Venting I have no direction in life

[Mynameisnotimportant]

In 2019 I was 100% that engineering was my career. I failed every single class. So I did my next semester at community college to get my head out of my ass. Failed all that too.

Worked at two pet stores, chain and local exotics. I LOVED it until the store took in a rescue tegu lizard I bonded with her and even Nicknamed her after my sister. She has a distinct burn mark on her foot and looked like she came from a rough situation. I thought I got her into a good home but she ended up on an online advertisement. Then I saw her at a competitors pet store. I even signed a waiver so I could hold her again. I'm taking her home if I run into her again. My heart just broke for her and although I personally was not at all responsible for her situation, I felt like the store I worked at was profiting odd impulse animal purchases. I also got fired for trying to stop disability discrimination lol.

I did pest control because I love insects and initially loved being able to be paid to bug hunt and collect specimens. I got pretty depressed. The job was 14 houses a day, same shit at every damn house. Most unrewarding job I've ever done. Very physically repetitive

I'm waiting to hear back from a technical college, thinking about doing welding.

I've got a small (30 insect species, 6 reptiles) reptile and insect breeding thing going on, haven't made any money. Its hard to make money in the animal industry if you only intentionally breed animals if you believe they will have higher than average quality of life for captive bred animals. (So no sulcatas, iguanas, guinea pigs, rats, mice, hamsters that are frequently better off unborn due to market surplus). It also doesn't help that I'm a dirty anti capitalist and set high business ethics.

I've been prescribed Adderall by multiple doctors and have found I only feel a difference if im doing sitting work, like school.

Currently unemployed. Spend all day slightly depressed listening to YouTube and playing the dumb mobile games with stupid ads. I guess I can't complain too much because I'm far from suicidal. I get the thoughts now and then but my logical brain knows that's not what I want and I can usually brush them away.

 

[Dragon's Heart]

Having no direction to expend your life energy into is indeed a tough situation seemingly born out of chaos. However, if I may point out, that this place also opens you to all directions at once but this can have an overwhelming feeling as well. For some, this is a gift that demands navigation and grounding. Should that go awry, always remember that "no direction" can be a place to center up and venture out again at your own will. No direction can be seen as a blessing for exploration of whatever your heart desires. It can help keep you from feeling locked in.

 

[Sherri]

You were fired for fighting disability discrimination? Isnt that illegal? You were fighting for a valid reason, lots of disabled people need that help. I can tell your a good person, you like animals, most times animals are better than dealing with people. They love you incondicional. I'm glad you are keeping your spirits high in the end of all this though. I wish I a had a pet store, the worst would be I wouldn't be able to sell any pets cause I would wanna keep them to myself. Hugs hun.

 

[jimmy7754]

I got two college degrees that are stupid. I wish I studied engineering.. I'd be a real boy by now.

 

[Grey-zoner]

I didn't graduate until 27, a Bachelor's in a degree which definitely doesn't pay. I should have just worked at some passable, minimum-wage job and saved up money--I'm living with my parents anyway. I can relate to the dilemma of being directionless; I obsess about it almost daily. It's kind of a low-level feeling of horror at how my life has passed.
Best wishes, and good luck with finding some purpose.