Venting I Have Great Difficulty Doing the Most Basic Things

[Daxter_87]

Without my parents, I'm screwed, which is why I'll be CTBing after their passing, if not before. It can take me up to two and a half hours or more just to finish each of the three daily meals, except for breakfast, which takes a little less. Admittedly, I can try to eat faster - sometimes I might even set a Guinness record of two hours! - but eventually I fall back into my slow-motion ways. And even if I don't, I have to be careful that I don't.

Besides, before this particular eating problem, there were other equally debilitating ones, such as, lest we forget, the issue of spending a whole morning or evening in the bathroom emptying my bladder over and over again. The obsession was that somehow I hadn't done it "just right" the last time because I was nervous, so I had to start all over again. Needless to say, this time-consuming process could, as I said, take an entire morning or evening; in fact, I sometimes missed meals because of it.

Now, people can say I'm making this up, or exaggerating, or whatever the fuck they want, but it doesn't change a damn thing. Nobody lives my life but me, and if I say it's absolute bullshit and I want to kill myself over it, then it is what it is, and I'll do what I want need to do.

I can't even write here or do anything like listen to music or play games without at least wearing in-ear earbuds, and if that's not enough to block out the noise, then good old earmuffs.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

i 100% relate to not being able to do basic tasks, shit literally required as long as you're a person. i h8 feeding myself, dressing myself, shopping, basic upkeep, engaging in convo/social norms, having to pretend to care abt things, etc. i have no1 to push me to do them nor do it for me, so in hopes that it'd help motivate me to kms, i stopped bothering completely (- the feeding myself part ofc, lol). unfortunately it hasn't worked.

as for the obsession w 'just right' & the moving in slo mo feeling, kinda sounds like OCD + depression. do u have a diagnosis (of anything)??

 

[dynastickitten]

Without my parents, I'm screwed, which is why I'll be CTBing after their passing, if not before. It can take me up to two and a half hours or more just to finish each of the three daily meals, except for breakfast, which takes a little less. Admittedly, I can try to eat faster - sometimes I might even set a Guinness record of two hours! - but eventually I fall back into my slow-motion ways. And even if I don't, I have to be careful that I don't.

Besides, before this particular eating problem, there were other equally debilitating ones, such as, lest we forget, the issue of spending a whole morning or evening in the bathroom emptying my bladder over and over again. The obsession was that somehow I hadn't done it "just right" the last time because I was nervous, so I had to start all over again. Needless to say, this time-consuming process could, as I said, take an entire morning or evening; in fact, I sometimes missed meals because of it.

Now, people can say I'm making this up, or exaggerating, or whatever the fuck they want, but it doesn't change a damn thing. Nobody lives my life but me, and if I say it's absolute bullshit and I want to kill myself over it, then it is what it is, and I'll do what I want need to do.

I can't even write here or do anything like listen to music or play games without at least wearing in-ear earbuds, and if that's not enough to block out the noise, then good old earmuffs.

Do you have OCD? This sounds a lot like OCD
In my

i 100% relate to not being able to do basic tasks, shit literally required as long as you're a person. i h8 feeding myself, dressing myself, shopping, basic upkeep, engaging in convo/social norms, having to pretend to care abt things, etc. i have no1 to push me to do them nor do it for me, so in hopes that it'd help motivate me to kms, i stopped bothering completely (- the feeding myself part ofc, lol). unfortunately it hasn't worked.

as for the obsession w 'just right' & the moving in slo mo feeling, kinda sounds like OCD + depression. do u have a diagnosis (of anything)??

In my experience, stopping those things doesn't make the end faster, it just makes it more miserable

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really torturous and dreadful what you go through, I hope that you eventually find peace from your suffering, best wishes.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

in my experience, stopping those things doesn't make the end faster, it just makes it more miserable

yeah, unfortunately that seems to be the casei still have 2 weeks before i need to be dead & i'm hoping i'll start kicking into overdrive or smthg, lol.

i really just need a gun :// stupid involuntary hospitalizations.

 

[dynastickitten]

yeah, unfortunately that seems to be the casei still have 2 weeks before i need to be dead & i'm hoping i'll start kicking into overdrive or smthg, lol.

i really just need a gun :// stupid involuntary hospitalizations.

Involuntary hospitalizations? Are you chronically ill? Or did you get got for mental health reasons?

 

[hikikomorizombie]

Involuntary hospitalizations? Are you chronically ill? Or did you get got for mental health reasons?

2nd one, + mom who told the psych nurses behind my back that she didn't feel comfortable w me @ home, so they legally couldn't release me :| now i can never get a gun.

 

[dynastickitten]

2nd one, + mom who told the psych nurses behind my back that she didn't feel comfortable w me @ home, so they legally couldn't release me :| now i can never get a gun.

Not the loony bin I'm sorry. But hey, you're out now! And with unsupervised internet access!

 

[Daxter_87]

as for the obsession w 'just right' & the moving in slo mo feeling, kinda sounds like OCD + depression. do u have a diagnosis (of anything)??

Do you have OCD? This sounds a lot like OCD

Thank you very much for your replies. Regarding the question, yes, I do have OCD, along with misophonia/sensitivity to noise - hence the headphones thing - and tics. There's also some other "less relevant" stuff like selective mutism, which in my case means I don't communicate verbally with my immediate family, I write them notes instead. It's not the biggest issue that drives me over the edge, of course, but it's not helpful either.

Anyway, I'm sick of life, and it's getting worse and worse with every passing year - duh, that's the pattern of life! Maybe this will be the last one... It would be the wisest, most rational and logical course of action, as I believe that the scraps of pleasure we get between wars are just fool's gold. The problem is that assisted suicide is illegal because society is a bunch of backward troglodytes, so I have to do it myself, which is extremely difficult.