Venting I hate working.

[StupidLizard]

I'm not lazy.
I'm not against the concept of working in its entirety.
But working, man, does it drain me. I feel silly for complaining about it. I work very part time. Yet, I just can't do it. Something about revolving my life around a work schedule, and when I am off of work, it stays in the back of my mind. I'm anxious and nervous about going back. The thoughts ruin the days I have off.
I work ten hours per day, three days a week. I can do the work. I can wake up early, and tolerate the socialization - all for $10/hr.
Its nice to have a small consistent income besides my side hustle.
But it completely puts me into a totally different frame of mind.

I hate it. I hate working. I hate my co-workers, I hate the fabricated kindness, I hate the "How are you's" and "Good's", I hate stifling the fake laughter in response to a customer's remark, I hate the social-yet-falsified-social environment. I hate the anxiety it brings me. The pit in my stomach. I hate the drive there and back. The constant looking at the clock and day countdown, only to repeat the same shit the following week.

I realize most have it worse than me. 30/hrs a week - big shit, right? Some people work two jobs with 40+ hours. I have a friend that works his ass off yet I can barely get by with a part time job.

I guess the self-hate associated with being unable to do the bare minimum is among the worst.

 

[WornOutLife]

Throughout my life, I've had about 10 different jobs.

I hated them. I felt bullied, cried everyday, was treated like a slave and the payouts were terrible.

I never lasted more than one month anywhere.

Then, I found out my place in the world: teaching.

Now, sure, my depression makes working really hard but if you really love what you do, it's easier.

My point is, maybe, you should try to find your passion.

I have a friend who hasn't finised high school but started watching programming videos on YouTube and is now a well-paid freelance programmer!

Best of luck and I hooe you can feel better!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[StupidLizard]

Throughout my life, I had about 10 different jobs.

I hated them. I felt bullied, cried everyday, was treated like a slave and the payouts were terrible.

I never lasted more than one month anywhere.

Then, I found out my place in the world: teaching.

Now, sure, my depression makes working really hard but if you really love what you do, it's easier.

My point is, maybe, you should try to find your passion.

I have a friend who hasn't finised high school but started watching programming videos on YouTube and is now a well-paid freelance programmer!

Best of luck and I hooe you can feel better!

Hugs,

Matt

Matt,

I want to say, I have not visited SS since November of last year.
I came back to vent, and browse previous threads. Every response I have seen from you, has been so genuine and comforting.
You are an authentic person. I hope you find peace and happiness, wherever that may be.

I appreciate your words and response. I do have a passion, thankfully, its why I am not dead yet. Haha.
But for now, I am doing small jobs, to 'get by'. And it has been miserable.

Thank you for your reply.

 

[TooConscious]

I could never get it off my mind whilst me a disabled individual, mentally and physically slightly difformed leading to weakness brittle bones, weaker muscles, easily fatigued was busting my arse getting up on 4 hours sleep to go and mix cement, move blocks, bricks for 8 hours a day.
Whilst able bodied scum sit in parents box room pretending to be depressed because they didn't get the Christmas gift they wanted one year.
Or wonder why they're depressed when they eat shit, sleep all day or up ENJOYING video games or whatever all night, say anxiety is excuse to treat others badly.

Or scum who have had alot of advatages in life claiming disability and are aggressive so the social workers fear them and give them max money, they work or drug deal on top of it.

Its the sick system it's all corrupt. You cry when you realize what you've truly been through.

Me who never had a single bone thrown my way from the universe tried my best to get on with it and got destroyed for it losing my integrity so I now hate myself, whilst scum thrive and still cry when they are getting their arses wiped. This isn't a world for kindness, or pay off. This is the suffering realm, lies injustice pettiness everywhere no good on this fucking cruel place

 

[heretogethelp]

i want to get a job in the charity sector, can't stand working for capitalism :(

 

[Amumu]

If I didn't work, I would be even more suicidal since I would think about the meaningless of life all the time.
Work is a distraction from the meaningless of life (see for instance Blaise Pascal)
Ask yourself the question : what would you do if you didn't work instead?

 

[fishtacos4me]

I hear you. I hate working. I'm so sick and tired of working. The constant need for an infinite number of dollars. Everything revolves around making money. I've been working since I was 8 years old - 43 years now - and I'm so tired.

These days I'm a relationship coach with my own practice and I can't keep up with all the paperwork, tax crap, reports to the secretary of state, etc. I work 6 days a week at it.
. . . and talk about fake socialization and fabrication! I have to sound calm and collected and so glad to speak to these people. I have to carefully normalize good social skills into people are who resistant to them. This morning I worked with a commitment phobe who wants to break up with a woman because she followed him on Twitter and that's just getting TOO close for him. His plan right now is to ghost her and hope that she accurately guesses why he's doing it.
I get it, he has issues, it's just that I have so many of my own that I'm finding it harder and harder to fabricate what I need to fabricate in order to do this work.

... and it's not enough. I mean 6 days a week with this isn't making enough money. I got a second job that I am starting next week. I'm going to be working with seniors. As I understand it,, I will just visit with them in their home and do simple activities such as talking, playing a game, taking a short walk, etc while checking on their welfare - like does it look like they are eating okay, bathing, etc. For some, I might be preparing a meal or taking them to a doctor's appointment.

So I already couldn't keep up with my practice, and now with this additional work, well I just don't know what's gonna happen.

. . . and since I already know this new job doesn't pay all that well, I already know that I still won't be making enough money. Two jobs and working my ass off and it still won't be enough. I'm so tired of this pressure and a few days ago I found out I need oral surgery that my insurance won't cover - not a dime. So I'm gonna need to pay for that somehow.
I feel like I'm only alive to get money from one source and pass it to another. I'm some sort of money pump. My purpose on the the Earth is just to work and move that money no matter how I feel, no matter how bad it hurts, no matter what. I'm treated like a machine and I'm starting to feel like one.

 

[CloseTheBook]

I'm not lazy.
I'm not against the concept of working in its entirety.
But working, man, does it drain me. I feel silly for complaining about it. I work very part time. Yet, I just can't do it. Something about revolving my life around a work schedule, and when I am off of work, it stays in the back of my mind. I'm anxious and nervous about going back. The thoughts ruin the days I have off.
I work ten hours per day, three days a week. I can do the work. I can wake up early, and tolerate the socialization - all for $10/hr.
Its nice to have a small consistent income besides my side hustle.
But it completely puts me into a totally different frame of mind.

I hate it. I hate working. I hate my co-workers, I hate the fabricated kindness, I hate the "How are you's" and "Good's", I hate stifling the fake laughter in response to a customer's remark, I hate the social-yet-falsified-social environment. I hate the anxiety it brings me. The pit in my stomach. I hate the drive there and back. The constant looking at the clock and day countdown, only to repeat the same shit the following week.

I realize most have it worse than me. 30/hrs a week - big shit, right? Some people work two jobs with 40+ hours. I have a friend that works his ass off yet I can barely get by with a part time job.

I guess the self-hate associated with being unable to do the bare minimum is among the worst.

I've never related to a post more... I HATE my drive to and from work. As I get closer, I feel more dread and anxiety. The fake conversations are the worst and my social anxiety soars through the roof whilst I'm there.

 

[kovkay]

I had two jobs like that. It was awful. I know the state you talk about - the counting down of the hours, and not being able to enjoy your time off because you're anticipating going back to hell. It's tough, to say the least.

I'm working now at a job that was basically sent to me from God. It's part time and I work with a person who is quite similar to me in terms of work ethic. We push each other to do the best we can and our superiors constantly tell us to relax, to work slower, to take it easy. It makes quite a difference when you aren't abused at your workplace and are treated like a person.

 

[StupidLizard]

@TooConscious
I agree with you entirely, especially this bit.

Or wonder why they're depressed when they eat shit, sleep all day or up ENJOYING video games or whatever all night,

Absolutely. I think the vast majority would be depressed if they never left the house, have backwards sleep schedules, ate absolute garbage and consume media as the only source of personal gratification. You are completely correct. Going outside in the natural sunlight, eating well, having good hygiene, taking care of yourself and having a set routine (even if is a loose routine - but a routine nonetheless) can truly ease the symptoms of depression.
Its even worse when those same people fire back, "Well, going outside isn't going to cure my depression, its a chemical imbalance, nothing I do will fix it." On and on. It is bullocks. Improving your quality of life will have a direct effect on your mental state.
It is the equivalent of taking an animal and placing it in a box with minimal psychological stimuli. Of course that animal is eventually going to go insane.

@fishtacos4me
Thank you for sharing your story here with us. Your last sentence hit me. Not only are you treated like a machine, but you feel yourself becoming one - and are consciously aware of it.
I find it incredibly sad that you spend your life trying to fix others, yet you seem to need the improvement more than anyone else. I wish I could give you a hug. You seem to be a well meaning, intelligent and honest individual.

My first thought while reading your post, was 'break the cycle.' Is there anything you can do to try to alleviate your situation?

• Ouroborus: a circular symbol depicting a snake, swallowing its tail, as an emblem of wholeness or infinity.

We are the snake in this case, swallowing ourselves in endless return. Never quite getting to the point of satisfaction, just repeating our day to day lives for the benefit of others - our 'higher ups.'

@_iwtd It makes me happy to hear that you relate strongly to this post. I hastily wrote it out in frustration and to read that someone can resonate with my situation makes me feel good.

I HATE my drive to and from work. As I get closer, I feel more dread and anxiety.

This is exactly how I felt driving to work today. The awful feeling that travels down from my chest and into my stomach. The unease. The dizziness. I hate it.

and my social anxiety soars through the roof whilst I'm there.

I understand this. I used to be the same way. I will note, once I am there and get into the flow of things, work gets a bit more tolerant. I tend to go on 'autopilot mode' and I handle social situations well. If you asked me to do the same five years ago, I wouldn't know what to do. I suppose it improved over time. Hopefully the same can be said for you and you eventually are able to handle those dreaded forced social circumstances. Besides, no one really cares what you say when they ask "how are you?", no one wants to hear the real answer. Its all a fabrication, a predictable act.

You just need to be a good actor; not good at socializing.

@kovkay

know the state you talk about - the counting down of the hours, and not being able to enjoy your time off because you're anticipating going back to hell.

For better or worse, you completely understand this. Its frustrating and dreadful. It is even worse if I know I have particular stressful tasks that I need to complete the day(s) I return to work, and that is all I can think about the time leading up to it.

I'm working now at a job that was basically sent to me from God. It's part time and I work with a person who is quite similar to me in terms of work ethic.

This makes me so happy to read. I am glad you finally found an excellent fit for yourself and your co-worker. It sounds you found a great niche to sustain yourself. I hope it lasts for many years to come, and kudos!

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Me too i don't want to go back to work.

 

[heretogethelp]

When the alternative is doing a masters and writing a 10,000 word + dissertation, then doing a job seems better :(

 

[meetapple]

When the alternative is doing a masters and writing a 10,000 word + dissertation, then doing a job seems better :(

Strangely enough I might prefer the dissertation. I guess I just fear the real world.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I hate working too. Luckily I'm quitting after the holidays are over because I'm just a seasonal employee. I use to work as a slave In a warehouse however I quit there was incredibly depressing. Working does keep me occupied however it's draining me already 30 hours a week is enough for me. I can't do 40 in retail. Especially with my trauma responses to people, lack of social skills, possibly selectively mute. I shouldn't be working on the register however I'll tolerate it another 5 weeks and then I'm done. I'll have enough saved for CTB attempt in February

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate the idea of working. It is just being a slave to the society. Jobs can be very stressful and can send many people into despair. I think sleeping all day sounds better.

 

[yive]

i despise work. i've never worked, and i'm not going to work a single day in my life, NO WAY. we owe nothing to this shitty world. fuck work!