I hate working in software

[suffering]

I used to love anything software related when I was younger. It was not so widespread as it is today, it gave me a sense of uniqueness, fulfillment, mastery. I was pretty good at it and very passionate as well, giving me the confidence that no matter what happens, I can always find a good paying job or make it in the world somehow. I was young, idealistic, confident (on the edge of arrogance sometimes), workaholic even, but never in a power-hungry way.
Fast forward many years ahead, one is expected to always know the latest 1000 frameworks/platforms/languages/whatever, be payed little, taxed to hell, play office politics, obey some asshole who enjoys climbing the corporate ladder and not to mention never work on something meaningful anyway because almost nothing has meaning and also everything is evil. And of course there is always some guy who is 10 years younger than you, smarter than you and hungrier than you who is willing to work far more than you do for way less pay than you do.
If I search for jobs in IT now, everything is the same: be a master ('manager' of some sorts, where you need sociopathy as the main trait) or a slave (engineer, etc, where obedience is the main trait, they even write in the job description 'no ego'). I do not fit anywhere on the master-slave spectrum, I do not enjoy being bossed around nor do I enjoy bossing others around. The loner type never fits anywhere.
I tried to escape this world once (a la Office Space, where the protagonist quits his office job to go to work in construction, although my situation was different) and things were even worse. At least in the corporate world there is some veil of diplomacy, in the 'real' world it feels like violence might erupt at any time and you must always keep your guard up/have street smarts/ act like an asshole.
My confidence and sense of autonomy are almost completely gone. They feel so far gone that the image of my younger self feels surreal. What kept me so wide eyed and confident back then? I sometimes think it was the fact that I didn't know how this world works (that it's mostly based on manipulation). Other times I doubt my own thinking abilities when it comes to technology. Maybe I was never that good, maybe I was just an average person who had a bit of ambition and who got more proficient than others because I was a loner. Maybe it's a little bit of both.
What I know is that it hurts like hell to feel like you have no power over your life, over the surrounding environment. Some people are power driver or money driven. I am freedom-driven. I just want to be free.

 

[grungeCat]

I'm sorry you have such a bad experience with your job. Yet I understand your choice of profession because my biggest dream was to be an IT engineer ;) Programming used to be my passion, I was especially interested in writing emulators (wrote SuperChip8 and partially NES emulator!), low-level programming and I was always obsessed with computer viruses :D My dream job was pentester or computer malware analyst. Now everything doesn't matter for me anymore. There's nothing I dream about but suicide.

 

[suffering]

I'm sorry you have such a bad experience with your job. Yet I understand your choice of profession because my biggest dream was to be an IT engineer ;) Programming used to be my passion, I was especially interested in writing emulators (wrote SuperChip8 and partially NES emulator!), low-level programming and I was always obsessed with computer viruses :D My dream job was pentester or computer malware analyst. Now everything doesn't matter for me anymore. There's nothing I dream about but suicide.

That's amazing work! I loved the NES emulator, always enjoyed playing old games!
Yes, suicide is on my mind as well. However, I don't think I'll ever be able to overcome my SI, so I'm still looking for ways to still earn a living somehow :(

 

[LittleJem]

I'm personally being bullied working for a religious organisation. I used to believe in the leadership of it, and now I hate them. I am so disillusioned.

The only benefit to be being treated like that working in software is that you will get paid more money.
What about going for a role in management? There are books on how to be a manager that could be helpful. You don't need to be one of the bad ones.
or you could maybe do what people I know did - contracting - then travelling the rest of the time? I don't know if that is still possible these days...

 

[nigelhernandez]

You work in software huh? Do you know anything about parameters in Java? What are they and how do they work.

 

[Final Escape]

I used to love anything software related when I was younger. It was not so widespread as it is today, it gave me a sense of uniqueness, fulfillment, mastery. I was pretty good at it and very passionate as well, giving me the confidence that no matter what happens, I can always find a good paying job or make it in the world somehow. I was young, idealistic, confident (on the edge of arrogance sometimes), workaholic even, but never in a power-hungry way.
Fast forward many years ahead, one is expected to always know the latest 1000 frameworks/platforms/languages/whatever, be payed little, taxed to hell, play office politics, obey some asshole who enjoys climbing the corporate ladder and not to mention never work on something meaningful anyway because almost nothing has meaning and also everything is evil. And of course there is always some guy who is 10 years younger than you, smarter than you and hungrier than you who is willing to work far more than you do for way less pay than you do.
If I search for jobs in IT now, everything is the same: be a master ('manager' of some sorts, where you need sociopathy as the main trait) or a slave (engineer, etc, where obedience is the main trait, they even write in the job description 'no ego'). I do not fit anywhere on the master-slave spectrum, I do not enjoy being bossed around nor do I enjoy bossing others around. The loner type never fits anywhere.
I tried to escape this world once (a la Office Space, where the protagonist quits his office job to go to work in construction, although my situation was different) and things were even worse. At least in the corporate world there is some veil of diplomacy, in the 'real' world it feels like violence might erupt at any time and you must always keep your guard up/have street smarts/ act like an asshole.
My confidence and sense of autonomy are almost completely gone. They feel so far gone that the image of my younger self feels surreal. What kept me so wide eyed and confident back then? I sometimes think it was the fact that I didn't know how this world works (that it's mostly based on manipulation). Other times I doubt my own thinking abilities when it comes to technology. Maybe I was never that good, maybe I was just an average person who had a bit of ambition and who got more proficient than others because I was a loner. Maybe it's a little bit of both.
What I know is that it hurts like hell to feel like you have no power over your life, over the surrounding environment. Some people are power driver or money driven. I am freedom-driven. I just want to be free.

Well u just basically explained what is wrong with the system we live in and why so many people often try any way possible not to have to work for an employer lol! Because we live in a system that is run by the authoritarian personality type. People who are antiauthoritarian often cannot succeed in a system like this or they drop out. Can't deal with the unreasonable expectations and environment. Plus you will 100% feel like a slave. It doesn't mean anti authoritarians are not valuable because often we are high iq and often higher than average iq which causes problems when u work for people who are lower iq and they decide what goes even if it makes no sense or it's unfair, or just plain dumb. Compliant authoritarian people often rise to positions of management but unfortunately they can suck as managers for anyone who has to be under them in the hierarchy.

 

[BipolarGuy]

I used to love anything software related when I was younger. It was not so widespread as it is today, it gave me a sense of uniqueness, fulfillment, mastery. I was pretty good at it and very passionate as well, giving me the confidence that no matter what happens, I can always find a good paying job or make it in the world somehow. I was young, idealistic, confident (on the edge of arrogance sometimes), workaholic even, but never in a power-hungry way.
Fast forward many years ahead, one is expected to always know the latest 1000 frameworks/platforms/languages/whatever, be payed little, taxed to hell, play office politics, obey some asshole who enjoys climbing the corporate ladder and not to mention never work on something meaningful anyway because almost nothing has meaning and also everything is evil. And of course there is always some guy who is 10 years younger than you, smarter than you and hungrier than you who is willing to work far more than you do for way less pay than you do.
If I search for jobs in IT now, everything is the same: be a master ('manager' of some sorts, where you need sociopathy as the main trait) or a slave (engineer, etc, where obedience is the main trait, they even write in the job description 'no ego'). I do not fit anywhere on the master-slave spectrum, I do not enjoy being bossed around nor do I enjoy bossing others around. The loner type never fits anywhere.
I tried to escape this world once (a la Office Space, where the protagonist quits his office job to go to work in construction, although my situation was different) and things were even worse. At least in the corporate world there is some veil of diplomacy, in the 'real' world it feels like violence might erupt at any time and you must always keep your guard up/have street smarts/ act like an asshole.
My confidence and sense of autonomy are almost completely gone. They feel so far gone that the image of my younger self feels surreal. What kept me so wide eyed and confident back then? I sometimes think it was the fact that I didn't know how this world works (that it's mostly based on manipulation). Other times I doubt my own thinking abilities when it comes to technology. Maybe I was never that good, maybe I was just an average person who had a bit of ambition and who got more proficient than others because I was a loner. Maybe it's a little bit of both.
What I know is that it hurts like hell to feel like you have no power over your life, over the surrounding environment. Some people are power driver or money driven. I am freedom-driven. I just want to be free.

I wish I could code, and do it well.
But no, I don't have the mind for it. You've got a valuable skill.
I studied maths at university.

Welcome to the world of real life corporate bullshit.
Office politics is bullshit. I can't stand the silly games people play and how they treat one another either. But I'm afraid that's people for you!
This is why useless fools are in the well paid positions at the top while the people who actually know what they're doing are in lower paid positions doing the work: because people are not promoted based on their ability to do a job. They're promoted based on how well they get on with their manager and how they make their manager's life easier; brown nosing, basically.
I've repeatedly said on this forum that good, honest people are not treated well in this world, but sociopaths seem to climb to the very top.

The guy that's 10 years younger is always going to be hungrier. That's because he is big eyed and idealistic, just as any of us used to be. Give it 10 years and let the honeymoon period pass and he'll soon see how things really are.

Have you considered taking your talents elsewhere, either to a different company, perhaps go in a different direction in the same industry?Perhaps work for yourself.