Una
Write something, even if it’s just a suicide note.
- Feb 28, 2020
- 87
Dear all,
I hope it is OK to address you in this manner. I apologise if it is not.
I am new here. New member, but an old lurker. It was during one of those sleepless, silvery nights, some months ago, when I first stumbled upon this forum. My first thought was; '… this is not real' and was about to click away when an avatar caught my eye. I remember staring at it in disbelief. It was an image of a poet I have read in my youth. In an old, beautiful language, only those that grew with it, (and from it), would know. I kept on coming back to the forum but have never seen the same avatar again. More than two decades have passed since I have used that language … perhaps I have dreamed it all.
But the reason for this first post is not to lament about poets from obscure parts of the world, or the sorrows of linguistic exile, but rather to thank you all for your humanity. I think this the right word for it. Because of you; those that made the forum possible, and above all those that make it alive, by writing and posting … endless variants of human conditions have been given a voice. Maybe small, maybe anonymous, but voice nevertheless. Like a virtual wall of humanity where all that makes us humans have been allowed to leave a print. As is. To testify that being a human always includes the ability, and sometimes a willingness, to end your own existence. Calmly or less calmly. That is the matter of individual circumstances. But no amount of denial could change the fact that each and every one of us, whether aware or not, comes fully equipped with the ability to depart at any time, until, somewhat ironically, death takes it away from us … but of course at that point 'we' are no longer 'us' as we have known ourselves. Ancient Stoics understood that intimately, as have some others throughout history. It is hard to comprehend, not just cognitively, but, most importantly, in one's the human heart. True understanding comes from heart … which is why the heart goes last. At least I think so.
Anyway, I am digressing … this is because I love words. And because there is no one to give them to … as grief is the love with nowhere to go, words are the thoughts with no one to hear them. The true otherness comes not so much from being alone but rather from never being truly seen. As humans, we reflect in each other. When one's reality is not reflected back … one truly is dead in all the aspects but mechanical. I think this is why the medical/psychiatric profession calls those who, like myself, still perform life's essential tasks – functional. I once responded to that by observing that 'only robots are as good as functional ….' No response was uttered, nor did I expect one. By that time, I have learned. Tragically … it was far too late. But that is the story for another time.
In any case … I did not mean to write the post this long, and I am sorry if it is too long for the first post. I just really wanted to say 'hi' and 'thank you all' … I mean really – 'thank you!'
I hope it is OK to address you in this manner. I apologise if it is not.
I am new here. New member, but an old lurker. It was during one of those sleepless, silvery nights, some months ago, when I first stumbled upon this forum. My first thought was; '… this is not real' and was about to click away when an avatar caught my eye. I remember staring at it in disbelief. It was an image of a poet I have read in my youth. In an old, beautiful language, only those that grew with it, (and from it), would know. I kept on coming back to the forum but have never seen the same avatar again. More than two decades have passed since I have used that language … perhaps I have dreamed it all.
But the reason for this first post is not to lament about poets from obscure parts of the world, or the sorrows of linguistic exile, but rather to thank you all for your humanity. I think this the right word for it. Because of you; those that made the forum possible, and above all those that make it alive, by writing and posting … endless variants of human conditions have been given a voice. Maybe small, maybe anonymous, but voice nevertheless. Like a virtual wall of humanity where all that makes us humans have been allowed to leave a print. As is. To testify that being a human always includes the ability, and sometimes a willingness, to end your own existence. Calmly or less calmly. That is the matter of individual circumstances. But no amount of denial could change the fact that each and every one of us, whether aware or not, comes fully equipped with the ability to depart at any time, until, somewhat ironically, death takes it away from us … but of course at that point 'we' are no longer 'us' as we have known ourselves. Ancient Stoics understood that intimately, as have some others throughout history. It is hard to comprehend, not just cognitively, but, most importantly, in one's the human heart. True understanding comes from heart … which is why the heart goes last. At least I think so.
Anyway, I am digressing … this is because I love words. And because there is no one to give them to … as grief is the love with nowhere to go, words are the thoughts with no one to hear them. The true otherness comes not so much from being alone but rather from never being truly seen. As humans, we reflect in each other. When one's reality is not reflected back … one truly is dead in all the aspects but mechanical. I think this is why the medical/psychiatric profession calls those who, like myself, still perform life's essential tasks – functional. I once responded to that by observing that 'only robots are as good as functional ….' No response was uttered, nor did I expect one. By that time, I have learned. Tragically … it was far too late. But that is the story for another time.
In any case … I did not mean to write the post this long, and I am sorry if it is too long for the first post. I just really wanted to say 'hi' and 'thank you all' … I mean really – 'thank you!'
