Venting I have 0 motivation for anything

[hellogoodbye999]

I tell myself that I'll at least try to change my life for the better and become a better person, but I just have zero motivation for anything. I just make up excuses for why I don't do anything and just rot at home. I've felt like this ever since I was really young like 11 years old, CTB would cross my mind then too.

I never asked to be born, i never said i wanted to live, i didn't ask for the responsibilities of life and yet it's all been thrown on to me. I wish I never existed.

The only reason why I'm still thinking about going through with my plan is because i haven't really tried to give life a shot, I'll try for a few weeks then give up and I'm a bit scared of death.

Does anyone else feel like this

 

[Forever Sleep]

I definitely feel like this now. I suppose I'm lucky in as much that it's hit later in life for me- I'm 45. When I was younger, I did have more motivation. Partly because my main motivator- being creative, developed as a coping mechanism.

But yes- if I don't have very specific responsibilities and deadlines, I will bed rot and play games all day- quite happily too. I suspect I could be content being NEET now.

I feel the same (maybe) resentment as you in that I'm very displeased I was born and am now expected to pay for a life I don't actually want.

But then, I find it hard to shake off the strong work ethic I was raised with too. So- I don't feel like I can just stop supporting myself. Plus, my family would give me so much shit if I did that. But, that creates a great deal of resentment inside.

I am a believer that you don't know for sure you'll hate something until you try it for yourself. So- in your case, it does make sense to me that maybe you could try a few things before deciding definitely, it isn't for you.

My personal experience is that life is a bunch of compromises though. In all honesty, even things I held out so much hope for had difficult patches or complicated consequences. Rarely was anything all entirely good.

So in my case- that's another element. I'm sick of the compromises. I'm tired of the whole- you have to expect and accept the shit as part of the whole deal. So many times in life I've heard the phrase: It's something we all have to do (accept and comply with). Be that- work related, domestic chore related, family related.

All of it just triggers me to want to say: 'I don't actually strictly need to remain alive! So- all that other shit is optional too!' It just has negative consequences sometimes. Which tends to make life feel shit overall- the whole: damned if we do, damned if we don't thing.

I suppose though- being older, I feel like I have tried a lot of what life has to offer. So, I feel more confident in my decision maybe.

I hope you do find something positive to bring you hope and motivation though. if you choose to live, life is so much easier with those things I've found. It's like an uphill struggle but with a rope at least to haul yourself up with. Good luck.

 

[Spite]

Yes I am feeling this a lot as of late, just no motivation or drive to do anything. I dread everything - having to go to work, having to do chores, having to be at certain places at certain times. I don't even have any motivation to do the things that I used to enjoy like making art and listening to music. How sad is that? I can't even find it in me to do something as simple as listening to music for goodness sake. It has gotten to the point where sleep has become enticing to me, like I actually enjoy being asleep and I look forward to sleeping. When I'm at my job I spend a lot of my time daydreaming about coming home and having a nap. It'd be nice if I could just sleep my life away.

And you're right we never asked to exist. The very least they could give us is the option to opt out and "quit the game" whenever we want. I want to quit. I wish I could but it's not as easy as it sounds.