Venting I have never been more alone

[parnassius_mnemosyn]

I feel so disconnected to people and have throughout my whole life. Recently it has become worse though. I am on okay terms with everyone in my life, but they have all moved on and I am left isolated. I can't focus on anything and I always feel the same throughout the day. I barely feel time passing. Today I was looking back at the past 4 months and was surprised that it has almost been half a year, since I feel like I remember only a week at most. I have always felt lonely so consistently, but it has never been this bad.
Even in the time leading up to this isolation I would sometimes meet people randomly and we would talk and I would feel attached to them, but they always already have an extremely vibrant social life, filled with a crowd of people that I would have to compete for their time with if I were to enter their lives. I think it might be too late to find friends that will be there, everyone has already found the main people that they will spend their lives with.
I think since it was so easy for everyone to abandon me I have developed a sense of apathy as well, I can't really bring myself to seek out people anymore or trust anyone. People really just come and go and at the end of the day you are completely and utterly alone in life. Or at least I am. Everyone else my age doesn't seem it.

I feel really pathetic about all of this and I would really just like to leave it behind me. I try to push forward but I am running out of steam in a way that I have never experienced before. It is so much easier and more comforting to think about dying alone soon than continuing to live on alone, with only bad things in sight that you will have to face all on your own. I'm so tired

 

[Abort!]

Real.

I'm not sure what else to say, but you're certainly not alone in your feelings of solitude. I feel pretty similarly most of the time. Life is no fun when you're all alone. It triggers this kind of mammalian reflex in you that makes you question your entire existence. It's not always all our fault. Some people simply really do just get a dealt a rough hand, especially early on. Wrong enviornment, wrong timing, sometimes the wrong wiring. I hope you can find someone to keep you company soon. Good luck.

 

[parnassius_mnemosyn]

Real.

I'm not sure what else to say, but you're certainly not alone in your feelings of solitude. I feel pretty similarly most of the time. Life is no fun when you're all alone. It triggers this kind of mammalian reflex in you that makes you question your entire existence. It's not always all our fault. Some people simply really do just get a dealt a rough hand, especially early on. Wrong enviornment, wrong timing, sometimes the wrong wiring. I hope you can find someone to keep you company soon. Good luck.

It's sort of good to know that I am not a total freak for feeling this way, but it's mostly saddening that it's common among others. Thank you for your kind words, I wish you well. I hope life will finally show you some kindness and that you find someone as well, or that someone finds you