Venting I hate when people ask "how are you"

[WaffleWoman]

I understand its a friendly gesture which i usually just respond to with a "im good you?" but at the same time my body wants to dump what im going through onto the person. It feels like my body is screaming at me to tell them my issues and how im actually feeling but i know if do that i may be institutionalized

 

[Not.Flugel]

I always tell them I am okay or just that I am not doing fine. But I don't get that feeling any longer since you have to realize that nobody cares. And at least in Germany nobody asks how you are over small talk anyway.

I spent some months in Ireland and they literally use how are you to greet people. Those were a few akward first weeks.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Having to constantly lie about my relentless inner turmoil is both tiring and upsetting. The so-called "normal " people are incapable of understanding what it is like to crave non-existence. It is an alien concept to them.

 

[WaffleWoman]

I always tell them I am okay or just that I am not doing fine. But I don't get that feeling any longer since you have to realize that nobody cares. And at least in Germany nobody asks how you are over small talk anyway.

I spent some months in Ireland and they literally use how are you to greet people. Those were a few akward first weeks.

I wish western country's were more like Germany in that way. Where I live its common for someone to ask how you are before even saying hello

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah- me too. It's not so bad when it's just random people you don't know that well- because- you can just say- 'Yeah, fine thanks- you?' When it's friends though- I don't know- it just annoys me. Like- they know I'm not fine- but if I say I'm not- they'll come out with a bunch of platitudes which will just annoy me even more! It's kind of bad though to be like that because they probably do actually care. Still- I think people sometimes do it because they want you to return the question and they want to rant but they want it to look like they asked first. Or, maybe I'm just really mean and cynical to think like that.

 

[silence of death]

in my place aswell we use it as a greeting phrase, you could respond anything, even "hi" and it wouldn't be weird
it seems like you need someone to talk to tho, i wish you find that special person that will listen to your problem and feeling

 

[WaffleWoman]

in my place aswell we use it as a greeting phrase, you could respond anything, even "hi" and it wouldn't be weird
it seems like you need someone to talk to tho, i wish you find that special person that will listen to your problem and feeling

Currently this is my only place to vent all my friends would call my mother if they thought i had any thoughts of ctb or depression in general so i have to put up a front around everyone i know its tiring

 

[catharspiral]

I refuse to answer this question a lot of the time. Just smoothly change the subject and they barely react. It's tedious coming up with an acceptable answer and people ask it so often, but they don't really want to know how you're feeling, not deep inside.

 

[silence of death]

Currently this is my only place to vent all my friends would call my mother if they thought i had any thoughts of ctb or depression in general so i have to put up a front around everyone i know its tiring

i know that feeling... before this forum I used to vent on discord or private message on more general forum that are from my native language, that helped a lot
for now, at least you have SS, but maybe you could find someone on a mental health healing discord or something like that, you do seem to need to unload

 

[WaffleWoman]

i know that feeling... before this forum I used to vent on discord or private message on more general forum that are from my native language, that helped a lot
for now, at least you have SS, but maybe you could find someone on a mental health healing discord or something like that, you do seem to need to unload

I would like to find a spot where i can unload all my thought but i dont want to be annoying or a bother to people

 

[silence of death]

I would like to find a spot where i can unload all my thought but i dont want to be annoying or a bother to people

i don't know if it's a terrible advice, but those kind of anxiety of bothering people, I have those aswell, but they tend to disapear when I take benzo, or even alcohol, but you still need to find a place and a kind soul to listen to you

 

[WaffleWoman]

i don't know if it's a terrible advice, but those kind of anxiety of bothering people, I have those aswell, but they tend to disapear when I take benzo, or even alcohol, but you still need to find a place and a kind soul to listen to you

Next time i feel like i really need to vent i will give this a try thank you

 

[silence of death]

Next time i feel like i really need to vent i will give this a try thank you

you are welcome friend, i really wish it'll help you open up, it realy did for me, and i had the chance to find people to talk to

 

[Aisley]

The question comes in a few forms, as I think about this. There are a handful of people in my life I ask this of, and I wait for the answer; they and I understand this is a barometer kind of moment, a chance for them to let me know it's a ledge day or something, and I may need to take the wheel. And then there are other people who ask this of me, people I hold at the gate, and I say fine, and never reciprocate. Just let the silence, the complete absence of my participation be a shining moment. It feels like a passive aggresssive attempt to get me to ask them stupid questions about their stupid lives, and I could be busy watching paint dry and I still wouldn't have the time for it. It's one of those questions that has a few possible interpretations, and it comes down to the asker. Are they people? Because not all people are people.

 

[Not.Flugel]

Also, from Germany, at least in the north there is this beautiful quote: "Muss oder Muss ja" (Something like It have too) so you aren't doing fine, but you must continue. And if you are also in the north the response would be "Muss, ne". This quote is great because nobody will ask you any further without you having to lie to your friends.

 

[woh6]

I guess people ask it out of politeness and I've gotten used to that. But sometimes it can indeed be frusterating.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

People will shut you down if you try to open up. Then when you've CTB'ed they'll wonder why you never turned to them.

 

[juraviel]

there's actually people that you can pay that will listen to your complains for however long you need them to. i think they're called therapists? idk. i think you could go visit one, or you can keep creating threads about the need for the world to stop using the awful phrase "how are you" as a greeting.

 

[ferret-in-a-sock]

Being in customer service I always think of it like a scripted event where I always answer over-enthusiastically like "I'm doing peachy! What nice weather!" Most of the time people prefer I give the sugary-sweet positive answer, though one lady commented "I couldn't tell if you were the automated speaker or not." Or people comment I'm too enthusiastic for 4am. Most people compliment me on it though. I'm told I'm extroverted and positive.

It becomes so habitual that in like therapy or shiz, I struggle to be honest to the point that my psych eval came back to say "actually, youre not that mentally ill and only mildly depressed!" Which is like...brother, I suffer from delusions of bugs infesting my room every other day and have elaborate rituals for checking and not only that, I hallucinated bugs, but glad my outgoing persona clears me from schizo, BPD or OCD. Like being too good at pretending to be peppy must be a crime.

Or sometimes I'll say "eh." How am I? "Absolutely miserable." But then they ask "why?" And I go "well, this thing and this thing" and they go "why?" And I go "I don't know." And then it's this whole loop of "how do you not know?" And in the end, I'd have accomplished the same reception of my feelings by going "absolutely fantastic, thanks for asking."

How am I? Living the dream, doing what God intended for me, passively wishing to die, doing jack shit and hating myself for it.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

"None of your business, fuck off"

... is what i would like to say but i have to mask and just say im good and dismiss any attempts from the person to dig deeper

 

[FuneralCry]

In my opinion it's best just to avoid other people altogether, questions like that are just standard small talk and of course the best way to respond is "I'm fine..." as deep down other people don't really care, they are just filling the silence by asking that. But of course saying something like "I'm fine", is the best way to reply to a question like that as opening up about being suicidal is always a terrible idea, as we exist in a world which punishes suicidal people simply for wanting to make a decision in which they have every right to make that is perfectly logical. Ending up suffering even more by being locked in a psych ward really sounds so horrible.

 

[Death is my goal]

it doesnt bother me i just say im fine

 

[ikadasui]

I'm pretty robotic when it comes to small talk or just making conversation, and I think I'm pretty good at as people seem pleased to see me most of the time. Very bothersome though but I at least try to appreciate the gesture all the same

 

[H.O.Xan]

Extend the same courtesy to ppl as they do to u. It's a nicety when meeting anyone. Any1 who thinks they're being "different or quirky" by not answering tht q is being a lil inconsiderate coz i'd act surprised and think u hated me if u ignored such a simple question right upon interaction.

Just have a prepped line like "doin great actually, u?"