I feel such relief having everything I need to go in place now, almost like I should keep going, but I know I will just be preventing the inevitable. Apart of me felt like maybe I should try to get a job and integrate back into society to cure my boredom, but I know it will just turn into another mundane routine and I'll end up hating life again. There is no permanent relief. My story:
I am 24 years old, I had everything going for me, but my bipolar mania got out of control, I started abusing adderall and went into a psychosis, I reckless drove and did some really embarrassing stuff in the psychosis I lost my great paying job, all of my friends, a guy I was in love with, and now everyone thinks I am crazy/insane. I lost my license from two DUIs and have been trapped in my house at my parents with terrible PTSD and social anxiety from it all and my anxiety gets worse and worse everyday, especially now that I can't drive anywhere to escape. Before all of this, I was depressed but I hid it well and distracted myself with drugs and alcohol, I've tried going back to school, I was a singer and loved music, but the severity of my mental illness along with bulimia and a mixture of other eating disorders have really destroyed my life. I've experienced a good amount of life and never felt more at peace with my decision to leave, whenever I think about trying to continue I am faced with severe anxiety that leaves me crippled, I wish to rest, and amongst all the crazy and wonderful experiences I've had, the thought of nonexistence and not living this life anymore brings me the greatest amount of peace.
I am 24 years old, I had everything going for me, but my bipolar mania got out of control, I started abusing adderall and went into a psychosis, I reckless drove and did some really embarrassing stuff in the psychosis I lost my great paying job, all of my friends, a guy I was in love with, and now everyone thinks I am crazy/insane. I lost my license from two DUIs and have been trapped in my house at my parents with terrible PTSD and social anxiety from it all and my anxiety gets worse and worse everyday, especially now that I can't drive anywhere to escape. Before all of this, I was depressed but I hid it well and distracted myself with drugs and alcohol, I've tried going back to school, I was a singer and loved music, but the severity of my mental illness along with bulimia and a mixture of other eating disorders have really destroyed my life. I've experienced a good amount of life and never felt more at peace with my decision to leave, whenever I think about trying to continue I am faced with severe anxiety that leaves me crippled, I wish to rest, and amongst all the crazy and wonderful experiences I've had, the thought of nonexistence and not living this life anymore brings me the greatest amount of peace.
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