were gonna think about keeping yourself alive...

broken promises by me,
I can't be trusted.

 

[Deleted member 23374]

the only advice I can offer is take it 1 day at a time. While you are trying to figure out where you are-don't worry about 5 or 10 years from now... 1 day at a time until you find comfort in where you want to be

This.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

One minute I was suicidal one minute I don't know how I feel,
One minute I wanted to delete this post lol.

I've changed so much.
slowly losing my mind.

This is really weird.

it must feel so stupid to drink the SN and think about how you told people you were gonna think about keeping yourself alive...

broken promises by me,
I can't be trusted.

Don't beat yourself up... what you're feeling is more normal than you think.

 

[VivaldiBR]

Try not to think about the future (anxiety) or the past (depression). Focus only on the present time. It is the only thing left for us. I know this is a cliché but it is also true.

One minute I was suicidal one minute I don't know how I feel,
One minute I wanted to delete this post lol.

I've changed so much.
slowly losing my mind.

This is really weird.

it must feel so stupid to drink the SN and think about how you told people you were gonna think about keeping yourself alive...

broken promises by me,
I can't be trusted.

Feel the pain. Cry. Scream in the pillow. The emotions comes and goes. Its normal. :)

 

[KleinerWolf]

I know everyone is being helpful and all that.

the thing is I know where I am, I'm far from happy because of that.
I also don't have any emotions left the further I go.

I was not looking for advice because I don't intend to put anyone in that position.

if I'm being honest, I feel as if I'm already dead.

The title also made no sense.
Honestly I'm sorry guys,
I don't know what this is.
just one of those low-effort posts I suppose.
it's fine.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I can relate.

 

[Silvermorning]

I know everyone is being helpful and all that.

the thing is I know where I am, I'm far from happy because of that.
I also don't have any emotions left the further I go.

I was not looking for advice because I don't intend to put anyone in that position.

if I'm being honest, I feel as if I'm already dead.

The title also made no sense.
Honestly I'm sorry guys,
I don't know what this is.
just one of those low-effort posts I suppose.
it's fine.

I'm gonna be honest too. For some life just doesn't get better (for others do)
so best not to worry about the future. Just surviving everyday with ctb-ing constant thoughts ls a battle , but until that ultimate moment comes, I accommodate myself to the pain and try to enjoy the, tiny, littlest things. Its' only hope that keeps us moving on, life can turn around, for the better, for the worse; and even if hope is futile, it's all we have to put up with this war against Time.

Ours, is a battle against ourselves, our own demons. This old pain, in an uncaring, strange world. Not easy.

 

[CoalmineCanary]

Honestly I'm sorry guys,
I don't know what this is.

Maybe you're just being human. No need to apologize.

 

[VivaldiBR]

Don't worry. Post whatever you want. Its very good to share.

 

[KleinerWolf]

I'm gonna be honest too. For some life just doesn't get better (for others do)
so best not to worry about the future. Just surviving everyday with ctb-ing constant thoughts ls a battle , but until that ultimate moment comes, I accommodate myself to the pain and try to enjoy the, tiny, littlest things. Its' only hope that keeps us moving on, life can turn around, for the better, for the worse; and even if hope is futile, it's all we have to put up with this war against Time.

Ours, is a battle against ourselves, our own demons. This old pain, in an uncaring, strange world. Not easy.

Thank you guys,
And thank you silvermorning,

I could see a glimpse of myself in how you described your own experience,
It saddens me but I'm happy to see a glimpse of strength there somewhere.

what I'm gonna do with mine I have no idea
but i feel more connected to also hear your perspective.