Hope it is okay to ask you some questions in case they are supportive. My background is terrible depression for ovr twenty years, but I'm currently off my tits on weed..and feeling inspired:
Here are my questions for you?
a) How long has it been that you hav felt this way? (months/years)
b) If you want to, what are your reasons? Was there a cause or is it general misery?
c) If it's depression, how many medications have you tried? Have you tried psychedelics?
d) Have you been to psyh ward before? Would it help you? Do you like being on psych ward? Or do you want to stay safe and get some extra Benzos so you feel calmer for a bit? (psych ward has benzos)..
I've been to Psych Ward four times this year. I liked it for meeting the other inmates. It does keep you safer from CTB and the psychiatrists are annoying. But maybe could help you. You will get Benzos to calm you down so that is a plus if you want Clonzepam!
Do you feel calm enough to make any decisions or would you be better off having a benzo holiday in psych ward and then getting some clear thinking on the topic? When I feel suicidal, which is most days, all day unlss I am on weed or something else, I feel panic constantly and find it really hard to think....
BTW in the UK you can call the Samaritans and talk honestly about CTB. I do it a lot just to help me get through teh day. 116 123