Story I have just hit my lowest point in life

[randomz]

So as some of you may know, I have been struggling with crippling anxiety and depression due to my job in the law sphere for the past couple of months. It's been hell for me, but I kept going because I thought I can make it through all the panick attacks.
I was a pain for all around me - basically lost all desire to live and being nervous by even the smallest things.
Two days ago I decided I am going to quit for good, but the thought of having no other option for a job or even interests in any particular matter just scared the shit out of me again so I stayed.
Today I woke up at 5 a.m having another nervous breakdown. Not because of anything that could be a huge problem but because of some tasks at work which I actually have done before. I don't know what happened.... If my girlfriend was not with me I would have CTB'ed.
My parents called (which they usually dont so early ij the morning) and I told them about what happened. They said they cant stand watching me like this anymore and they will take the neccessary steps. They picked me up and took me to their place and my mother went to talk to my boss about me leaving my iob. They know each other and have talked before about other issues and she was a teacher to his kids so it'sbnot that strange

I basically feel like shit and the worst I have felt ever. I feel so ashamed - I couldn't even quit my iob like a man, I am a worthless good for nothing sack of shit. And I think I might have ruined my life today.

I hope you guys are having a much better day than me.

 

[terry_a_davis]

Can you talk to your boss about why youre so stressed at work? Are you being overworked? What's the issue?

 

[Xunnsu]

So sorry to hear that. I was in a job like that too, that I just couldn't handle anymore. It was mostly my anxiety though, not as much my depression at the time. I made an excuse to have my hours cut at first. Then I was asked by my family to help with my grandparents in another state, so I gladly left. I was doing tech support over the phone. There were some reasons for the anxiety, but it often felt extreme and out of place. And so unrelenting. It makes you feel so weak and small...

 

[randomz]

So sorry to hear that. I was in a job like that too, that I just couldn't handle anymore. It was mostly my anxiety though, not as much my depression at the time. I made an excuse to have my hours cut at first. Then I was asked by my family to help with my grandparents in another state, so I gladly left. I was doing tech support over the phone. There were some reasons for the anxiety, but it often felt extreme and out of place. And so unrelenting. It makes you feel so weak and small...

That's precisely the way I feel. I am glad you moved on with your life.

Can you talk to your boss about why youre so stressed at work? Are you being overworked? What's the issue?

It's just unreasonable anxiety and maybe the fact that I don't enjoy what I do at all, I don't know. Even the smallest tasks feel overwhelming and stressfull and everything just piled up until I reached my breaking point.

 

[terry_a_davis]

Sounds tough. I've been in jobs i didn't like and it's horrible. Not through anxiety just mind numbing boringness. Could you arrange some leave or cut your hours?

 

[MotherOfCats]

I had uncontrollable anxiety in a job a few years ago. I'd just had my first complete mental breakdown and I think my mind just associated that place with pain. There was nothing else that was really that bad. After being on sick leave for 6 months, I kept trying to go back in but every time I would have the worst panic attacks. I quit in the end, moved back in with my parents for a few months and found a new job. Worked out much better for me, I mean I'm still Bipolar and still suffer a lot but the anxiety at least has gone.

 

[randomz]

I had uncontrollable anxiety in a job a few years ago. I'd just had my first complete mental breakdown and I think my mind just associated that place with pain. There was nothing else that was really that bad. After being on sick leave for 6 months, I kept trying to go back in but every time I would have the worst panic attacks. I quit in the end, moved back in with my parents for a few months and found a new job. Worked out much better for me, I mean I'm still Bipolar and still suffer a lot but the anxiety at least has gone.

I am so happy to hear things worked out for you the way they did. It gives me hope that it will be the same for me. I think I will be doing the same by finding a more simple job which does not have as much responsibilities and maybe even start studying something new, but that's just some wishful thinking. I will be home for a couple of days now and think if I could arrange my stuff

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Sounds like you need a change of job. I don't know, but sometimes we follow the wrong path and keep putting more and more into it and getting less and less out. Diminishing returns. That might mean you've backed the wrong horse. It could be a simple as getting a different job.

 

[MotherOfCats]

I am so happy to hear things worked out for you the way they did. It gives me hope that it will be the same for me. I think I will be doing the same by finding a more simple job which does not have as much responsibilities and maybe even start studying something new, but that's just some wishful thinking. I will be home for a couple of days now and think if I could arrange my stuff

I really hope a change of job and a bit of time to heal could change your situation. I don't want to come across as dishonest, things aren't great for me as I've just purchased the gear to CTB but changing job (although in the same profession) significantly decreased that debilitating anxiety.

 

[Epsilon0]

I had a breakdown at work many years ago. I simply collapsed from exhaustion and pain, and my co-workers called the embulance. I felt so ashamed and humiliated when I came to, I could not believe it happened to me.

The first couple of weeks after the incident I would just lie in bed and stress over my collapse and what everyone was thinking of me, and despise my own weakness and the embarassing show I had put on. In the end, I gave my notice, because I was very ill but also because I couldn't handle the thought of going back after everyone saw me come undone.


Guess what? When I look back on that now, I don't feel anything but compassion for myself. There is no shame or humiliation, no guilt, only understanding.

Besides I have seen so many meltdowns throughout my career: people cry at their desk, storm our of meetings, lose their cool in front of everybody, argue, throw stuff, quit and write angry mails.

It's fine! It's allright to break down. It's allright to not be strong. You're only human.

Be kind to yourself!

 

[BlackPoppet]

I was working for a famous British comedy club. It's now defunct.
I had to travel four hours to work , there and back. I wasn't sleeping and had to get up at 5:30 in the morning to start travelling at 7:30am. I had to travel from one part of London to the opposite end every day.
Eventually because of the lack of sleep and the stress of travelling so far, I began to act really strange at work. People started distancing themselves from me.
One day I couldn't go in, they sacked me by text. I was relieved but I had to get my week in lieu back and my wages for the last 4 weeks. I finally got my money.
The first day of that job, I started hearing voices. I wasn't sleeping then either. I went to the job interview with no sleep and my sisters wedding with no sleep... all before I started that job. I haven't been able to work or travel longdistance since. I had to be put on antipsychotic because of it all.

 

[itsamadworld]

I have had similar things happen to me with jobs in the past. Currently, I work in Health Care, and I really want to get out of it. I almost had a breakdown a few weeks back...I also work with the elderly (vulnerable adults) which sometimes I feel I can hardly take care of myself. I also worked at a Dental Clinic when i was 25- Worst, most back-stabbing people i ever met! I worked my ass off too....Nothing mattered...I did have a mental breakdown there, where I locked myself into the bathroom crying for hours until someone convinced me to get out....I think that's when I really started to dislike the system, and human nature in general and it was the turning point to where I said, i will never bring a child into this hell planet. I wish i lived in a simpler time when one could die young, and it was permissible to go up in the mountains and die, without some "think -they- do-gooder/pro-lifer brow-beating me"....I want to quit my job in June.. I have been saying this too, "I'm gonna quit tomorrow!" Then I chicken out...

 

[Letmego. Please]

@randomz

I'm so sorry you feel that way, it's the bloody depression telling you you've mucked up, you haven't, you are Not worthless, you are a great person who is struggling, please try to be kind to yourself

(((Hugs))